It’s hot and humid in Hong Kong, and that is a direct contrast from the dry and mild climate of Sweden. This has made for some interesting adjustments in what is “hot” and “cold” (and I have to laugh at what I now consider “hot” after living in Sweden for 3 years!)
Regardless of how you define cold, cool, warm, or hot, one thing remains: babies can’t handle heat like adults do, so you’ve gotta be careful. And above and beyond that, you’ve gotta be careful about the sun. So what are we supposed to do then? Can’t sit at home all day, right? We would both go crazy with that plan. So, after seeing that the forecast was 27 degrees (about 81 degrees f), I thought this was a good opportunity to try out my theory of “mornings outside afternoons inside”.
We went for a nice walk route through some parks at 8:30, and I was hot. HOT! I was wearing my fancy Dad Jeans instead of shorts, so I learned my lesson, but it wasn’t that hot anyway, I think it was only 23 degrees when we were walking. But there were 2 things that killed me: the sun and the humidity.
How did the little guy do? He was just fine. No sweating, no discomfort. I suppose that’s because all the work was being done by me, he just sat there like a little king on his throne enjoying the floral breeze of the Hong Kong parks. In addition to the breeze, we have a sun umbrella that I have started using when we go out during the day, even if it is cloudy.
sun umbrella keeps the little guy chillin’ comfortably in the shade
Additionally, I am very good at finding the shady side if the street (the advantage of being in a big city with tall buildings), which is just as much for him as it is for me – no need for either of us to experience too much sun.
The sun was taken care of, but not the humidity, and the only thing you can do is just get used to it and make sure you are hydrated. But the little guy is different – you can’t give him a glass of water to rehydrate so you must be really careful about him not overheating. So I make sure I don’t overdress him, and keep the shade up and the speed up, and supplement any trip outside with going into the many malls there are in Hong Kong, and we are set.
In the afternoon we went to the outlet mall at Tung Chung, which was absolutely packed with people – weird for a random Thursday. It was so loud that it was like walking on the street in central Hong Kong, did to the many mainland Chinese shoppers, who speak loudly to one another. So it was not really a peaceful shopping trip, and we didn’t buy the little guy any tiny shorts for the summer, but from the perspective of dealing with the heat, we were in good shape.
It’s difficult to balance going outside and being active and staying inside and doing those important activities at home for his development (playing, reading to him, etc.). With the climate as it is, it forces a bit more “blocked” use of time, which I try to make the most of – the balance is not easy, but I am doing the best I can.
This week my wife has a really busy week with work. This means we could only meet for lunch 1 day, and she has some late evenings. Last night for example, she came home at 20:00. Tonight, she was able to be home for 2 hours before going again. This means for the most part this week it’s just “the guys”.
Last night, the little guy got really fussy in the late afternoon. He ate at 16:30, then 17:30, then 18:15 he seemed to want more. He usually is not like this, but I fed him nonetheless, thinking “wow, he’s really going for it tonight!” Then, as confident as I had become in my ability to read my son’s needs, it went out the window as the night progressed. There’s no easier way to shake your confidence than having your baby freaking out when you are trying to console him. I fed him because he was crying wildly, and would only calm down when he saw me preparing the bottle, and when he was eating from the bottle. Then, he became less satisfied by the bottle, and eventually was crying in pain.
So after 1,5 hours of him crying “SCREAMING!!!!” it became clear that this was not just an issue of being fussy, but it was pain – likely from gas that did not come out during a burp, or from being too full. Once I heard the “pain cry” (a horrible high-pitched shriek), it was off for the Gripe Water, and 10 minutes later everything was ok with him finally releasing gas (a great effect of the gripe water), and he was sleeping soundly 30 minutes later and into the night.
Tonight my wife came home for 2 hours and had to leave at 19:00. It was great because we were able to eat and have a little “family time” – even gave the guy a little bath. Then, before she left, she fed him – and as he ate he fell asleep, so she put him in the crib. Literally within a minute of her leaving, he started crying. Maybe he was woken up by the door slamming, I thought. No, actually, I now think it was her voice no longer being there that woke him up. I realize now that while I have put him to bed in the last 4 months, there has always been a special part of the nighttime routine that my wife cherishes (and I also now realize so does my son). These last 2 evenings, I have found out the importance of that routine.
When the little guy woke up tonight, I tried to soothe him to get him back to sleep: no, he was not having it. I tried to play with him, thinking maybe he didn’t want to sleep: no, the crying continued. I tried to show him different things around the house: no, louder crying continued. I tried to burp him: extremely loud crying. You name it, I tried it: no, more crying. I tried to feed him: yes, that seemed to work. Then I realized I was going down the dangerous road of the night before – I can’t just feed him when he is crying, even if he does seem to calm down.
I realized something when it comes to the feeding in the evening with the little guy. I am 99% sure that in a feeding situation like this, where he has just eaten but seems to be needing more, it is the calming effect of being on the breast that he is going for – and we use the Nuk First Choice nipples for the Nuk bottles, which simulate the breast more than any other brand (he would not use the other bottles on the market, so we had to buy these super-hard-to-get latex nipples – a different story for another time).
Nuk First Choice Nipple on Glass Nuk Bottle. This nipple was the only one that the little guy would use. The texture of the latex is most similar to skin, and the shape of it is most like the breast. There is even an “anti-colic” air release system.
Anyway, I learned from last night that it would not be optimal to give him more food and deal with a baby that is uncomfortable later, so I was careful not to feed him too much tonight. But the crying continued. It continued when I used my magical “shush method” that during the day can calm him down in a flash. It continued no matter how I moved or swayed, or spoke or whispered. It continued when I had the lights off, the lights on. It is amazing and impressive to me at just how much and how loud and persistently he can cry if he puts his mind to it.
Finally I came to a hard truth: sometimes a baby just wants their mom. Especially if it is during a time when their mom is usually there – part of the “routine” they might rely on for comfort. But the reality was, mom wasn’t here, and she will also not always be here at this time of the day. I was not going to interrupt her, either. Basically, I had to deal with this, now, tonight. This will not become a “thing” that gets in the way of us all living our lives as we need to.
So, with a screaming, wailing baby in my arms, I thought about it: What does my wife do every night for him when she puts him to bed? Answer: She sings him a song – the same song she was even singing to her belly every night when she was pregnant. It’s a Swedish song that involves trolls (yes, trolls – not stars or lambs, but trolls). At the end of the song, it goes “aye aye aye aye puff, aye aye aye aye puff, aye aye aye aye puff puff puff”. I don’t know the words to the song as they are in Swedish, but I will be learning them now. But when you have a baby whose cries are so loud that you are losing your hearing you will try anything, and you make it work. So, I just started singing “da dumm ba ba bummm dumm huumm humm, etc.” to the tune of the song and did the “puff puff puff” part, too. And, it worked. Slowly he stopped crying, and started sleeping. Then I put him in the bed, and continued to sing, and slowly he stopped stirring and slept more peacefully. Now he is sleeping in there, looking content and happy, and my ears are healing.
There is a lot to be said about the parenting team. We need each other’s unique approach and “roles” in parenting, whatever they may be – and the baby needs both of us, too. I might be able to do all the things to keep him alive and developing during the day, and today I learned what I need to do to put him to bed in a way that is least disruptive. But I will never replace the special comfort that he gets from his mom (and I do not want to, either). Just like his mom will never replace the unique comforts he gets from me (and she does not want to, either). We both have our time and our way to comfort the little guy, and over the last 2 days, I learned that a little troll song and mom’s comforting voice mean the world to this little human we are raising.
We decided a while ago that we would like to cut down on our overall consumption of “disposable” goods. For example rather than buy 4 cheap pairs of jeans over the course of 1 year, just buy 1 good pair. Same thing for furniture – rather than buy the cheapest stuff, buy something higher quality that will last. This doesn’t mean the cheaper stuff is not good (ikea for example has some great stuff) – it just means if we buy something cheaper, it should be of good quality. We have 1/2 a shipping container paid by my wife’s company when we move home, so we are buying things that will work here and there.
Today the little guy and I will finish day 2 of the furniture shopping for our new apartment. We finish with some key pieces from Ikea, but yesterday we went to a place called Stockroom, which has absolutely gorgeous furniture. It is solid and really well-made, and at great prices for the most part. So we purchased our dining room table, chairs, some things for the little guy’s room and some other items for the house. There are some gorgeous lamps that I deeply dream of owning, and there are some items we plan to buy before we travel back to Sweden. We will use their webshop for those purchases if everything we purchase is still looking good at that time.
The location of their showroom is wild. It is on Hong Kong island, at the end of the Island Line at Kennedy Town, and then a 10 minute walk. It is in the a bizarre, obscure location that makes you feel apprehensive and unsure if you really want to go there: No signs, in an industrial building that smells like a mixture of decaying meat products, livestock, and fruit. It is on the 20th floor, and the elevators take an eternity while the workers loading the produce of various sorts up and get annoyed you are in the way. Then you finally get to the 20th floor, and you cautiously walk down the dank hallway, and there it is, like an oasis amidst the disgusting chaos of the building.
I figure the location is this way for a few reasons:
They are primarily a webshop, so the showroom is not their priority (I think this is also where they design things, too)
They wanted an address in Hong Kong, and they get cheap rent in this building
The contrast of the experience in the building makes the furniture seem nicer and more welcoming
It’s such a pain to get there, you do not want to go back, so you will be focused and make a purchase while you are there.
See photos below – definitely a different experience than going to Ikea. 😉
Stockroom’s showroom location from the streetentry to the building to take the elevator upI saw a woman slip on the slimy floors here – the elevator to go back downstairsjust walk down the inviting hallway and you are there
As a guy who loves to work (seriously, I am one of those people who absolutely loves working), it was not an easy decision to come to terms with staying at home with the little guy. We knew that my wife was going to work, but to me, there was always an option of possibly working while we have someone take care of the baby, if the right circumstances presented themselves.
I work for an international company not based in Sweden, and when I told them I was taking time away for parental leave, and that this would be bringing me with the baby to my wife in Hong Kong, they were immediately supportive. This says a lot about my direct superiors – after all, outside of the relatively few countries (like Sweden, Norway, and Austria for example), there is not the normalized social support structure in place for parents to stay home with their babies for longer than 6-12 weeks. Anyway, there was awesome support and then a few days later, some opportunities opened up if I wanted to work in Asia instead of staying at home with my child full time.
I received an offer from the regional branch of the company that would have had me working in Hong Kong doing some very exciting things with them. The way the company is structured means every country is seen as it’s own separate “company” within the structure of the larger company. This to me would have meant if I took the job, according to the Swedish labor law, I would not be guaranteed the rights to my job in Sweden once our time in Hong Kong was done. This in the end became the deciding factor – after all, we do not plan on staying here forever, and when I do go back to work, I want to have what is legally my right: my position, as I left it, in Sweden. My superiors back in Europe understood completely my decision and supported it without question, and reassured me that all would be just fine upon my return, whenever that may be.
Another deciding factor was the idea that we would have had to hire a nanny to watch the little guy. My wife and I would both be working a lot, and that would likely mean not much time spent with him, and very few trips to see family. There are a lot of “helpers” in Hong Kong, who are basically low-paid live-in nannies from all around Asia. These people are under-paid and serve almost as domestic servants to the families who hire them. The person who was talking with me about working in Hong Kong said, “oh, you can get a helper for cheap to take care of your son.” But to me and my wife, it’s not about taking care of my son for cheap. It’s about caring for his development, his growth, his evolution. To stay at home with him is not about me being a babysitter, it’s about me being his teacher, his support, his father.
So, although it was hard for me to not take the job offer to work in Hong Kong, I knew after those discussions that it was the right thing to do to stay on parental leave with my son.
My work, which has been a huge part of my identity in my adult years, is still important to me. But now my work is being a father. And being a father, and a good father, is the most important thing in the world to me. The second is being a good, supportive husband. Those are #1 and #2, and that means my little family is everything for me. I have not had this clear view of my true feelings on all of this until now, and to have that clear vision is a nice feeling.
When I go back to work, it will be very important to me of course, but my family is still at the top of the priority list. There are ways to work hard while keeping your family #1, and I intend to keep that balance.
Just like any “job”, being a stay at home dad has good days and bad, stressful situations, and so on. And just like any job it is rewarding. But the difference between this “job” and the kind we all do in exchange for money, is that this job is 24/7, 7 days a week, all-year-round, and the rewards are endless. In a job where you get paid, maybe you get a bonus, a raise, a promotion. In this job, you get a child who is developing daily, the fulfillment of contributing to the forming of a new contributing member of society who will hopefully do his part to make the world a better place. And those cute baby smiles, baby laughs, and funny moments are the bonus.
I am eternally grateful that I live in Sweden and have had this child in the Swedish system, because we do not have to worry about my pay during this time while I am on parental leave (you are paid a salary for 480 days of leave, and can distribute those days as you wish for up to 8 years). For those in other countries (like the USA), there is a different cultural attitude about staying at home with your child, and until I moved to Sweden I simply did not understand why the system there was as it is. But in places in the USA, you can still make your child #1 – you don’t have to be a stay at home dad to do that. Here are some ways my wife is staying involved while she is working full-time. There are many others but it seems like it helps her and the little guy stay connected emotionally and developmentally:
Prioritize your mornings and your evenings to spend with the baby
Be the “primary handler” of the baby on the weekends or other times when you are not working
Read to your baby (super super super important for a billion reasons)
Play with your baby – mothers and fathers play differently with babies, and there are valid reasons why each type of play is important
And for me, here were a few “outlook-related” elements to consider:
Make a decision to connect to your baby – that might mean disconnecting from some of your other hobbies or things you follow
Enjoy it. Parenting is not a drag, it’s not a “duty”, it’s a fun thing to do. Laugh at the hard times and funny times, keep it light, and let it be fun.
Make decisions as a “we” – not just you and your wife, but you, your wife, and your child.
I am sure that there will be times in the year ahead where I do miss work and that I really long for that different type of stimulation. I will cross that bridge when I get there, and try to prevent that by being “all-in” to being home with him. So basically, I’m using this time for the baby’s development, learning about him, and enabling him to learn about me as well. And while I’m at it, maybe I’ll also learn a bit about myself, too.
When you are walking around Hong Kong with European style and white skin, carrying things (like groceries or a child), it becomes obvious you are an expat – a person living in a country for a period of time with the intention of moving home. There is a difference between an expat and an immigrant – basically an expat is temporary (but not just visiting), an immigrant is permanent.
You see other expats, and they are just as easy to pick out as you are, regardless of skin color – “western” people just carry themselves and behave differently than the local people do. I have lived in a lot of places in my life – from growing up in the Midwest where everyone says hello, to New York before 9/11 when everyone basically had “screw off” written on their foreheads, to California where everyone seemed extra nice, to Sweden where everyone ignores one another not with malice but with collective ambivalence and maybe a little deep-rooted “jantelagen” at work keeping people from looking at one another. In all these places, the way you greet people on the street is socially embedded and therefore it makes it something to appreciate as part of the culture.
The way expats treat one another while in Hong Kong’s urban environments is special. I would have thought there would be a little nod of acknowledgment, a way of saying subtly “hey, I know you are also making sense of this crazy place – keep on going.” But instead, universally, expats here look through one another. Without exception, I have noticed that expats see one another, then they look straight through, as if the person no longer exists after the fraction of a second where they maybe made eye contact. Important to note that there is no value judgement attached to the ignoring, it is just happening (in other words, it’s not like the people are showing dislike for one another). I have noticed this in every part of Hong Kong, and even caught myself doing it today, to my dismay.
Why is this? I guess maybe the “westerners” who are here want to feel like they are the only special ones, like they alone are conquering this foreign land. I could see how that would basically help protect a person, and help them justify being away from “home”, and/or could help make a person feel special because they are “following the road less traveled.” By acknowledging others (outside of the bars and other socially structured meeting places), they are forced to come to terms with the fact that they are not the first foreign people here – we are all therefore “special”, and because of that, we are just like each other – not from here, here for work, planning to go back home, and so on.
I don’t necessarily have a concern or real reason for sharing about this besides that I find it absolutely fascinating. As a person who wants to meet other people here, I would like to do that through regular interaction instead of only social media or my wife’s friends. So to me, it is interesting that the mutual ignoring happens – because if we (expats) all acknowledged one another, we would be able to create a close-knit community within our neighborhoods, and could build solid friendships. It all starts with a smile amidst a sea of anonymity.
Today was a great day enjoying many more parks in the city – I am impressed at all the green spaces that if you aren’t looking, you would just walk right by. After the day, it was time for a bath for the little guy. In Sweden we were on 2-a-week baths, but now here in Hong Kong, where the air is not as fresh and clean as it is in Sweden, we are bumping it up to 3-a-week.
When we first had the little guy, we had read a lot about being careful not to make the water too hot. So we did all the tricks to ensure it was not too hot- after making it barely warm, we put our elbows in the water to test it (why is that an accurate test, when the skin is thicker on the elbow?!). Of course what happened? He hated it. From the minute we put him into the water he screamed. SCREAMED! It was too cold.
We later figured out that we needed to use warmer water than our elbows told us to use because we put him in water we thought was a little too warm according to the books/internet, but seemed a bit more reasonable for us – and he loved it. So the moral of the story is to just use good judgment. The function of a bath is to get the baby clean, not to help them relax like it might be for me or you, so you need the temperature to be at body temp. That temperature to me or you might seem a little cold, but to a baby is like being back in the womb. Test the temperature using your hands or stick your hand in deep enough for your forearm or wrist to give you a good idea of the temperature (by the way, it shouldn’t be too deep, maybe up to the baby’s belly when you hold him). Just remember an easy rule of thumb: will this bath increase my baby’s core temperature? If the answer is yes, then it is too warm. Then if you lower him into the water slowly, feet touching the water first, you will know immediately if the temperature is ok – too warm and the baby will probably not like it, and the skin will turn a little pinker (this has never happened for us, but this is what it says everywhere online). Too cold and the baby will let you know 😉
My wife and I were talking about it, and we are really glad we bought 2 things for the bath: Stokke Flexi Bath (we got the white one), and Stokke Flexi Bath Newborn Support (also in white). We like the bath because it folds up – so it is not taking a lot of space. We like the support because it is a platform to place the baby on and it helps make it less stressful to control the baby – and now at this age of 4 months, he can lay there and kick the water and have a little fun, while we pour water over him, scrub him, play a little, and so on. We usually give baths as a team, so one person can make sure his head is ok and he is not at risk.
In the bath we use Libero Baby Wash and Libero Oil, and that’s all we use. The oil keeps him nice and greasy moisturized. Gotta be sure all the little folds are clean when bathing him, so we also use a little washcloth mitten to make sure he’s as clean as possible while using minimal products. For after the bath, I’ve learned those baby bath towels (with the extra fabric in the corner) are just there to make it easier for you to dry the baby’s head – and that is their only function. Apparently, they are not there for the purpose of making the baby feel like superman and flying around with a cape. 😛
Today we meet again in the park for lunch. I pick up lunch, and we meet at this small park near my wife’s work. The park is in the middle of the busy streets, but it is fragrant with tropical flowers and offers a little bit of peace and some privacy for breastfeeding. The area we go to is a part of the larger park is called Sham Shui Po Sports Ground, which also has a football field, track, and some basketball courts.
the grounds – we meet in the upper left corner
Not a bad place for a little meetup as a family, to keep my wife in the loop – and me sane 😉
floral getaway for lunch at Sham Shui Po Sports Ground
Today is a rainy day and the little guy is taking what I hope will be a little longer afternoon nap. I talked on the phone today with a good friend of mine who is eagerly anticipating the birth of their baby, and that led into a very short “dude talk” about breastfeeding. I realized maybe it would be good for other guys (or maybe not only the guys) if I wrote about it here.
Having a baby in Sweden, there is a lot of social pressure to breastfeed. There are many classes you can and should attend before having the baby, and one was all about breastfeeding. In this class, they essentially told us that the baby will just naturally find their way to the breast as soon as they are born and are placed on the mother’s chest. They also told us it was all very natural/instinctual and basically eluded to the idea that breastfeeding is so natural and easy, it will be a lovely experience. This might be true for some dream parents (those are the same parents whose newborn baby never cries and sleeps thru the night from day one), but this was not the case for us. It was difficult. Stressful. Painful. Emotionally draining. And that’s just how I felt – I know that for the baby and my wife it was even more intense.
We had our baby at SÖS (Stockholm Söder Sjukhuset), and the birth itself was quite traumatic (I might share about that at some other point), and then afterwards we were brought to the gorgeous BB Hotel (awesome views of the archipelago, nice food, nice and fresh rooms). It was all so sudden – it was like 2 hours after he was born, and we were saying, “What do we do now?” A midwife did a quick checkup and when we asked about breastfeeding, they told us to change to the channel on the tv that shows you how to do it. We did that, and all it did was show us propaganda about how great it is to breastfeed (we were thinking, “ok, we know how great it is, but what exactly do we do to make sure we are doing it correctly?”). In other words, nothing on the TV about how exactly to do it and what kinds of things to look out for. So we tried, and the baby seemed to eat a little, and then fell asleep, and this would happen every time we tried.
We asked midwife after midwife to show us how to breastfeed (every time they came to check), and they would just give us a general “ah, you can do this or that”, but it was all very non-committal. Like when you ask someone about the different neighborhoods when you are moving to a new city. We even called them and asked multiple times for someone to show us because we did not feel it was working right – and nobody would come. Finally, after 1 full day of asking for them to show us how, a more “senior level” midwife was doing a routine room visit and noticed the baby was a little “sluggish”. The midwife said, “no, he is not eating right, let me show you.” So here are some steps to follow based on that instruction:
How to breastfeed a newborn baby:
For the first few times, squeeze a little breast milk out to get them to show interest in the nipple – it tastes sweet and they will like the flavor, but they need to know where it comes from.
you can also do this onto a spoon, to give them a taste, and to get them more interested in having more (it’s like giving them an appetizer)
The baby will be lying down in the mother’s arms, but basically their nose needs to be at the nipple, and when they open their mouth this will bring their chin upward/forward and make it so the milk goes down the throat easier – if the nipple is not a “reach” for them, then the “line-up” of the mouth and nipple is not working as efficiently as it could
The baby will open their mouth, and often it will not be open wide enough. If the baby is not opening BIG, they need to be pulled a little away from the nipple, and then they need to try again. Basically the baby must, as the nurse said “gapa stort!” (open wide!)
In that moment that they have their mouth open wide, you need to pull the baby’s head onto your breast all the way – the mom does this by putting her hand between the baby’s shoulder blades and pulling the baby towards her breast – the baby must essentially have their mouth as wide over the breast as they can with the nipple basically at the back of the mouth (they breathe thru the nose, don’t worry) 😉
The baby should then be switched when the breast is no longer giving them milk – which could be after 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes – just depends on the mother and the baby (more on the timeline further below)
How do you know if the baby is not latched on correctly?
If you can see the nipple, you should probably try again because the baby is probably not latched on, which would lead to pain for the mother
Nipple shape – if it is squished instead of rounded (in other words smashed instead of looking like a version of a new eraser on a wood pencil), that means the nipple is not back far enough in the baby’s throat – again, it will lead to pain for the mother
Pain – if it is really painful, it is not right (makes sense, right?)
There are a lot of opinions on this one. The midwife who taught us how to breastfeed told us to feed from 1 side for 10-15 minutes and then switch sides. Our little guy was falling asleep after 10 minutes of eating, so we had a lot of trouble with this. What eventually ended up happening was he was eating for 10 minutes from 1 side, then 10 minutes from the other, and then he was falling asleep. The problem with is is that my wife’s breasts still had milk in them. You might not think this is a problem, but actually it is a huge problem, and here’s why:
Foremilk / Hindmilk Imbalance and Lactose Overload:
Breastmilk is made up of 2 kinds of milk: Foremilk and Hindmilk. The way it works is basically the foremilk is sweeter, and it is the milk at the beginning of the feeding – I think it must be nature’s way of getting the baby to want to eat. The Hindmilk is a little “further back”, and it’s where the majority of the nutrients and fat are. All mothers have this, so if your baby has this problem, it has nothing to do with YOU, it’s all about managing the ratio. You want your baby to have a mix of both milks. But in the case that we had, the baby was never “emptying the breast”, so he was mainly getting a lot of foremilk with a little hindmilk. Who cares, right? The baby’s body cares. Here’s what happens when they do not get enough of a balance of foremilk and hindmilk:
VERY gassy baby
Irritable baby = colicky baby
Grunting baby
Green poop
Vinegary-smelling poop
Explosive poop
Baby constantly hungry
and more, but you get the picture, right?
The science of it is like this: the Foremilk is very sugary, and those sugars cannot all be digested. They end up sitting in the intestines and being absorbed into the walls of the intestines, where they actually ferment. This fermented sugar gives off a lot of gas, which is very uncomfortable for the baby, and leads to grunting in their sleep and just a lot of gas in general. Our little guy had so much gas that sometimes it led to explosive poop, which might be a funny story for another time. Anyway, all this created a situation with literally every one of those above issues were present – and I found out about it when the poop finally changed to being green (should be yellow), and when I went to change the diaper and it smelled like vinegar (instead of buttery).
I found this information by googling “baby’s poop smells like vinegar” – and then there was a link to an article buried in a forum about breastfeeding, and the article with all the information about Lactose Overload (and much more) was found at BabyCareAdvice.com.
Basically, just make sure you are making the baby latch on correctly and feeding your baby from each breast until it is completely empty before switching. If the baby falls asleep, there are things you can do to keep them awake (if they REALLY need to eat). If the breast is not “finished” but they are, then you start from that breast again next feeding. If you always alternate, you will find yourself in the vicious cycle of foremilk-foremilk-foremilk, because they will always think they are full too early, and then you will feed them foremilk all the time.
Your Role in Breastfeeding (as the father)
As the father, it’s your responsibility to set your breastfeeding partner up for success by being supportive – cheer them on, tell them how great they are doing, if they get frustrated and distraught, be there as a coach to remind them of the steps. Point is, don’t just say, “oh, it’s feeding, that’s her thing” – it is YOUR thing, too. Also, make sure she has a lot of water – always get her a fresh glass (or get her a water bottle and refill it before every feeding), make sure she has enough pillows (get her the feeding pillow), and so on. Do your part – even though you do not have breasts, you can still contribute.
Definitely make sure you search around for help elsewhere on this. Breastfeeding is not easy, and everyone’s different, but the fundamentals I mentioned above are still there. Here are some good sites!
We’ve all heard about “mom jeans“, and I’d assume “dad jeans” would involve tons of pockets and unnecessary add-ons. Nonetheless, I’ve got a pair that I think should be considered the ultimate pair of “dad jeans”.
Levi’s 511 Commuter
They’re the Levi’s 511 Commuter. They are meant for bicycle enthusiasts and bicycle messengers, but they don’t look like something you’d find on the bicycle messengers I’ve seen in most cities – they’re nicely fitted clean, dark denim (they also have khaki’s).
They also have some of that technology that guys seem to be addicted to: water repellant finish ( also works for baby vomit), stretch and reinforced crotch (lots of bending over as a dad), and a reflective inseam (roll up your pant legs a little and be seen by cars at night). There is also an odor resistant treatment in case it takes a while to get around to washing them. Basically the greatest and coolest dad jeans ever made.
Today we enjoyed another day out and about, met the little guy’s mom and had lunch, and walked thru Sham Shui Po Market looking at all the options for electronics. By the time we made it home, it was our son’s lucky day (after all, today is his 4 month birthday!): his baby gym had arrived! Tjoho!
There are a billion options for baby gyms, from plastic-y and bright to natural and subtle. We went somewhere in-between, with one that is a mix of developmentally good for the little guy (the maker says there are 17 developmental activities!), while at the same time we wouldn’t mind it being in our living room. The toys are nice and soft and have all sorts of great features (music, rattles, etc). It’s called the “Treetop Friends Activity Gym”, made by Skip Hop.
The Skip Hop Treetop Friends activity gym is a big hit
So, when we arrived home and it was waiting for us, I was father of the year: I opened the packages and set up the gym while the little guy was in the bouncer. Then I prepared a bottle just a little too warm, so it would be ready to eat in 5 min. Finally, I put the little guy on the gym and watched him have the time of his life. He loved the gym, and was laughing and swinging his arms. Awesome!
Then it was time to feed him, and he ate the whole bottle, burped, and it was nap time. Or was it? He wouldn’t fall asleep, no-matter what I did. So, I laid on my back and put him on my stomach and we played a bit. He is learning about sitting up, so he loves this. He then threw up. It was a normal amount and I could catch it in my hands, so again I felt pretty awesome, like I was “on top of things”. Then when I had him in the air over me, he puked. Big time. All over my shirt. So the lesson here is that just when you think you have it all figured out, you can always get vomited on. Or, maybe you shouldn’t play too much with a recently-fed baby. 😉
A Father on Pappa Leave 