Day 416: The Emotional Toll of Moving

We are moving back home in 5 weeks.  That means 5,5 weeks until I start back at work (and that also means 5,5 weeks until the end of this blog).  There are a lot of arrangements with moving back – calling the moving company to ship what we want to keep back home and figuring out how to get rid of things in general (selling, giving away, and so on).

That stuff is the normal “stress” of moving.  I have moved so many times I don’t even want to count, and every time it gets more draining on my psyche.  It’s not so much moving that is the problem for me, it’s the continual uneasiness of never being settled.  As a kid, I got to a point where I didn’t even unpack some boxes after every move, and I don’t want to be like that as an adult.

This is not to say that I don’t feel open to going other places in the future as my wife did with Hong Kong – there are potential opportunities for my career that involve moving around the world too.  If that is to happen, it’s got to have a clear start and end, and not too much ambiguity about what happens in that “arc” of move away – work – move home.  That is something I probably would not have thought about before this year, but I have learned so much as the year progressed.  This year has been filled with ambiguity, and because of that, I never really felt settled, and because of that, it has been a hard year.  Add to it that I am taking care of my son full time and I am a person who loves to work, and you see that this has been one of the hardest, most challenging times of my life.  And I’ve lived through some pretty tough times.

So, as we prepare to go back, I find myself in a generally grouchy mood.  Extra sensitive.  Tired all the time.  Losing weight.  Blah.  It sounds a bit like depression when I read it, which is really interesting because I am pumped to go back to work, and there are some really cool things that I can’t wait to get started on.  I love Stockholm, and I love that we will be buying a new, bigger place together to live as a family.  I am pumped for my wife to be in her new job.  I am also pumped to spend time in our summer house.  And I am so excited that the little guy is getting older and will move into new phases as he heads off to förskolan in Stockholm (it used to be called “dagis” but apparently that’s not PC now).  So all-in-all, there’s no reason to be feeling as I do.

Perhaps it’s just that I want to get there already.  Skip the 5 weeks of waiting around in a place where I will not be connected to anymore.  Move on from this period and be done with it.  But that’s not how life is.   You can’t just skip the stuff that is less fun.  That would be awesome on the one hand, but on the other hand, if we did skip those times, how boring would life be?  We would end up skipping everything.  Instead, I should focus now on the things that I enjoy most – do some special things with my wife while we are here, spend quality time with my friends here, make the most of the time I have with my son, and savor the special things about Hong Kong.  The next chapter in our lives will come soon enough, so I might as well fully enjoy the current chapter we are in until the end. 😉

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