Day 188: How Facebook Has Changed

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I wrote a few months ago that I re-activated my Facebook account after a 4 year hiatus.  It was mainly done to be able to access the different parenting groups in Hong Kong (Hong Kong dads, Hong Kong moms, and so on), but I kept some of my friends from before, and noticed there have been some changes to how Facebook is used now compared to 4 years ago.

  1. It’s much more serious.  Long ago, it was a little but lighter in spirit, with more “fun” things posted.  Now, it’s all about the causes you are into.  Most of the time with the older users it’s about outrage (“can you believe XYZ?  The world is going to hell!”). With the younger users it’s about self promotion of their personal brand.
  2. A lot less posts.  People used to post all the time.  Now, it looks like people have mellowed out and see it more as a tool, rather than a social site for sharing what is happening in your life – or they have realized that being social does not mean sharing every tiny little detail all the time.
  3. It’s a lot less personal.  Building on the last points, the posts now don’t really give you, the friend, an idea of who the person is, compared to years ago when people seemed more into it.
  4. People just don’t seem that into it.  Most people seem to see it as just another thing to use, and you can see that their lives don’t revolve around being on Facebook.  This is a big, refreshing change from 4 years ago.
  5. It seems like a shell.  To wrap up all the points from above, it feels like everyone has a Facebook account, and they know they should post on it occasionally, but they don’t really care about sharing too much, they don’t really want to do it, and they only use it because there’s nothing else out there.  Since everyone is so serious, the serious topics get a lot of strongly worded debate, and the humor seems reserved for maybe places like twitter.

Overall I am not really surprised that Facebook has “matured” in my absence, but I am surprised at how it turned from a fairly active and transparent view into everyone’s lives into a bit of a shell of whatever the person wants to portray, a bit apathetically, about their lives.  The one thing that people seem to be putting effort into is social issues, which comes in the form of being heard with regards to a current social issue.  It’s a really interesting development, and it only leaves me eager to see what the next Facebook will be. Who knows?!

Day 187: Sick Baby = Quarantine?

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We had some plans with a few sets of friends to meet up for a late lunch.  Husbands, wives, babies, in a place that is nice but open so the little ones could crawl around a bit.  Things got pushed later and later because one of the little ones had a fever.  Upon seeing him, you could tell he was not feeling “tip top,” and we are convinced that it is teething, not sickness, but it leads to a good question.

There is a trend with babies of this age (around 10 months) where the moms we know are always saying their babies are sick.  I mean A-L-W-A-Y-S.  Like, “oh, how is X?”  answer, “he’s been sick, so he has not been out of the house for a few weeks.”  Now, here’s the deal.  1) If a baby is sick that often, maybe you need to re-define your definition of the word “sick.”  2)  If your baby really is sick, why is he so sick, so often?  3)  Is the baby really sick, or is it teething, a growth spurt, separation anxiety, something else, or all of them combined?

I guess it kind of depends on your outlook on what the word “sick” means, and how you think you should handle being sick.  Basically we do not necessarily believe that if you are not feeling 100% that you should stay inside locked up.  On the other hand you need to be responsible if you are going out not feeling 100%, and keep your distance from other people, wash your hands a lot, and so on, so you do not get others sick.  My wife is of the same philosophy – basically, you do not need to be on full quarantine immediately if you are not 100%.  We are humans, not robots, and after all, those 100% days might not be as often as we think.

So now with the little guy, I think this philosophy is showing thru in how we are raising him.  He is currently either teething or having a cold (same symptoms), so we have warned the friends we have that he is like he is, and we are not going to the play rooms (in case he is sick), but we are still leaving the house with him and keeping an extra eye on him.  Maybe we do not go out for as long, but we still go.  As long as he is able to get the rest he needs, and has the right things (food, water, not too much heat), we keep on moving forward and live life accordingly.  After all, you can’t put him (and us) in a bubble, right?

Day 186: Auberge Hotel Restaurant, Discovery Bay

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Today I went to the restaurant part of the Auberge Hotel in Discovery Bay for a coffee.  This is one of the least visited places in Discovery Bay for some reason, and while that is sad for the hotel, it is awesome for us stay at home parents who need a change of scenery while taking in the beautiful views of both Hong Kong and Disneyland.   

    
 Although I have not eaten the food, it looks really good and they have semi and full buffets every day.  They also offer “tea service” which involves the little sandwiches and little sweet cakes, which looks good enough to make anyone jealous.  If you find yourself in DB, make a note of this one on your “to do” list.

Day 185: A Good Playgroup in Cyberport

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Today we went to a nice playgroup in Cyberport!  It was about a 1-hour journey (ferry, then taxi), but it was well worth our trip to Wise Kids.

Wise Kids is actually a toy store with 3 levels in the mall, and then on the 4th level is the playroom.  They take it seriously there: you have to sign up and reserve your spot in advance, you and your little one must wear socks, they check both you and the little ones temperature before you enter, they sanitize your hands before you enter, and they deep-clean everything between playgroups.

So what does the playgroup entail?  First is the “free play”, with a bunch of toys and different areas to play in, broken down by theme and also by age.  Then is a snack (slices of apple) followed by the “multi sensory room”, which is a kind of psychadelic room with decorations and lights done up in a theme, accompanied by music.  Today’s theme was about space, so there were stars, space ships, and so on.  Finally, it ends with music/singing.  

The little guy loved it and even though it was quite a mission to get there from Discovery Bay, we will make the journey again in the future for sure.  Price was 170 hkd (175 sek, 20 usd) for 1,5 hours.  

   
  

if you look closely you can see a room called “cry room” – maybe its for parents who need a moment? 😉
 

Day 184: “Let Me Feed Myself”, he says

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Ok, ok, he didn’t literally say that.  But he might as well have.  My wife and I have noticed the little guy, now nearing 10 months old, has not been super happy to eat most things we try to feed him over the last week, with the exception of porridge (gröt in Swedish).  

Basically at meal and snack times, he eats a little bit and then he is annoyed with the process – so the next 5 minutes are a battle for 2 more spoonfuls.  We have chalked it up to the 6th tooth coming in soon, and/or a combination of that with a cold we think he might have (for him, symptoms of a cold are similar to a tooth on it’s way so it’s hard to know).

So tonight at dinner time, the same process started to happen.  He ate a little bit of the amazing baby food I made for him, and then the “annoyed baby” show began.  So we tried the old tricks to squeeze a few more bites in, but that was eventually stopped when he put his pacifier in and would not let it be pried from his mouth.

I was not too pumped.  We need the little guy to eat!  I noticed that he was reaching for my plate, towards my green beans.  They were sitting there like little pieces of green gold, just inches from his hand.  So I thought, “let’s see if he wants to eat this.”  

I handed him a green bean, and his tiny little baby hand took it, and he started to try to eat it (I say try because he can’t get thru the outer part).  He chewed on that one, and I placed another one in front of him, and he picked it up, happy as a clam, aand started to chew on it while “talking” to me and my wife.  He was laughing and enjoying the conversation with both of us, and even offered us the green beans to eat from hi hand, in what I think was an ironic joke he was playing on us.  He’s got a good sense of humor. 😉

Then it dawned on me.  It’s possible that now, as the little guy is more self aware, that he wants to do this whole eating thing on his own – at least part of the time.  So now, we walk forward into a whole new era with his development – we are off into the world where he wants to be involved with the feeding, wants to eat like his parents.  I am fearful of the table, the floor, and the wall behind his baby seat. For someone like me who likes thing clean, this is a scary thought.  Oh, before I forget, I also apologize in advance to any restaurants we go to for the next few years. 😉

Day 183: The Challenge of Being a Stay-At-Home Parent

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There’s a socially accepted statement about stay-at-home parents, that you hear and see in movies and tv shows.  It’s always kind of said with the connotation of “I better say this, but I don’t really believe it and nobody else does either.”  That’s this line: “being a stay-at-home mom/dad is the hardest job there is.”  I never really noticed how prolific these words are until I was in my current situation, and I find it offensive and condescending when I hear it, unless it is coming from someone who has been in the role themselves.

I have been a stay-at-home parent now for the past 6 months.  Crazy how time has flown.  Although it has been a short time so far, I can tell you that it is one of the hardest jobs you can have, without question.  If you genuinely care and want your kids to have every benefit possible from you being home, it is definitely difficult.  On the other hand, if you just float by as a stay-at-home parent, and do the bare minimum, then maybe it’s not for you.

What makes it so difficult is the psychological toll it takes on your intellectually-developed mind.  That is, you are an interesting person, who has thoughts, opinions, and world views.  In the regular workplace you are stimulated and have an outlet for this. You also have challenges that help keep regular day-to-day stuff in perspective.   As a stay-at-home parent, it’s gone, replaced with baby/kid talk with other parents, your partner, and everyone else.  Your world revolves around the baby/children.

That’s not so bad, is it?  Not really, but too much of anything will will either brainwash you or create a bit of natural discomfort.  For me, it’s more about the discomfort at the moment.  “Whatever happened to me?” I said today in a conversation with my wife.  It’s “little guy needs this” and “little guy did that” and “we should think about XYZ for the little guy.”  All of this is normal, good, and right – unless it is happening as an overwriting your sense or agency as a person in the family, or overwriting the needs of the relationship that is the base in the family (the parents).

I am sure I am not the only one to feel this way.  Many people like me (career-driven) have gone thru a similar thing when they have stayed home with their children.  So what do you do?  

Just keep on loving first and foremost.  Love your partner, your children, your family, and everyone else in your life.  Love grows exponentially.

If you have a partner who is staying home with the children, make sure they know you appreciate it.  Say good job, compliment them before they need to hear it, and so on.
Take it easy on yourself.  It might feel like you are getting lost in a world of “baby” / “kids”, but I promise that the “you” who was so amazing before you decided to stay home is still there, is still important, and is still alive inside you.  You’ve just give yourself a break – don’t put to much pressure on yourself.  

Those accomplishments and goals that you strive for in the workplace that help make work life fulfilling are no longer there, and that is hard sometimes – after all, a child does not say “dude, dad, you did an awesome job changing that diaper.”  So find some ways to compliment yourself by doing little things and smaller goals.  Like for me it might be about making homemade baby food while the little guy is taking a nap.  And if you need some recognition, don’t forget my favorite quote, by Mark Twain: “if you can’t get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.” 😉

Day 182: Let the Välling Begin

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Today for the first time, we gave the little guy “Välling” when he went to bed.  If you are from Sweden, you know what Välling is, and you probably ate/drank a lot of it when you were a little one.  If you are not from Sweden, you have probably never heard of it.

So, what is Välling?  Imagine you take baby formula and mix it with porridge/cereal.  The result is a thicker, denser version of formula, packed with nutrients and density that makes it so a baby will sleep thru the night without becoming hungry. Some parents also give välling to their kids during the day, but we are not planning to do that (plans which of course are flexible 😉 ).

whole grain välling made from oats. look at how satisfied that baby is.
whole grain välling made from oats. look at how satisfied that baby is.

Many parents start with välling when the baby is 6 months, but we have been back-and-forth about if we should give the little one välling at all.  Our logic, which is also backed up by pediatricians and a lot of literature, is if you are feeding the baby enough thru the day, they will not need anything more to get thru the night.  My wife is worried about välling because she does not want the little guy to become välling-dependent. It’s hard to get a little one off the välling once they start, apparently.

What we have been doing up until this point is giving a bottle when he goes to bed, but he just does not make it all the way until morning.  He gets pretty close – maybe 4:00 or sometimes 5:00 in the morning, but we need to get a little further, otherwise he is eating another bottle when he wakes up, and then does not really feel like eating much for breakfast at 7:00, and then the cycle keeps going in such a way every day.  Enter välling, to keep him fuller and satisfied for longer, until it is time for breakfast.

The other option would be to keep him up later and give him more food, but then he is not getting the sleep he needs.  Not really an awesome option in my opinion.

So what about what I said above about “if he eats enough during the day he will not need food in the night”?  The thing is, you can’t force a baby to eat, right?  So if I want him to eat more thru the day because I know it will generally be good for him and will help him sleep better, and so on, but he says, “no, I don’t want to eat now,” then there’s nothing I can do.  And, I should note that he is eating more than the amount of calories that he should have anyway, so it is not that he is under-eating and relying on night meals.  But what I think is this:  He is growing, developing, and going thru a lot of changes.  And we are basically expecting him to go from 19:30-20:00 (when he eats porridge and then goes to bed and has a bottle) until 7:00 (that’s 11-12 hours!) without eating.  How many adults do this?  Exactly.

So, now here we are, giving our little guy välling.  The hope is that he will sleep better, longer, without being hungry, and that will lead to more robust eating at breakfast.  Then, that will start us on the right path thru the day.  Of course, we can hope all we want – we will just have to see what happens tonight 😉

Day 181: Pasta Can be Changed to a Fiber from a Carb? That’s right!

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In October last year, I read a BBC article about an interesting study.  The study was about pasta, which scientifically is a form of refined carbohydrate that eventually gets broken down by your body into sugars that impact your glucose levels (pasta/carbohydrate->simple sugars->glucose levels UP!).

**Before I go any further, I should say that you will read about starches and carbohydrates.  A starch is a kind of complex carbohydrate, just like fiber is, and the only difference between starches and fibers is that their sugars are bonded in a different way.   Thus, starches can be digested, but fibers cannot be.  I just wanted to be sure we are all on the same page – read more here about starch and fiber!**

What they found in the study was that if you eat cold pasta (cook it and let it cool down), it transforms from a carbohydrate into a “resistant starch.”  The word “resistant” is key, because resistant starches are resistant to the enzyme in the stomach that transforms things into glucose.  So basically, they found out that cold pasta is treated by your body like it is a fiber (a complex carbohydrate) instead of a simple sugar (isn’t that interesting?!).  Your glucose levels will not spike as badly if you eat cold pasta (like pasta salad, for example), and you will also absorb fewer calories.

Even more interesting is that they took it one step further and looked at what happens when you then re-heat the cold pasta (like if you reheat leftover pasta).  They found that it became even more “resistant”, and glucose levels spiked 50% less than the cold pasta, which was already way lower than “first round” pasta.

Quick and Easy Review:

Hot Pasta (first time it is cooked): A refined carbohydrate, and processed by your body as a simple sugar, causing glucose levels to spike (you get hungrier faster, and if you are concerned about blood sugar, the spike can also impact your mood, lead to the shakes, etc.)

Cooled Down Pasta: Treated by your body as a complex carbohydrate in the form of a “resistant starch” – so the pasta basically transforms into a fiber.  Glucose levels go up, but not by as much, as the body treats it like a fiber.

Re-Heated Pasta: Healthiest option, glucose levels only spiked to 50% of cooled down pasta.  Even more “resistant”, meaning the body really treats it as a fiber.

What does it Mean?

For those of you who love pasta, it means it is healthier to re-heat the pasta the next day than it is the first time you ate it.  So, leftovers become the “healthy choice” – and if you ate pasta one night and are worried about the carbs if you eat it as leftovers the next day, you don’t have to worry about that anymore, because it’s now a fiber. 😉

What does it mean if you are thinking about baby food?

It would mean that all these baby foods that have pasta in them are really a form of starch and/or fiber for your little one instead of carbohydrate.  Does that matter?  Maybe.  According to kidshealth.org, the issue is more about “refined carbs” (like those found in processed foods, like pasta).  The website I just referenced calls these “bad carbs”, and basically the problem with them is that they are abundant, aren’t too filling (so you can eat a lot), and they taste good.  So they can lead to over-eating, basically.

It is recommended that everyone, but especially children, eat “complex carbs”, which break down slowly, are high in fiber, and provide vitamins and minerals.  Basically that means if you are worried about feeding your child pasta because you don’t want them to develop all sorts of health concerns tied to eating “refined carbs”, don’t be, because it is a complex carb (in the form of a starch) by the time it has made it to the jar of babyfood or the plate (if you made it yourself and let it cool down before feeding it to the little one).

Let’s also not forget that carbs are everywhere and are really important to eat (fruits have carbs in the form of fructose, milk has carbs in the form of lactose, and so on) – brain function relies on carbohydrates, for example, so dropping them from any diet is not optimal, and especially not optimal to limit them in a baby’s diet.  But again it seems the concern is about refined carbs.  Fortunately, if you are a pasta fan, it seems like temperature and/or time has a way of doing a refined-to-complex carbohydrate conversion for you. 🙂

Day 180: Interactive Toys

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We have decided that now it’s time to buy the little guy some more interactive toys.  You know, the “cause and effect” toys, the ones that when he presses a button, out pops a little dude, or a sound plays, or something.

Have you ever been to the toy store looking for an interactive toy for a 9-month-old?  Ha!  So many choices, it’s mind-numbing.  This one does this, but this one does THIS!  This one has these colors, but this one has THESE colors.  And so on.

The crazy part to me is the prices for these toys.  We are talking at least 300 hkd (almost 40 usd, and 350 sek).  I think the reason the price is so shocking is because the toys look so cheap.  They are all brightly colored, lightweight, have cheap-looking stickers and stuff on them.  The songs are cheap-sounding too.  It is difficult to look at a toy and say “oh, this is worth the money.”

I made a decision to buy a 2-in-1 toy.  On one side is a piano that plays different songs when you hit the different buttons.  The other side is a telephone with sounds playing from each button.    

it even has a handle

Of course by the time he is old enough to use a telephone we won’t have them that look like this anymore, but that doesn’t really matter. The toy manufacturer probably made a bunch of these in the ’90s and they’re just praying they can sell thru them all before land-line phones disappear completely.

Of course if the little guy could have his preference, he would go nuts for a plastic bottle that plays music and lights up.  A kid can dream, can’t he?  😉

Day 179: A 9,5 Month-Old Bad Boy

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“Dude, why did you do that?  That hurts!  Ouch!  Man, what are you doing?!”  This was the cry from my seat on the ferry today on the way back from Hong Kong island.  The little guy was sitting on my lap facing outwards, strapped into the I-Angel (amazing carrier, by the way).  And then, he was doing something quite painful.  He would bend all the way down and forward, and grab my arm and pull it to him, and then he would bite me.  Yep, my son is biting me.  It’s not some cute little nibble, this is a BITE.  And worse yet, he would bite and then pull his head back with is mouth clamped (super painful), and then laugh.  Cruel, right?

Then, later in the day as we were playing at home, he illustrated another “bad boy” trait.  Although we have only been back in Hong Kong for 10 days now, I have taught him that he cannot crawl into the kitchen.  Too many hazards, right?  So anyway, he knows he can’t go there, and I also leave the kitchen door closed.  But today, while we were playing, for some reason left the door open.  He noticed eventually, and ZOOM!, he took off for the kitchen.  He can crawl pretty fast in general, but when he has a chosen destination, and that destination is forbidden, he is like a jet.  He zipped over to the kitchen, and I got up and ran over to the door, and arrived just as he was crossing the threshold to the kitchen.  As I reached down to pick him up, he was laughing like crazy.  It was the funniest thing he had ever experienced apparently, making a break for the kitchen and being caught.

I guess I should not be surprised by today’s behaviors – yesterday, although he knows he can’t play with my indoor shoes, he grabbed one, peered around the corner of the end table where they sit, and then took a bite of it.  He had this look in his eye that fortunately I was able to catch in a photograph, because I had a feeling he was going to do something at that moment.  So now I have proof of his mischief 😉

So, what’s the deal?  Has all my love and affection been pointless, and my son has somehow still turned into a delinquent?  I don’t think so (or at least I hope not).  My theory on it is that he feels safe, and so he sees it all as a game while he pushes the boundaries and relishes in the attention.  To him, there are no consequences in life – why should there be?  So he is pushing the boundaries because it is fun, not because he’s a bad kid.  I guess the key thing for me and my wife to do is to keep positively rewarding good action, and not give him attention for the “bad” actions (even if you want to laugh when he squeals with delight after making a break for the kitchen, it’s probably better not to).  It’s crazy how little ones process things, isn’t it?