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Author: Pappa on Leave
Day 48: Living with the Air Quality Index in Hong Kong
If there’s one thing about Hong Kong that I have noticed, it’s that you have full license here to become as neurotic as you want. In fact, I think that most things that exist here that are used as tools to help enhance your life were born out of someone else’s neuroses, and then somehow it was transferred to others in some kind of bizarre version of a “snowball effect”. One example of this is the use of the Air Quality Index in Hong Kong.
We all know that air quality in cities is not good. I have read studies that say that Hong Kong has one of the worst air quality levels of all the cities in the world, and to be honest, it is/was one of my top concerns in bringing the little guy here, and it was one of the major reasons we moved to Discovery Bay from Tai Kok Tsui. We wanted to be able to breathe the air and actually smell nature (or at the very least not smell exhaust fumes). We wanted to not have to worry about the little guy developing asthma as a result of his little lungs breathing in all the horrid content of the air in the city. Just one look out our window (which has a pretty amazing view of Hong Kong) shows the kind of smog cloud the city is enshrouded in.
Is it neurotic to care about the air quality? Absolutely not. But there’s another layer to it in Hong Kong. There is an “air quality index” (AQI, as it is called) that you can look up, and if the score is too high, then if you are a good and caring parent, you are not supposed to bring your child outside. One day this week, my wife told me that there was talk on one of her social media groups about the air quality index: the score was too high – and therefore everyone was staying in with their children. I asked, “isn’t that the score for the city?” she said, “no, they do the scores for different parts of Hong Kong, including Discovery Bay, too, and the score was not good for Discovery Bay.” This was the same day that I was out on a little hike in the hills with the little guy, notably enjoying breathing in that fresh Discovery Bay air, so I was moderately confused.
So, if you want to understand the predicament I am in, I will lay it out for you: as if it is not complicated enough to go out with a child, especially when you cannot use sunblock (so you must rely on shade) – and don’t forget all the gear you need (diapers, bottles, and so on), now I have a new thing to worry about: if the air quality has too many parts per billion of something. Sweet, isn’t it?
What exactly are they looking at with the Air Quality Index?
- FPM (Fine Particulate Matter)
- RPM (Respirable Particulate Matter)
- Ozone
- Nitrogen Dioxide
- Sulfur Dioxide
- Carbon Monoxide
- Temperature
- Dew
- Pressure
- Humidity
- Wind
Then, they put all these numbers together and come up with a score, and that’s what the day’s Air Quality Index is. That score is given a color:
It might sound like I am a little skeptical about the whole concept of the AQI – trust me, I am not, it is good to know what the air quality is, especially for those people who have respiratory problems. Where I get frustrated is the topic of how we should raise a child in an environment that encourages an active lifestyle if we are hiding inside at times. And I should also point out that it is hard to know what in Hong Kong seriously when people in Hong Kong also think that drinking cold water is bad for you (even bottled cold water), and do not think that babies in general should leave the house much before the age of one year.
So what do I do then? I will use something that I think a lot of people throw out the window too easily: common sense. That’s right, I will use common sense. If I look outside and it looks hazy in my neighborhood, I will still go outside with the little guy, but I will take stock of the situation when I am there, and if the air is weird we will either go back inside or we will not stay out for very long. Please understand Discovery Bay has a vague feel of Antibes, France in some parts, and Central California in others, so it is not like being in the middle of Hong Kong. Between the “peak hours” for heat, of course I will not plan to be out with the little guy, but generally, I will go out with him and not stay out with him for long this summer. If it is sunny, I will block the sun. If it is rainy, I will block the rain. You get the idea, right?
I guess my point is that we cannot live in a bubble (in this case, literally), and raise our child in a bubble, if we expect him to be connected to the world around him and to learn about being active and experiencing the world. These are concerns that many people in other parts of the world do not even have to think about (especially in Sweden where they have a mild climate and the purest air I have ever breathed), but here in Hong Kong, you do have to think about the air quality – the matter to consider is how much you think about it, how much you obsess about it, and how much you let the AQI run how you live your life. The same could apply to any resource, right?
Day 47: Phases
One of the best bits of advice we received before we had the little guy was, “remember, everything with a baby is a phase”. This could apply to the things you like (such as his attempts to “hug and kiss” us right now), and the things you do not like (such as his cowlick-y behavior the first few months). The person who gave us this advice had gone through 4 months of challenges with her first child just before our little guy was born, and she basically explained that even if it feels like an eternity (for the not-so-fun stuff), it will usually not last more than 2 weeks.
So, this was my mantra at 2 in the morning when the little guy was crying, when he was grunting his way through the nights, or when he would not go to sleep without his mom. It has been my mantra during all the hard times with him, when he is doing things that we cannot figure out, or when there is a bit of fussiness that is not normal for him. For example right now, he is super hesitant (and cries) when he is around strangers for too long (I think it is a side effect of no longer traveling around the city with the familiarity of my parents). He is also a little fussier and more opinionated about his needs. On the one hand it is part of him getting older, and on the other hand it is definitely a phase to see him crying when people interact with him like they always have in Hong Kong. I guess we also need to remember that part of the “passing” of those phases is that we as parents are learning more about him and his needs every day – so the phase might not “pass”, but instead we just incorporate how to deal with it into how we live our lives and it is no longer all-encompassing.
One thing that is hard about the transient nature of the phases of babies is the hard part of seeing those “good phases” go. For example, there used to be a spot on the little ribs that if I touched, he would squeal with joy forever – not so much any more. He used to like the bouncer chair – also not really a fan. He likes laying in his baby gym (and since he cannot crawl yet this allows me to do things around the house with a little freedom while keeping an eye on him), but I know this too will pass. The hugs I mentioned above are something so special I can’t even describe it – I do not want them to go. The kisses (more like chewing on my face, but you know what I mean) are also fantastic, even if they leave me full of baby saliva.
So it is bittersweet to know that everything is a phase. But I guess that’s life too, right? As the song goes, “to everything, there is a season”, right? So I guess it’s a bit of advice that can apply to the big picture too – everything’s a phase, so if you don’t enjoy something, don’t worry, it will not last forever. And, if you do enjoy some particular moment in your life, it is also a phase, so memorize it, photograph it, bury it deep inside of you so that you can never forget it. I think if you look for the “good phases”, you will start to see more and more. And if you collect those good phases in your memory, your life will be a pyramid built on the good phases in life, and by the end of your life, it will be filled with a life richer than all the gold in Egypt’s pyramids together. Plus some baby saliva 😉
Day 46: Dumplings
My parents are on their way back home now, after a 2-week visit. It was so nice to have them visiting, and it warms my heart to remember how much joy they got from holding, playing with, and simply looking at the little guy. I will never forget their visit, it was really special.
One thing my parents really enjoyed while they were here was the dumplings. My wife and I brought them to a few relatively famous dumpling places around Hong Kong, and I also introduced them to one of my favorite Taiwanese dumpling places in Cheung Sha Wan called 八方雲集鍋貼水餃專門店. I have no idea what the name is using western characters, but I think it is a chain, and the food they have is amazing (they also have awesome drinks) – it is my favorite place to get food for those lunches in the park with my wife.
In all, we ate at three restaurants that have been in the Michelin Guide. I could talk about all three because they were all good for various reasons, but the one I wanted to mention is called Wang Fu. It’s on Hong Kong island on 65 Wellington Street, and it is one of those places I would have just walked right by, but we wanted dumplings and we were in the midlevels, and that’s what the internet brought us to. One reviewer said “might be the best dumplings you’ve ever had”, and that is a stretch, but still pretty good.
One of the things that make me qualify a dumpling as “not good” is if you can only taste “meaty” flavors – like you are eating a chunk of pork or fish wrapped in a dumpling casing. When that happens, you rely on the mixture of soy and vinegar to carry the dumpling because there is not much seasoning there to make it interesting. But the dumplings here had really nice flavor, and tasted like they were made by someone who takes pride in their dumplings, and knows what they are doing. I should also point out that this is one of those places where if you have a little guy with you that is 5 months old, you spend the whole time keeping his hands away from everything – the environment in the restaurant is not what we would consider up to “Swedish standard”. In other words, this place is local. Fortunately for the world, the food is awesome, and it is a fun experience. But if you can’t get past the interior, you can also get them takeaway 😉
Day 45: Love for a Child
There are times when I am holding the little guy that I feel overwhelmed with love for him. It’s an all-encompassing feeling that I get, that says that I just want to make sure he is OK, happy, and will have everything he needs in life. It is a feeling that says I don’t want him to ever be hurt, have disappointment, witness cruelty or experience hardship. It is a feeling of love, pure and simple – the feeling of being a father, I guess. My wife feels it as well on a regular basis, and expresses those feelings when they come. To me, it is similar, but it comes on suddenly, and makes me want to hug him and hold him tight, protect him, shield him from everything, let the tough stuff in life bounce off an impenetrable shield that I put over him.
Of course if I truly love him I will not try to shield him from those things, but I will instead teach him about them and how to live with them without letting those hard parts of life get him down. Teach him to rise above it, to be above it, to overcome all obstacles. Today the little guy crawled up (like an inchworm, he hasn’t learned that his arms can help him move more efficiently when he crawls) – he was eager to push and squirm his way across the sofa to the arm, while I safely guided him. He reached it and struggled upward until he could see over the edge. And there he sat on his knees, staring at the Hong Kong skyline in the distance. Who knows what he actually saw out there, but I swear there was a spark in his eye to go out there and show the world who he is one day. Of course, with the love of a child in my heart and in my eyes, I was cheering him on, “go get it, little guy, it’s all yours.” 😉
Day 44: Parenting: Different Opinions and Not Micro Managing Each Other
My wife and I have noticed that we both have a tendency to “micro-manage” each other when it comes to the little guy. For example, if I have learned that he is trying to tell us something, and I do not think she is addressing it, I might tell her “hey, he wants XYZ.” And if she thinks I should do something in one way but I am doing it in another way, she will say, “hey, are you going to ABC?” What really happens when either of us do this is we get annoyed with each other. She is probably thinking: “I’m the little guy’s mother, I know what he needs, I don’t need your advice.” And I think: “I’m spending A LOT of time with the little guy, I notice different things than you do, and I don’t need you to tell me what to do or how to do it.”
What we both need to remember is that we are both doing a good job reading the little guy’s needs, and we both have our own “style” for how to accommodate those needs. So, I do not need to do it “her way”, and she does not need to do it “my way”, as long as he is getting cared for. On the one hand, we can’t read each other’s minds, but on the other hand, we shouldn’t be trying to play “puppet master” if the other is caring for the little guy. There are things that we are each good at doing, so we should also start to utilize those strengths as a team. For example if one of us is good at feeding the little guy porridge, there is no reason they should not feed him most of the time, in my way that works with him. Of course he needs to be able to eat porridge from both of us, but sometimes you need to admit what each other are good at and be proud of it, and let that be how it is.
I have had a lot of problems with feeling micro-managed over the past few weeks, because, damnit, I have taken time away from my full time job to be a stay-at-home-dad during this time, and I have taken it seriously. I don’t need to be micro-managed in general, or told how to take care of my son (who I spend all of my days with) – especially given that I am a responsible and intelligent adult. The reality is, I have probably been a bit over-sensitive when it comes to feeling like I am being micro-managed, because if I really think about it, there have not been too many instances where it has happened. So, I need to relax and take it easy, and not be too sensitive. The truth is, I know that any opinions shared are done with good intentions from my wife. And hopefully she would feel the same – if I suggest something, it is not a statement on her abilities as a mother, but instead an opinion of the little guy’s father who knows him.
I guess a lot of the success that could lie ahead in our parenting together boils down to communication and what I would like to call “safe honesty” – sharing true opinions without fear that the other person will get hurt or that you will be judged for your opinions. Parenting in a way that respects both people’s opinions on matters of importance – and focusing on what is actually important and letting the other things fall as they need to (otherwise EVERYTHING is important). In other words, it should be safe to view things from your perspective, and the things you care about should be taken seriously – but not everything should be a top priority.
The key of course is that the communication is happening, and that the relationship is fostering good, meaningful, continual communication. The problem with this is simple: it is not easy – it is easier to look the other way, or for one person to “roll over” and let the other person bulldoze their way thru the parenting decisions – usually when that happens the “bulldozer” does not know it is happening, and the other person gets further and further away and less and less invested in the decisions and in what is happening in general. It seems to me that it would be key for each parent to be on the same page, but to still have the safety and freedom to do things in their own style without any concern that the other one would be bothered by that approach.
I guess the point of it all is that having a child is not easy, and being parents who are on the same page is definitely not easy. I can imagine that maintaining a strong relationship as parents who show respect to one another can be super difficult, especially if both parents actually care, want to be involved, and have opinions. If one of the parents is not showing respect to the other person, it can be toxic – the only way to prevent that, in my opinion, is for both people to take it easy on one another, and remember that there are different ways to reach the same endpoint – and chances are very good that the other person does not need you “on their back” to do something.
Above and beyond anything else, it would be difficult to be solid parents for any little one if there is not a continual sharing of love with one another in the way that the other person needs to have it expressed – it could be a simple “thank you” or “you are good at XYZ”, or many other options, depending on their Love Language. Like they say on the airplane – “put your own oxygen mask on before you put one on your baby.” It seems that the same concept applies here – take care of one another, and the baby will have all their needs covered, and beyond.
Day 43: Tiny Little Razor Blades (a.k.a. Baby Fingernails)
One thing we have been battling with since the little guy was born is the tiny little razor blades that are attached to the ends of his fingers. Seriously, his fingernails are lethal! They are super sharp, and now that his arms are flying around as he learns how to coordinate his movements and he reaches for everything, those little blades are dangerous. So, what are you supposed to do?
We have opted with the time-tested “file the nails down” method. Basically, there are a few times of day (like when he wakes up and he is a little groggy) that we can file away at the nails using miniature emery boards. When he was really newborn we would file them when he was eating, but now we rely on the times when he is “chill”. The only problem with filing them is you can really only get the nails straight across, and if you are not careful, you will leave the nail with a “corner” that is sharp enough to cut glass.
Other options are using baby nail clippers and baby nail scissors – which we are afraid to use given the little guy’s tendency to throw his arms around (imagine cutting too deep or missing the nail). At some point we will take that step to go to the nail clippers or scissors – but not yet (my wife and I are both afraid to take that step at the moment). After all, the little guy would not be too happy with the ends of his fingers all cut up, right?
There is always the “chew the baby’s nails” option. We do not use this option, but I can see how it would work for those people who chew their nails. From what I see from nail-chewers, they have an intense focus while nail chewing, and probably a high degree of accuracy in their nail chewing (I think if desired, most people who chew their nails could chew little designs in the edges of their nails). But for me, since I do not chew my nails, I cannot imagine I would do very good work chewing the little guy’s nails. Plus I would just feel weird gnawing on his fingers, especially when I am a wizard with the nail file. 😉
The fingernails are one thing, but the toenails are a whole separate topic altogether. We also do the nail filing on the toenails, but there are 3 challenges:
- for the tiny little toes, there are tiny tiny little toenails, and you don’t want to rip the nail off when filing, so you have to file “down” (away from the ankle/leg) – and the little guy does not want to sit too long for that activity.
- the toenails get super sharp and also break off easily (and therefore get even sharper), so if you don’t pay attention, you could end up with cuts all over the legs and feet from the toenails
- I should also add that yesterday we saw a nasty cut on the little guy’s nose, and after inspection of his hands we could not figure out which finger cut him. Then we saw his big toenail had a broken bit that was super sharp, and he had cut his nose when he was sucking on his toes.
- the big toe on our little guy is solid. I swear it is made of diamonds and steel, and when filing the nails of his big toes I am reminded of the following clip:
Some parents use those tiny little mittens with their babies to protect their faces from getting cut up by their fingernails. We did not do this when our little guy was just born, and I sometimes wish we would have – especially some mornings when I see him first thing and it looks like he was sleeping in a crib lined with cactus. Basically, when he wakes up, he rubs his eyes and his face, and if the nails are too long (which happens all of the sudden), or if they have any edges at all, they scratch him (it looks bad at first but disappears after an hour). But, now if we tried to use those little mittens he would probably not be too accepting of it. So, we try our best, we just keep on filing, and try to stay ahead of them getting sharp – it’s amazing all these little things you have to pay attention to.
Day 42: Thrush and the Baby
As it turns out, the little guy has Thrush. Thrush is a yeast infection, and apparently this is another one of those super common things that babies get that I had never heard about before having a baby – and it impacts both the mother and the baby.
How does a baby get Thrush?
From the information I could find, it turns out that what typically happens is the baby gets the yeast infection and then passes it along to the mother when breastfeeding (not the other way around). Alternatively, if the mother develops a yeast infection on her nipples that is triggered by antibiotics (they kill the good bacteria that control the yeast), then the baby can get it from the mother, too. It is apparently not due to hygiene (like if you think it comes from unclean pacifiers).
Symptoms / Identification of Thrush
For the mother, symptoms include:
- Painful nipples (burning or shooting pain sensation, especially when feeding)
- Pink or red, sore nipples
- Nipples can crack and bleed
- Sometimes skin can be flaky
For the baby, symptoms include:
- White on the sides of the mouth (primarily)
- White on the lips
- White on the tongue is apparently just milk residue, so relax if you only see white there, it is normal (and it is not Thrush)
- Fussing while eating (meaning the mouth is sore from Thrush)
- Red, clear defined rash that has “ridges” in the butt crack (I don’t know the scientific name for the butt crack, so we’ll leave it at that) – key note is that Thrush is NOT white in the butt like it is with the mouth.
- if the baby has this, it means the yeast infection is passing through the intestinal tract
Treatment
Since it is a yeast infection, there is a real risk that the baby and mother will pass it back-and-forth to one another. So, you’ve basically gotta treat both of them at the same time. Many resources online say it will clear up on it’s own if it is only in the baby who has it for a few weeks, but if you are past that point, here’s what you do:
Treating the Baby
- Wash and sterilize everything the baby has put into his mouth (yes, at this age, that means basically everything he has)
- Wash the baby’s hands a lot using soapy water
- Dip the pacifier in mineral water occasionally (I think the key ingredient in there is Sodium Bicarbonate – NaHCO3, so make sure the water has it in it)
- you can also wipe the water around the mouth with a cotton swab
- There are some anti fungal medicines that you can get from a doctor – they would prescribe them to you and advise on what is best. The most common is Nystatin, and you can give it orally to the baby, or put some on your nipples to treat both you and the baby.
- If it has migrated to the diaper area, there are a lot of things you can do, but the main message is be as clean as possible and make sure the baby butt has time to dry (like have some diaper free times during the day)
Treating the Mom
- Wash all bras
- Air out your nipples (seriously, give them some solid “free time”)
- Make sure your breast pads are not keeping the moisture in – chances are that they are, so it is a good idea to stop using them for a while
- Do whatever you can to keep your nipples dry after feeding
- If it does not clear up using natural remedies, go to the doctor, and they will get you the right medicine. As I mentioned above, the most common is Nystatin, which comes in an oral (for the baby) and a cream (that you would put on your nipples)
There are a billion places to look for info about Thrush, but there are 3 Resources that I like more than others:
And there is also an interesting WikiHow article about getting rid of Thrush.
The little guy has had Thrush for maybe 1 week now (a few days before we knew what it was, and now for a few more days after we started dealing with it), and he is looking much better. There was 1 day that he was not quite himself – a little tired, did not want to eat, etc. – but it could have been the sickness that me and my wife had. Nonetheless, it seems to go away for the baby relatively easily with the right routines, but maybe for the mothers it is a bit more of a process. I was surprised to hear Thrush is so common, but I guess there is no reason I would know about babies getting yeast infections when I did not have a baby, right? And it’s awesome that there are a lot of resources out there to help in identifying and treating these things. I guess that’s how it is in the “information age” – we google, go online, read what others write, instead of calling our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, and so on. I wonder how it will be when our little guy has kids of his own – where will he turn to for information like this?
Day 41: Hong Kong Disneyland
Today we went to Hong Kong Disneyland! YES! 🙂
My wife did not want to go, as she had heard that it is not worth going to, especially compared to Ocean Park, which more people recommend because it is bigger and has more rides. But if you like Disneyland parks, which are special, unique, and altogether wonderful (in my opinion), then you cannot skip Disneyland when you are in Hong Kong.
To get there it is really easy no-matter where you are in Hong Kong. You take the Tung Chung metro line (yellow line) towards Tung Chung, and get off at Sunny Bay. Then you just take the Disney Line to the park (1 stop). If you are in Discovery Bay like we are, you just take the DB302 bus from Discovery Bay to Sunny Bay and then the metro 1 stop – so it is super easy, and takes 25 minutes total to get to the park.
Since it is so easy to get there, and I am here at home with the little guy, I bought a year pass. It is 495 HKD to get in for 1 day, and it is only 988 HKD for a year pass, so basically if I go twice in a year, it is a good deal. The way I see it, if I feel like going to a different place for a walk with the little guy, we can go there, right? I’m pumped!
So, was Hong Kong Disneyland any good? Surely if my wife was told it sucks, it must suck, right? Nope! It was great! It is a little smaller than Disney World (Florida), and Disneyland (Los Angeles), but it is still good nonetheless. If you are comparing it to other Disney parks, then you will see a lot of similarities, just on a smaller scale (but not too small, in my opinion). It is well-planned, has great “worlds” that were well thought-out and well-designed, and overall it is just right for a day. Maybe if you have kids who need big roller coasters (teenagers, for example) you would want to go elsewhere, but if you want a theme park, and like the Disney movies, then you are in the right place at Hong Kong Disneyland. The shows were great, the grounds were beautiful, and it is a nice getaway from the city. It’s nice to “escape” occasionally – why not do it at Disneyland?
Day 40: Big Buddha
Today we took a trip up to the Big Buddha (Tian Tan) and Po Lin Monastery. It was a cloudy and cool day so we thought it be the perfect opportunity for a visit.
There are a few ways to get there:
- Bus 23 from Tung Chung (takes 45 min and the busses are a good standard – for only 17.20 hkd each way)
- Cable Car from Tung Chung (much more expensive – around 200 hkd, but more scenic)
We took the bus and enjoyed the foggy view of the rolling hills – very cool:
When we were there I was shocked at how much has changed from my last time there, 10 years ago. Now there is a huge commercial area, restaurants, souvenir shops, and so on. Back then it was a lot less of a big deal, but it is good now for other reasons.
The fog was quite high, so we were unable to actually see the Buddha or the surroundings, but to me that added to the specialness of the visit.
A Father on Pappa Leave 