Anytime you go to a different country and take the metro, you see the stops in the local languages. If you have ever wondered what the translations are for the Hong Kong Metro and the Stockholm T-Bana, here you go! Of course they are not exactly right due to the quirky nature of how the languages work, but it is meant to be a little bit of fun for everyone 🙂
If you find yourself in Falun, Sweden, there is one place you will want to go to buy your bread.  Yes, I know, these days we are all trying to avoid carbs and resist bread, while we meanwhile gorge ourselves with things that crush our arteries (I’m talking to you, sausages!) because “low carb, high fat” is where it’s at right now.  Regardless of your opinion on bread, I found the place for you to try.  If you are watching the carbs, just take a 1 day break from it – if you are going to “break the rules”, this is the way to do it.
It’s called Skördebröd Stenugnsbageri (losely translated as “Harvest Bread Stone Oven Bakery).  It is only open 2 days a week (Friday and Saturday), and from the looks of things, it is in a little “stuga” (cottage) that is on the property of the owner’s house.  It is located in an older and really cute part of Falun, so you could easily take a nice walk there from central and stop and have a little picnic along the river.
From what I understand, baking is the owner’s hobby, and he decided to open 2 days a week (Friday and Saturday) to sell the breads he makes.  If this is his hobby, I am impressed.  We bought a focaccia and 2 baguettes, and the flavor was incredible – good balance amongst all the ingredients, and just the right amount of crunch and softness in the baguettes.  The focaccia was also well balanced and as good as any focaccia I have had in Italy.  I wish my hobby of learning to play harmonica was this enjoyable for other people 😉
Something I have been wrestling with since I started this blog is the topic of whether or not to put photos of the little guy on the blog. This question goes hand-and-hand with that of whether we should use names (instead of “my wife” and “little guy”).  Basically the idea of our privacy is the topic.
On the one hand, some of my favorite blogs about parenting have involved photos, and I think everyone appreciates blogs that have photos instead of only text – and who doesn’t like a cute baby photo?!  On the other hand, there is a growing movement of people who believe we are supposed to be careful about what we do with photos of our children, for a variety of reasons.  Basically children do not have a say in if his image will be posted online – after all, children have rights too, right?  And, who knows where a photo could end up once I put it on the blog?
When I started the blog I decided to keep it simple: no photos of him, me, or my wife.  And if photos of any of us would enhance the blog or make it easier to understand a point being made, then it would be right to add them.  There have been many times that I have almost posted a photo of him, or him and me, and then I thought, “nope, send it to the family instead.”  My decision was made without judgement of those other blogs or websites who do post photos – as I mentioned above, some of my favorite blogs regularly post photos of the people involved.  We will see how it goes – after all, some of the funniest and most interesting things to talk about come about from something that I have captured on photo or video.  And as they say, a photo is worth 1 000 words. 🙂
One of the scariest things I heard repeatedly when my wife was expecting was “the hardest part is not getting any sleep”. Â I heard it over and over again from friends our age, one of whom got a far-away look in his eye when saying it, as if he longed for a solid 8-hours of sleep, which he hadn’t had in years. Â Another friend put it to me like this: “it’s like torture, man. Â You know what they do to you when they torture you? Â They screw up your sleep schedule, don’t let you get deep sleep. Â That is exactly what the baby does to you.” Â With this kind of insight, it is no surprise that I was less and less excited about having a child after every friend I talked to.
When the little guy woke up a lot in the first few weeks, it was because he needed food. Â And as you know, we are breastfeeding, and since I do not have a breast and I was working, it became clear after a few weeks that there would be no need to get up with my wife, as long as I set her up for success with everything she would need before going to bed.
Over time, it leveled out and the little guy got on a cycle of sleeping from about 8 at night to 6 in the morning, waking up 2-3 times to feed (often we would dream feed).  This meant that I had learned to sleep through the night when I heard noises from the little guy.  It does not mean that I slept well, it just means I did not wake up fully with every little squeak. When we moved to Hong Kong, I said, “ok, now I am here to take care of the little guy, so wake me up when he makes noises, so I can train myself to hear them, and I will get up so you do not have to.”  That did not really work, because my wife still needs to release the pressure in her breasts from the breastmilk, so the cycle continued with her waking up to feed him even though she had to go to work.  It is brutal to have this happen from my perspective, because I want to wake up to feed him, but I do not have breasts, and my wife is dedicated to breastfeeding (and needs to breastfeed him at night to keep her milk production up).
Now with the little guy at 5,5 months, we are in a place where he should be getting closer and closer to sleeping thru the whole night without needing feeding, as long as we make sure we get him enough food thru the day, and towards the end of the day especially (a modified version of the EASY Method).
The thing is, now, when he wakes up, he does not need food – my wife told me today that now he is not eating when he wakes up in the night.  So basically, he is not really waking up fully, but he needs the comfort of just to have the pacifier put back in his mouth – most of the time if he wakes up it is after squirming around for a while, usually a result of some kind of stomach discomfort that I think can be avoided by making sure we burp him enough and making sure he has the right foods going into his body.
My wife is continually surprised that I do not wake up from his noises in the night. Â She is sure it will happen when she is not here to wake up from them, which I am not 100% convinced will be the case. Â My opinion is that we do not need to work on how we wake up to hear the little guy, but instead figure out how to make sure he is sleeping thru the night, and by doing what we can to set him up for success. Â In other words, let’s not only take the rock out of the shoe, let’s find out where it is coming into the shoe, too. Â If he is physically comfortable, especially with the awareness of his sensitive stomach, and if he is emotionally comfortable too, and has what he needs with him in bed to feel secure (things that smell like me and my wife, especially while we are traveling), I hope we can then all experience a solid, full night’s sleep.
I think it is easy to focus as parents on solving the problem first, and not focusing on the cause of that problem.  With this issue of sleep, if we are not careful it could turn into a viscous cycle where he cannot sleep without being held by his mom every night multiple times.  But if we deal with it now, and do things right by following the tips I found, I am optimistic we will be just fine 🙂
Top Tips that I have found consistently:
Great Resources:
When we arrived in Stockholm earlier in the week, we had a packed schedule for the week ahead. Lunches and dinners with friends, family, and colleagues, things to buy, and so on. One of the big ones was a check-up for the little guy with his nurse, as well as a developmental checkup with a doctor, and some vaccines.
He got a host of vaccines in 2 shots – one on each leg. It is horrible to hold the little baby that you love while they are screaming from the pain. He handled it like a champ and did not cry for long after it was over, since he is a visual guy it was interesting to him that there was a poster of a lion on the wall to look at 🙂
A few weeks ago, I watched a documentary about vaccinations for babies. Apparently there is a huge debate about the issue. On the one side of the debate is the people who say there is a connection to the high amount of vaccines given in a short amount of time to babies, and developmental regression (slowdown or backward development) – and there is even a claim that the vaccines are tied to things like Autism. On the other side of the debate is the scientific and medical community who say that there is absolutely no “causal” connection. The scientific and medical community make a case that these claims about Autism are a coincidence that coincides with the timing of getting all the vaccines. In other words, the age where you can determine that a baby is Autistic is the same as when you give the vaccines, and that does not mean they are connected. The people against all the vaccines also claim it is outdated to give vaccines for things that we do not have to deal with anymore in the USA in particular – like Measles and Polio. The other side (medical community) states that the world is not insulated, and you need the vaccines now more than ever because of how mobile everyone is globally.
I found this documentary fascinating (it was done by PBS, the American television Public Broadcasting Service). I had no idea there was a debate about it, because I naively thought you had to just give your child vaccines, and that was what you do to protect your child from diseases. This is not the case, you do have a choice. But now they are finding that because of people’s resistance to giving their children vaccines, there has now been a resurgence and even some outbreaks of things like Measles and Polio, which were considered “eradicated” from the US and most of Europe years ago.
I guess my thoughts on it are simple, and in line with every parent, no-matter what side of the debate you are on: I do not want my child to contract a disease that we could have prevented if we had just given him some vaccines. I also do not want him to have an adverse effect from the vaccines. So, if we are giving the little guy vaccines (which we are) we must have a lot of faith and trust in the safety of the vaccines the government (in our case, in Sweden) says are mandatory for his health and public health. I am more concerned about the timing of it all – many vaccines stacked back to back on top of one another sounds like it would be hard for anyone to handle, let alone a little baby, and I could see how this could be potentially damaging. For example for the little guy who had his 2 shots yesterday that vaccinated him against a lot of things, he has been very tired. Mix that with jetlag, and you get a very sleepy baby. If that was 6 or 7 shots, I cannot imagine the toll it would take on him.
It is definitely scary to think about anything that would hurt or delay the little guy’s development, or the other side, him getting a disease. So I guess we just take that leap of faith and walk forward, otherwise we will be afraid of everything. And that does not seem like a very good way to raise our child, or to live a happy and healthy life as a family. Life is too short to be afraid of every potential thing that could go wrong, right? There is a lot that is going right, and that could go right, to focus on, too 🙂
I have been getting a little “deeper” in my posts the last few weeks, and I think it is a byproduct of the journey I am on emotionally and mentally that comes along with not having my work to occupy my mind – and therefore more times than I would have in the past, it turns self-reflective. I see it as a solid way to make sure this time when I am on parental leave contributes to a positive transformation into a more balanced individual – especially when I go back to work one day in the future and have a family that I do not want to neglect. It is a healthy, good emotional journey, but that does not mean it is easy.
One things this journey does is bring me to terms with my past. I do not have a horrible past – we all have our baggage that we have to deal with which has shaped us one way or another, but I will not get into that type of “past” in this post. It is those things that turn into your “past” all of the sudden, without you even noticing it, just in the course of life. Life may be like a book with many chapters, but that does not mean those chapters have a clear end and start. So I have realized there are still things to let go of in order to walk forward clearly and so that I am giving myself room to grow as a father and husband. I think everyone has this, not just me – but maybe some people just never do a little “clean up”. And how did I get to this point? By donating some clothes.
Long ago (now 10 years ago, already), I had a clothing line. It was a custom menswear line, and I used my years of experience from the fashion industry to bring it into reality, at the urging of a celebrity friend of mine who helped me launch the line in coordination with the launch of his huge movie that summer. It was great to use my experience and education in this way, as my Bachelor’s degree comes in Apparel Design and Production, and my Master’s is in Textiles focusing on Masculinities and Social Psychology of Clothing.
Actually it was my clothing line that brought me to my Master’s degree. I had noticed that guys were asking me to make suits that “make my shoulders look more XX” or “make my hips look smaller.” To me this was special and interesting, because I had been working with women’s clothing and had been hearing those things for years from women, but did not expect it from men. So, I asked a former professor where to look for more insights on this and she put me in touch with a woman in California who had been studying that exact phenomenon – through a grant paid by the US Government.
So, off I was to California to study this topic, and be paid for researching this topic while I also had my education paid for – all while maintaining the clothing line. I will not get into details, but it was a fascinating time of my life, and I was able to do groundbreaking research and publish loads of information because nobody had ever studied it before. It also brought me all over the US and the world presenting the research. I love the apparel / retail industry and did not want to get stuck in the academic bubble, so I went back into the industry afterwards. I use that research every day when I work, and it is relevant regardless of gender or topic within consumer behavior – because to study men, you must study women (there was no consumer behavior research about men and clothing back then), so basically I have a strong understanding of consumer behavior that is transferable into real life.
Anyway, I had the clothing line that stopped when the big recession hit (nobody buys custom suits during a recession, even if they can afford it). So, for a while I had clothing of my own with my own label. And that means that I also have clothes of my own with my own label that are about 10 years old now. With the exception of 1 timeless suit, and a few shirts, I have not worn most of the items since then. It is time to let them go. Let them go to the 2nd hand clothing store, so someone who needs them will have them – maybe for a job interview, a wedding they are attending, or so on.
Longer ago (15 years) I was a fashion model – not the good looking Abercrombie and Fitch type of model, but the “editorial” type. The kind that people see in the magazines and say, “hmmm, that guy is weird looking.” Anyway, it was a cool experience for a few years, and it took me all over the world – mainly New York, Italy, Spain, and Greece. I really enjoyed that time of my life, but as you may not know, the pay is not good for guys in the modeling industry (one of the few industries where men make less money than women). I remember I did a 2-day job for Italian Elle magazine, and it paid 150 euro a day (back then the euro was equal to the dollar). Then, the agency in Italy takes 50%. The women in the shoot made about 10x as much and one was flown in from NYC. As a guy with an editorial look, the work is like this most of the time, and then eventually you will get a big job (campaign) that pays well. I was fortunate to do a campaign and to get some commercials to pay for things and keep me alive while I was doing it, but eventually I ended up in the same cities, doing the same things, and I was modeling to travel, so I said, “time to go back to school and move forward with life.”
Before I started modeling, I worked for a company whose owner told me, “go do it! You will have a job here waiting for you when you come back.” So I went back to work for her, and she also paid my tuition at school as part of our compensation agreement. I was super fortunate to have this – although I was working a minimum of 40 hours a week while going to school full-time, too. This is where my work-ethic stays. I cannot remember the last time I worked a 40 hour work-week. Maybe in the 90’s sometime when I was in high school and had a summer job.
When I was coming back to work for her after returning from Europe modeling, I had no money, but it was a place where you must wear nice clothing. And because of this, I had to go buy my clothes at the 2nd hand store. I was lucky to find pants and shirts to wear, and wore these at work for the first few months until my finances were sorted.
In letting go of these clothes, that are from my brand, with my name in the label, I am letting go of much more than garments. I am letting go of the past, and living more in the present and future. It’s not about forgetting the past – there is no reason to forget it. But it is about letting it go and not trying to inject it into the present. I guess my point is that there seems to be something good about learning from the past, letting it be wonderful, but not living in the past. If you do that, you try to live with the dreams of that past, instead of having flexible dreams and a present mindset. The “me” who was a model was not thinking about the “me” who is a husband and father.
So, the memories live, and the good ones stay strong, while the not-so-good ones lose power over time. The times that were hard are remembered only in a way to remind me of what I have overcome, and instead of being hardened by life, I can stay soft, like a rubber band – flexible and pliable to the needs of the present, so I can also look forward to a beautiful and positive future. Maybe this would not be so important to me if I did not have a wife and a child, but to me, being untethered by the past sounds like a good thing 🙂
One thing we are doing in our travels between Sweden and Hong Kong is bringing back-and-forth baby clothes. For example, the things the little guy has grown out of are coming back to go into storage for a potential future “# 2”, and the things that were gifted to us or we purchased that were too big to bring with are now waiting to go back to Hong Kong.
Managing these two “inventories” is complicated but necessary. We have to remember what we have in the other country so we do not waste money buying a duplicate of something, and when we came back we brought some things that were perfect for him right now, but would be too small in 2 weeks and the future months before our next trip back. It is basically a constant juggle of what is here and there.
So, this morning I went to the storage for our apartment in Stockholm and brought up the “things for the next trip to Hong Kong” bag that we had set aside. It is the size of 2 Ikea blue bags, so it is not a tiny bag, and it has everything from clothes to books and stuffed animals. Fortunately all three of us have things that we brought back from Hong Kong that we do not need here (for me it was the many pairs of jeans I for some reason thought I would need in a country where you wear shorts 8 months of the year), so we will have plenty of room in the suitcases for these things (I hope!).
Now the little guy will have all of the latest things he will need for the coming months, and the next time we are back in Sweden, we will bring the other things he grows out of home, and the cycle will continue. We had so many clothes that I am a little nervous if we do have a second child – they (boy or girl) will likely be only wearing these hand-me-downs from the little guy. On the one hand, many items were worn only a few times and are just like new anyway, but on the other hand, as a 2nd child myself, I can appreciate that it is nice for a future child to not always wear those garments the older sibling had.
It is funny to think about these things now, and the simple question of “what do we do with the baby clothes the little guy grows out of?” forces any parents (I would assume) to talk about the topic of a future second child. It has also come up as we discuss the stroller, our future plans for housing when we come back, and so on. It is really healthy to talk about these things with my wife, as it is a different way of talking about “what are your dreams?” – we learn more about each other, and even start to change our opinions and compromise well in advance, knowing what one another wants and needs. For me, it is important that we are all 3 having our needs met and all feel loved (probably the most important thing) – if we can do this, then we can bring another child into the family.
No wonder they say “time flies”, it seems like just yesterday we were getting married, and now we are talking about the future for our family and how we will plan for it in the best way that we can. Next thing I know we will be talking about the little guy’s wedding and where to move when we retire 😉
We finally arrived in Stockholm after 25 hours traveling from Hong Kong. This was due to a 2,5 hour delay on the tarmac in Hong Kong, which the little guy slept thru, but we did not.  Overall he was a real “trooper” today and was generally charming and delightful, despite being clearly tired. If only me and my wife were also this way (it must skip a generation 😉 )
We arrived this afternoon when it was an absolutely gorgeous day. Spring is here in Sweden, and the sun was out, the weather was perfect (cold but not bitter cold), and the town was alive with people. So, we got all of our things sorted with our accommodation, and then went out for a nice walk along the water and simply enjoyed being home.
It is a funny thing being back home. On the one hand there is a sense of familiarity about it – after all, it is the place you missed while you were gone, but you knew would be there waiting for you. It’s like that pair of shoes that you always wear and you keep in your closet even when you buy new ones – and after the charm of having that new pair wears off quickly, you go right back into that other pair of shoes that you know so well. That is the feeling of being home. There might be newness in other places, but there is also something good in the “old” familiarity of the place you left behind.
There is discussion about if we need to get a bigger place than our 2 room 42 square meter (420 square feet) flat, upon our return. Of course we need to get a bigger place, the little guy will be bigger and we will also be used to the bigger space in our Hong Kong apartment. So then the discussion goes to where we will live. I am in love with our neighborhood in Stockholm, and it would be hard to leave it behind. But, there is something appealing about getting a little bigger place, maybe with a yard, out in the suburbs. Those are words I never thought I would say type. But, when you have a family, you say and do things that you never thought you would, and your priorities shift. I can say that already, in 5 months of being a dad, I have experienced a fundamental shift in priorities, and it is not a bad thing that came uncomfortably, but one that came naturally with the flow of life.
When it’s all said and done, the expression “home is where the heart is” is definitely true – I have moved too many times for this expression not to be tattooed on my heart. But that does not mean that all the homes you have had do not hold on to a little (or big) piece of your heart. It seems like the phases in life that we go through (good and bad) get attached to the memories from that place, and we see a flash of all of those old times when we think of or go to that old place. So, being home, in that “old place” is special because it forces us to intertwine that old and new, to mix them together. New memories mix with old, and that’s probably what keeps the old home “alive.” So, as we dance with the idea of moving from our neighborhood eventually because of our new family needs, we just have to keep appreciating what we like about where we are while we are there. After all, it’s nice to be home.
Tonight we head back to Sweden for a little while. It’s nice to be going back, where we can see the family of my wife and some friends as well. There have been a lot of transitions and new things the last 6 weeks, so this is a nice return to familiarity.
This flight is with Swiss Air via Zurich to Stockholm. It’s a relatively short flight at 13 hours, so we are hoping it will go as smoothly as the last flight. Being a night flight, we are super hopeful that the little guy will just call asleep right away and enjoy the ride. So far, checkin and the people working for Swiss Air in Hong Kong have been a bit nicer than Lufthansa, but we are a bit annoyed that there was an additional charge for us to have our seats together (why wouldn’t we?!). I look forward to seeing how they are to fly with – this being our 4th airline with the little guy (Norwegian, SAS, Lufthansa, and now Swiss).
Aside from seeing family and friends, the things we are looking most forward to being back in Sweden:
It is also exciting that the little guy is in a really “fun” phase right now, and family and friends will get to see that. For example before we left tonight, the he was having laugh attacks while we played a version of “peek-a-boo” with him. Overall there is a lot to look forward to on this trip!
The little guy is already over 5 months, and that means we are starting to bring solid foods in more regularly with him. What a trip!
As with everything when you have a baby, first you need to get the gear – which means buying bibs and spoons. For bibs, there are a billion choices, and we opted for the kind that is easy to clean (just rinse under the water), and that has a pocket in the front (easy for cleanup and as a drip catcher). I found a great place at the Wan Chai market that I can get them for 15 HKD (2 USD, 18 SEK). For spoons, there are also a plethora of options – big, small, long, short, and so on. We already have these wonderful plastic spoons from Sweden that are unlike anything I have seen in the USA, but what I noticed when feeding the little guy is he still does not have control of his “chomp” – in other words he really bites down hard. So, when we were at this fantastic store in Mong Kok where everything is 12 HKD (1,75 USD, 15 SEK), and we found these baby spoons made of silicone, I jumped on it and bought a few.
Now that we have the gear, it’s time to buy the food. We brought with us porridge from Sweden, so we have been giving him this for the last 6 weeks on-and-off. The problem is that he has been having a hard time with digesting the porridge (constipated amongst other things – which is no surprise, it is loaded with cow milk and other ingredients his little stomach probably does not know what to do with). Add to the equation that we also bottle feed formula when breast milk is not enough, and you have a situation where the little guy has a hard time pooping. So, he needs a little fiber, right?
When you buy baby food, there are so many choices, it is enough to make your head spin. Carrots, Sweet Potato, Peas, Mixed Vegetable, and on and on. And if you are in Hong Kong, you can also get pasta with red sauce, “cookie crumble”, and other things that I question the necessity to give to a child between 4-6 months. We opted for the organic carrots and organic sweet potatoes, and also went for the organic peas.
We realized that the best thing about having a bottle warmer like we have is that it makes it really easy to heat up the jar of food, and it does it quickly without over-heating the jar. We noticed that he expects his bottles to be warm, and once we noticed that this is the same for solid food, we could see what he thought of it, and know if he liked or disliked something based purely on the flavor, not the temperature.
So, did he like solid foods?
Definitely! The little guy is pumped to sit there with the bib on, and whines a little if I take too long to give him a spoonful. He is a fan of the carrots and sweet potatoes, and they also give him the fiber he needs with the porridge and formula, so that’s awesome. What about the peas? Nope, he hates ’em! I’ve tried to give them to him when he is happily eating carrots, and he instantly goes from smiling to “what is this?!” Yesterday, he actually just shut his mouth and that was the end of the feeding session. No crying, no fighting it. Just shut the mouth. (smart kid, right? 😉 )
Now we are working out how we will balance doing more and more solid food, and how to balance that with formula, porridge, and breast milk.   The plan for the moment is to stay as long as we can primarily on breast milk, and supplement with formula during the day. Then, in the evening, we will get into the porridge and baby food, to help him have the fullness to sustain him through the night. This method worked last week, but this week has not been so successful, as he has been uncomfortable in the evenings. We will find the right balance – one step at a time, right?
A Father on Pappa Leave 