Day 338: no power to whining

February 1, 2016 Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

The little guy is sometimes two completely different people. When it is just me and him (or at least when his mom is not around), he rarely cries or whines. But when mom comes home, if she is not holding him all the time, he whines a ton, and will also have a little meltdown crying big crocodile tears until he gets what he wants.

I can’t imagine it is easy for my wife to experience this. She gets home from a long day at work and then she had to carry around a not-so-light whine machine who won’t even let her go pee. Meanwhile, I am ignored by both parties, who are focused on their own dysfunctional relationship.

I have tried to explain to my wife that if you “give power” to his whining, he learns that it will get him a result, and then he continues the behavior. Of course there are times when it is valid, like when he is hungry or tired, but if there is just a nonstop whine happening, then it’s best to ignore it and he will stop doing it. As I tell the little guy when he tries to whine, “we have no place to go, and no people who will be annoyed by you whining, so keep on doing it, it will have the same result.” (Maybe I am telling that more to myself than him 😉 )

To me it is all about consistency and teaching him the right behaviors as a human. We as adults are not allowed to whine when we want something, so it is probably best if he learns that lesson now.

As for the whining when his mother is home, he will eventually learn that whining is not the way to get her affection – I suspect that if she gets down to his level, picks him up before he whines, and then puts him down on her own terms, he will see that she doesn’t need him nagging her. Basically they should probably create a “come home routine”.

As for me, it’s hard to stand by in the nights and weekends as the Jekyl/Hyde routine ensues from the little guy, but it’s all part of the process, and from what I understand there is a little bit of role reversal happening; usually it is the dad who experiences this – but as I’m at home, it’s the other way around.

Day 337: Finger Painting vs Crayons

January 31, 2016 Pappa on Leave2 Comments

Today the little guy had an opportunity to express himself artistically. My wife is incredibly talented with paint and drawing, whereas my artistic skills stopped in first grade when my teacher told me I needed coloring lessons (true story).

So my wife got him some toddler crayons and some finger paints, while I picked up a roll of paper and the keep-him-clean outfit (ikea for both things). Thus, this morning we loaded up the table, ready for 2 rounds: first round coloring, second round painting (gotta go in order of messiness).

Coloring was a hit after the little guy realized he can make a mark on the paper when he moves his hand while holding the oversized crayon. Not surprisingly, the marks on the paper indicate he was just moving his arms in a “back and forth” curved motion with himself at the center point. He also learned that while they might be non-toxic, the crayons do not taste good, so I am happy that was a lesson learned early. Then, it was on to painting.

I should point out that I have noticed that the little guy does not like having his fingers messy. Juice from eating clementines? No problem. A load of red pasta sauce, or worse yet, yogurt? No way. So, I was eager to see if he would be able to look past that when painting. As it turns out, once he found out it was not tasty, he was not excited about finger painting. So basically after 12 seconds he was over it, despite my wife’s urging.

basically untouched by toddler hands. but look how good of a finger painter my wife is!

So, we found out today that it will be crayons over painting in the future. On the one hand as a guy who does not like messes, I am mildly relieved. But on the other hand, I kind of wish he liked the painting more or at least equally to crayons. Maybe after we give it a couple more tries he will warm up to it. Until then, I better keep tabs on those crayons – we just painted his bedroom walls white. 😉

Day 336: the “I Can” toddler spoon

January 30, 2016 Pappa on Leave1 Comment

Today a package arrived that we had been waiting eagerly for. In it was an aid to the next step in the little guy’s development: a spoon. “A spoon?” You say? Yep.

For the most part the little guy has been happy to use his hands when eating, but we have found that if we give him a spoon, he wants to eat with it. Of course the problem is that it is a bit awkward for toddlers to hold a traditional spoon because they curl their wrist so their thumb is pointing to themselves. Enter the “I Can” spoon.

My wife read about these spoons online somewhere – maybe a Swedish parenting blog or something. They are not available in the USA yet, but I have a feeling that just like the Baby Björn carrier and the Näsfrida, this will make it into the market there too.

So, tonight we ate Salmon and “mathavre” (food oats, they are prepared as if oats were related to rice), and the little guy tried out his new spoon. How did it go? He loved this thing! It was crazy how after we showed him how to use it, he picked it up pretty quickly. Of course there is still a long way to go before 60% of the food doesn’t hit the floor before getting to him, and he has to learn to load it himself, but this just added a new and interesting element to eating that I think will make it a lot more interesting to him going forward. I’m very excited about this new spoon!

Day 335: Separation Anxiety from Mamma

January 29, 2016 Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

My wife arrived back home a few nights ago, and with this came a change that happens every time she is gone. When it is just me and the little guy, he is happy and never whines; usually we just go about our day doing things in harmony. But then when my wife is around, all hell breaks loose. He walks around whining all day long, he doesn’t eat during meals, he wants attention always, and he freaks out when she leaves the room.

Basically it is the most annoying thing possible. If you can imagine not working so you can take care of your son, and spending all your time with him – and then have him throw it in your face by ignoring you when the other parent is around, then you can see where I am coming from here. On the one hand it bothers me, but on the other hand it makes sense and it would be the same way if my wife was home and I were working. Regardless,,it still doesn’t make it feel any better.

So for now I just watch the two of them like two peas in a pod, while I take a breathe and enjoy the momentary freedom that comes at the expense of my wife having a 14-month-old shadow following her around.

Day 334: Thanks for the cookies

January 28, 2016 Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

Today me and the little guy met my wife for lunch. There was a guy there who was alone, and it seemed like maybe he was having a rough go at things lately. He sat alone and looked deeply pensive, but when he was up walking around the restaurant, he looked confident and in control. But it was the times he didn’t know he was being seen that I sensed a sadness or challenge might be behind that confidence – until he saw the little guy.

The little guy and this man played and smiled and laughed from across the restaurant, and then at the end of the meal the man came over to say hi and brought a few gingerbread cookies from the coffee table.

My wife and I looked at each other in silent and polite panic (the Swedish way!) as we do not give cookies to the little guy – we don’t give any sugar at all, and here we have two cookies staring at us in the face. What do we do? Do we move them away and act like they were never brought over? Do we let the little guy have them?

Yes, we let the little guy eat those 2 cookies. Both my wife and I hated it, but the fact is, this man needed it. He needed to contribute today to the life of this new friend he made. He needed to do something for him, and we, the parents, needed to back off and let it happen. I hope that this man walked off built up a bit by the whole thing, with his burdens lighter. As for the little guy, he loved it, there’s no question he would be happy to see this man again 😉

Day 333: change my diaper now

January 27, 2016 Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

Yesterday I wrote about the little guy throwing away his diaper. It’s pretty funny and awesome to see :). Today he did something really funny, also diaper related.

We change him in the laundry room on a pad on the floor. We started with the on-the-floor changing when he started moving around more (maybe around 6 months), because why risk it? So we were in the laundry room and we were looking at the towels in the washing machine. He walked over to the basket that contains the diapers, grabbed one, sat down on his changing pad, and held it out to me while saying “da” (which is what he says when he wants something).

I said, “what is it? Is that a diaper?” And he responded with, “da,” and pushed it to me. So I asked, “do you want me to change your diaper?” And he happily went to his back and didn’t give me any hassle as I changed his barely-wet diaper.

Since his diaper was not very wet at all, I assume one of two things is happening: 1) he wanted me to change him so he could have a diaper to throw away. 2) he wanted me to change him because he is becoming more aware of his body – maybe he had just peed. Either way, it is fascinating! 🙂

Day 332: throwing the diaper away

January 26, 2016 Pappa on Leave5 Comments

The little guy has new tricks that he’s picked up every day. One of my favorites is this one he’s had for the last week: throwing away his diaper.

Basically we use diaper bags (actually we buy dog poop bags and use them for diapers), and at the end of when we change the diaper, we put them in the bags. Up until recently, we have always had to throw the diaper away ourselves, but now the little guy does that for us.

It’s super funny that he starts to whine when the diaper change is over, while I am tying the top of the bag. And then I let him get up, and he takes the bag, walks to the door under the sink, pulls it open, and throws it away. Then he closes the door and walks away. It’s awesome!

There are so many funny things he is doing right now, and he learns so quickly, so you never know what’s around the corner. As long as it is household chores that he insists on helping me with, then I will be happy 😉

Day 331: From Head to Toe by Eric Carle

January 25, 2016 Pappa on Leave1 Comment

Eric Carle books are popular for kids for good reason: they are awesome. The popular ones include “Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?” and “The Hungry Caterpillar.” My son really likes Brown Bear, but he has a new favorite that is not as popular: “From Head to Toe.”

This book is fantastic because it teaches the names of the animals – but it also involves movements that the child can learn and do along while you read. Some are basic that the little guy has been doing for many months, like clap his hands, and others require more critical thinking to understand – like the difference between shaking his head (like the penguin) and bending his neck (like the giraffe). This past week the little guy learned a bunch of things – now he knows how to pound his chest like a gorilla, stomp his foot like an elephant, and bend his knee like a camel. And the very fact that I can say what animal does those things without thinking twice shows you just how many times we have read it 😉

Day 330: grandparents and their grandson

January 24, 2016 Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

Today we had a nice day with family on both sides involved. We started with a proper smorgåsbord at my wife’s sister’s, and ended the day with my parents, who are on a short visit from the US, playing with the little guy.

It is hard to explain the joy I have in my heart when I see my son playing with his family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins). To see him playing, for example running around the table, waiting to be chased by my mother while squealing with laughter, it is something I will burn into my memory for the future. To see it, and to enjoy the happiness of everyone is the kind of thing that you hope for and when it happens, it is special.

I guess to people who have family around, it is probably easy to take these things for granted. But to me, I really cherish it, and I hope they, and my son do too. 🙂

Day 329: recycling the Swedish way

January 23, 2016 Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

Do you recycle? If so, it’s a real pain separating “recycleables” and garbage into two separate garbage cans for your local authority to sort later, isn’t it?

If you think the above process is a pain, you should take a visit to Sweden, where they take garbage management to higher levels – good higher levels for the environment, and it takes a lot more attention from each individual than in other places.

As the consumer in Sweden, it is your responsibility to separate your garbage into the following categories:

Burning garbage (the non-recycleables) – it’s own garbage can that gets picked up from your house
Food waste – cooking waste and/or scrape your plates into the compost bag; also has it’s own garbage can that they pick up
Recycleables – you must bring these to recycling stations yourself:

Paper
Cardboard
Colored glass
Clear glass
Metal
Plastic
Deposit cans and bottles

So, when you separate and recycle so many things, your “normal” garbage ends up being less and less, making the garbage cans comically small compared to those in the US. Further, it is expected here that you recycle as a responsible person (and you can get fined if you have too much recycleable or food waste in your garbage).

The local recycling sorting facility is a really nice place with basically large sorting containers for everything, and it is surprisingly clean. If you want, you can even get a free latte at the coffee machine in the indoor waiting room.

A Father on Pappa Leave

Author: Pappa on Leave