In the age of Instagram, Snapchat, and all the other social media, it seems like there’s a photo out there for every moment; everything special and unique that could happen. It could be me, it could be you, it could be a big celebrity – regardless of who it is, we are all posting an image of something we have done or are doing.
So, when we go on vacation to a place like Thailand, are we doing things because we want to do them, or because of the cool photo? For example, today we had a young coconut to drink while we enjoyed the ocean breeze. We walked along the beach with the little guy and his sand toys. We took a walk along the boardwalk to take in the sunset. I held the little guy when we were in the ocean, looking at the boats go by. My wife played with the little guy at the pool.
Do we do this things because we genuinely want to experience them, or is there a part of us (small or large) that wants us to do it so we can share it on social media? Of course we learned growing up that sharing is a good thing, but this kind of sharing is more of the “look how cool this is,” rather than “experience this with me.”
So I sat there posting a picture of the coconut on Instagram wondering, did we really want this coconut, or was it the picture it afforded us? Then I looked over at my wife enjoying it immensely, and realized for her at least, she really wanted the coconut 😉
look how great our exotic vacation is!enjoy then share or enjoy to share?
Today we were out in the ocean for the first time with the little guy. It was so much fun – after a while he was really enjoying the water and the rhythm of the ocean. We didn’t go too far out with him, but when my wife had him I swam further out, and BOOM, that’s when I got bit. Or did I?
Zing! I turned around quickly after I felt a light but noticeable sting on my side. Zap! I thrust my leg upward just a moment later. Is this tiny jellyfish, I wonder? Like little baby ones? Bits of razor sharp sand ripping into my skin? Or maybe it’s some kind of super salty water that stings your skin a little? That’s what I hypothesized to my wife when she also felt the light tingles later on.
So, what is it? I took to this resource I often go to for answers: the Internet. Maybe you’ve heard of it? Anyway, I’m not the only one out there who has wondered about this or written about it. There’s all sorts of reasons listed, ranging from “a type of coral” (none on our beach), to “sea lice” (sounds creepy). But I’ll go with this explanation from knowphuket.com:
Occasionally, you may notice a light stinging sensation in the water. It is a quick sting that fades so quickly you are not even sure it happened. There are two causes. There may be stingers floating in the water that have fallen from jellyfish further out at sea and washed into shore. The other cause is sea mites; tiny sea creatures that bite if they come into contact with your skin. In both cases, the sting is harmless to most people but a few may get an allergic reaction.
So, I was right with the connection to the jellyfish and wrong about the salty water and razor sand. I am just glad I am not crazy and now I know what it was. And the little guy? He didn’t seem to notice or be bothered by it, so all is fine for more time on the water again. 🙂
Today we made our trip to Thailand! Tjoho! It was a smooth flight and we arrived without incident to the resort we are staying at outside of Phuket. Love it when that happens 🙂
This afternoon we spent our time walking around the grounds of the resort and enjoying the beauty of the place. It’s a big complex basically, and I’ll write a review of it later. It was pretty warm, like 28 degrees c, so the little guy (and we) were ready to cool down.
By the time we got to the pool it was not soooooo hot outside, but it was perfect for a swim. We sat there in the shallower water playing with a beach ball I got for the little guy that looks like a watermelon.
He was having such a nice time, enjoying the wonder of splashing water, walking around a little bit, and he even tried to sit in water that was a bit over his head. He loved it all.
He loved playing with us, and I just sat there and looked at him and reveled in how much I love this little person. He is not always a dream to be around, but there is never a question in my mind of the love I have for him. Today, while I sat there in the pool, I realized how fleeting the moment is, and how he will never be this age again; never be satisfied with a simple splash in the pool. But today he was, and that’s all that mattered.
One of the dads in our group of friends is a former professional footballer, and he has been coaching for years kids and young adults of all ages. Since he has a kid in the age that a lot of people start putting kids in football class (16 months, same age as the little guy), he offered to have a football class for our friend group free of charge.
So, off we went to the football class, not knowing what to really expect. I mean, how much can a small group of 16-21 month-old kids really do/learn in 1 hour? Turns out, quite a lot! There is a lot of discipline in all sports, and I think most athletes would agree that having discipline at the core of it all is essential. So you would not be surprised to hear that the coach took charge of these little people, with the parents backing him up, and by the end, even the wildest of the kids was paying attention and only moving when told to.
Most of this revolved around a simple concept: the line is where you hang out during class, and you get off the line to do an activity, and then you go back there. So, the coach had all these fun little activities that he would first show them how to do, and then they would follow those instructions while the parents came along and cheered them on. And then, they went back to the line and sat down. Activity after activity, the routine was the same, until they just knew that this is what you had to do.
All-in-all I think it was a really great time had by all – parents and children alike. There was a lot of fun stuff that the kids did that I am interested to see if they will remember next time, and I am also curious to see if they will remember that the line is where you sit and pay attention. Super interesting to say the least. And I must say, the little guy was the best one on the field (surely I’m not biased 😉 ).
Today it was a weird weather day in Hong Kong. Not too warm, but warmer than it has been the last few days, and super humid. So humid the air is sticky and it feels like the middle of summer. So humid the windows are fogged up and you cannot see outside. So humid that everything is wet. Everything, especially, that a little toddler touches.
We started off our day like normal, with the around-the-house playing, reading all the books, and so on. Then, on we went to the main square, where it is nice for the little guy to go and run around before his nap.
Off he went, exploring the square, falling down, getting up, leaning over to look in the fountain, and so on. And in the process, he got dirty. DIRTY. Muddy. Filthy. When it is dry, things don’t stick to kids so much, but when it is wet, everything is stuck, leaving a mark of the exploration that has come before.
actual photo
I was on the phone with my brother, and at one point when the little guy turned around, I saw that he was super dirty from head to toe, with wet pants and an orange fleece jacket that was now brown, and I realized that he was “that kid.” You know, that kid you see and you silently judge the parents because they obviously never do laundry? You know, that kid who the parents have no control over, otherwise they would be sitting perfectly eating a mess-free snack in their tuxedo? You know, “that kid.” The one who when he/she comes near your kid, you think, “oh boy, I hope my son/daughter does not get sick from that kid.” So this morning, the little guy was “that kid.”
After he got completely dirty, he proceeded to the fountain, where he decided not to listen to me, and stuck his foot into the water, and then proceeded to cry because it was cold and uncomfortable. Then his grand finale was to fall into a puddle of muddy water. Luckily I had a change of clothing with me, so I proceeded to do the clothing switch before his nap, so when he was napping he looked like a perfect little angel. Little did everyone know that just minutes earlier, he was “that kid.”
Today we went to Disneyland (again! 2nd time this week!), and it was a group of 3 parent-children. It was a great time as usual, and all parties were tired when leaving the park, which usually leads to a good night’s sleep for the little ones and parents 🙂
I have written about our friend who does not seem to have the same parenting style as me and a few other friends. You can read about it here, but the short story is she does not use the “teachable moments” with her child, and so he does not learn when he does something wrong. Today something happened that illustrated my concern with spending time with this parent and her child. It’s worth sharing not as a complaint about her or her child, but as a heads up to all of us parents of toddlers.
This child is generally unaware of his actions. He is a smart kid, and he has the potential to be more self-aware, but he is never given the opportunity because he does not get taught anything when something happens. So, today, he was playing near the third child in the group (not my son, but the other parent’s child), and he rammed into the other kid with his head, knocking them both down, and hurting the other kid – bloody lip and gums because he hit the metal bar.
The situation sucked because nobody wants to see someone else’s child hurt. My little guy was not near them, and there was no question what happened between the other two children because we all saw it. So, the child is crying, and the mother of the child who hurt this child does not do anything. I think if you asked her “why not?” she would say, “he doesn’t understand, he’s just a kid. He’s too young.”
I disagree with this sentiment completely. He does understand, he does “get it”, he can be taught, but to be honest, he is being “babied”. The other parent was really concerned about their son, and the mother of the son who did the hurting felt bad, you could tell. However, when your child gets hurt by somebody else’s, what you want to see is the other parent teaching their child not to do what they just did. Use the moment as a “teachable moment,” so to speak.
When the little guy hurts someone (which he does, he is no angel), I am quick to teach him, to use the opportunity for him to learn what is good and what is not good. When he hurts this child who we are talking about, the mother is instantly in there making sure my son is not doing what he is doing – but she is never concerned enough about other children to make sure her child is not doing something that is not ok. It’s frustrating to say the least.
So, on we go. It is super interesting to me how all the different parenting styles come together in such a multi-cultural place like Hong Kong. Some things are due to being from different countries, but other things simply come down to personal differences and approaches to parenting. There is no clear-cut answer for what is “right” or “not right,” but to me having a “teach your child whenever you can” mindset seems like it can only be good.
As a good Swedish immigrant, I have been taught to appreciate the art form of “schlager” music. Basically, the song starts out kind of soft and gets more intense, and then builds up until it breaks open into a full-out musical explosion. If you listen to a song, and it makes you want to throw your fist into the air as you sing along, it can probably be classified as schlager.
I have written before about Sweden as a country’s influence on popular music, so it is no surprise that Sweden as a country takes Eurovision seriously. They get into it with a 6-week music competition where the winner gets to represent Sweden in the Eurovision song contest. This 6-week music competition is called “Melodifestivalen” (melody party), and it is something that everyone watches, talks about, and has an opinion about. That last one I am really good at. 😉
Sweden has had a lot of winners in Eurovision, and especially over the past few years, they have rocked it, winning in 2012 and 2015. In the years they do not win, they usually come in pretty close to winning. In other words, Sweden knows what they are doing with Eurovision. With their proud history of good schlager music, and their ability to sense the kinds of songs that will perform well, there’s a good chance they will select a good entry. But this is not always what happens.
This year’s winning song, If I Were Sorry, is a really good song. It sticks in your head, especially the instrumental part, and it just will not go away. But there’s a difference between good songs, and good songs that will win Eurovision. A Eurovision winner is usually inspiring, and usually has some good schlager pump-your-hand-in-the-air vibe. This song, if you really listen to it, is a kind of asshole song. It’s basically a song about all the things this guy would do if he were sorry, but he’s not sorry. So maybe he cheated on his girlfriend, but he’s not sorry. Or he walked out on his family, but he’s not sorry. You see where I am going with this, right? How could Sweden chose this song to represent them, when they are the country that thrust their first winner, Abba, into international superstardom? A country full of optimism, a country where doing the right thing is embedded in the social fabric of who they are? (except for that guy who ran into my mailbox and didn’t leave a note)
The kid that sings this song, Frans, has a nostalgia effect because he sung some song about Zlatan when he was really little. And Zlatan is a big deal to Swedes. For the American readers, Zlatan is a soccer player from Sweden, and he can literally do no wrong. So there’s that. And then there’s also the fact that Sweden is pretty big into rallying behind the underdog, who went up against more well-known musicians like Ace Wilder, who sang Don’t Worry (a much much better song that could have won). And don’t even get me started on who was probably voting the most (teenage girls).
So, in 2016, we can say that Sweden simply decided that they did not want to win Eurovision, so they put forth If I Were Sorry, instead of Don’t Worry, Human, Put Your Love on Me, and even Kizunguzungu. A note to Frans: if I were sorry about this blog post, I would do so many things. But I’m not.
I go out to lunch a lot with the little guy and our friends. We eat in restaurants around town, wherever we happen to be, and make it work with whatever type of restaurant we feel like going to. The hope is that he will learn how to behave in these public settings, and will eventually become one of those well-behaved kids at restaurants, simply because it will not be a big deal and/or he has learned the routine of it. The other reason is because it seems like a really bad idea to make it so he can only eat meals at home.
One thing I have noticed is that Kid’s Menus are usually full of junk food options. There could be all sorts of things on the regular menu, but then the kid’s menu comes out and it’s the following:
Burger & Fries
Hotdog & Fries
Chicken Nuggets & Fries
Fish Fingers & Fries
Pasta Bolognaise
Chicken Quesadilla & Chips
This is a pretty standard kids menu around Hong Kong. I don’t understand why there has to be fries on almost every option, and I do not understand why I should expect that a restaurant serving Thai food would be any good at making Pasta Bolognaise, for example.
Why not some healthy options that are interesting to eat, or something that is kind of similar to the cuisine of the restaurant, since the kids end up eating their parents food anyway?
I suppose these foods are things that kids like, and if kids like them, they will sit there happily and not disturb their parents or other guests. So I suppose I understand where the restaurant is coming from, although it does not make it any easier for me, who is trying to raise a son who eats healthier options. I can always bring food along, which I try to do occasionally anyway, but I have a moral dilemma about that because I do not feel it is right to bring outside food into a restaurant and expect them to heat it up and help me and my son, while I am the only one buying food.
What I would rather do is order a few things from the regular menu and share with my son and take the leftovers home, or if we are with the right friend of the little guy, the two of them can share. Even better would be the restaurant that would simply make a smaller portion, and call it a “child portion” of anything on the menu.
Today me and the little guy went to Disneyland with a fellow stay-at-home dad and his little guy. We have a lot in common with our little guys being very close in age, and our relationships with our wives being from Scandinavia, and so on, so even though we have not known each other for more than a month, we have quickly started to spend a lot of time together and get to know one another.
We had for the most part of the day a really nice time, and as the afternoon wore on, he shared that his wife had a check-up today, and he was a little concerned because there was some bleeding. She was 14 weeks pregnant, so she was far enough along that they had told people that she was pregnant. He is a proud father, and was beaming with happiness when he told us he was going to be a father at the end of the summer. Proud, happy, and excited.
So, as the afternoon progressed, he got more and more worried. He was checking his phone constantly. He was concerned. We talked about it, and I said that it does not necessarily mean anything is wrong, and suggested that he stay away from googling it too much and wait for word from the doctor. But then, as we were on our way home, the phone rang.
As he sat there on the phone, I looked at him, and he just shook his head, “no.” I knew what he meant. They had lost the baby. The sadness in his face, in his eyes, is his body language is something I will never forget. He was crushed. He hung up the phone, and just said, “no more.” I grabbed his shoulder, gave it a squeeze, and kept my mouth shut. Sometimes saying nothing is the best thing to do. So we sat there on the metro ride from Disneyland in silence, as our toddlers chatted amongst themselves.
He looked a little angry, but as we journeyed home, I saw that it was not anger, it was simply that he was in his head, wondering if they did something wrong. Could they have been more careful in those earlier days with her stress levels, with what they ate? Could they have done anything differently? Then he said the only thing I would have said, “I guess if the baby did not make it thru this part, it would not have been healthy enough to survive anyway.” I told him this is the commonly-held ideology, and to hold firm knowing this in the days ahead. Also, I said that it reminds us of how lucky we are to have children, and it puts things into perspective to just appreciate what you have, and pointed to the little guys.
He jumped off the bus at his stop and went on his way, trying to add some bounce in his step. My heart was crushed for him as he headed home tonight to his distraught wife, who was also excited about the second one. They will be ok, they have great attitudes and the right outlook on life, but today was so hard to see that I just want to give them both a big hug.
I have written about the glory of Japanese Curry, which I think is basically the best of all the curries. It is under-represented in the curry world, just like another hidden gem: Malaysian Curry.
Malaysian Curry is also brown with a yellowish afterglow, and has a bit of a kick that comes in the end. It is sweeter than Japanese curry, but in a way that is endearing and comfortable. It is not as thick as Japanese curry, which has a lot fewer vegetables in it than Malaysian curry. And a final differentiator is the presence of some peanuts. Maybe just as a garnish or added to the sauce, you can taste them there, cheering you on to enjoy your meal.
malaysian curry: the humblest of all the curriesshrimp added to the basic vegetable curry, which is eaten with steamed rice
On a really cold day, this curry is the perfect choice to heat you up, and on a really hot day it’s spice will make you sweat enough to cool you down. I’d recommend it to anyone who wants a curry that is not Indian or Thai, but without the heaviness of Japanese curry. Give it a shot!
A Father on Pappa Leave 