I have been writing blog posts now for the previous 176 days. There’s a lot of different topics covered – some serious, some playful, some about the little guy, some about food, some about travel. I usually find something interesting to write about during the day – something might pique my interest and I say “aha, that is what I will write about today.”
Lately, since we have been back in Hong Kong, I have felt a little uninspired. Or some of you might call it feeling “blah.” And of course when you feel this way, you don’t really think that the things you find interesting to write about would be interesting to someone else.
It’s weird when I feel this way because as you know, I have a positive spirit in me. There’s no departure in the positivity or optimism from knowing everything will be ok and so on, but it’s more of a frustration that leads to being a bit bummed, and then the guilty feelings for feeling that way when you know your life is not so bad compared to other people’s. It’s not really about being negative, it’s about being despondent, for lack of better word.
Some of these feelings come from feeling like we as a family are floating along without roots in the ground (back and forth between Sweden and Hong Kong, and then when we are in Sweden, we are bouncing around). It’s so exhausting I can’t even explain it – it would be without a child in tow, but with one, it is just plain hard on your psyche.
Hong Kong itself is exhausting, so being here takes a lot more energy, and when you do something that would otherwise be normal back home, you feel like you “survived” and should get a Medal of Honor just for doing it.
Another part of my feelings currently come as I question my job. I have mentioned that I love working, and I love my job. But last week, I was contacted by the person covering for me asking for an update on my return plans, and that has had me thinking. As anyone who has been on Pappa Leave (or Momma Leave) will tell you, when you think about going back, it isn’t as exciting as it once was. Maybe because it’s old, or maybe it is because everything else in your life has changed, and that means going back to the old job is out of the flow. It could also be that once you step away from it, you see the job or the company or the direction of your future from a different angle.
So what do I do when I feel uninspired, blah, and so on? I used to think you should turn – go a different direction, not let it get much attention. Then there was a while that I thought I needed to deal with it head-on, to analyze the “why” and “how” of those feelings in-depth all the time. That for me is not a healthy option, because you just sit there in those feelings, and it can turn into an unproductive rabbit hole if you are not careful. I think this is because identifying what’s wrong is the key step, and if you are self-aware you probably already know what’s wrong, so you just need to get on with moving past it.
So for me, I think it’s best to acknowledge the feelings, like waving to a neighbor across the street. Be aware of them and where they come from, but then move on from them. There is no reason to dwell on anything or try to solve it immediately, because time will always help you work things out. Time brings perspective and helps to shed light that you might need to make a change in your life, if that is what is needed. Or time can simply help to wash away silly insecurities, too.
So for me and these current feelings, I just acknowledge them, and don’t give them too much weight. They have no power when they have no weight, right? And if they come up again and again, I will of course take a moment to dig into what exactly it is – but the chances are very good that I simply need to relax, take it easy and not worry too much. That is the answer to most things. Take a chill pill, everything will work out fine 😉