Day 358: He’s Not a Robot

Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

As you know, we try hard to follow routines with he little guy.  He wakes up and has the same “rhythm” thru the day.  The rhythm we follow for him follows a loose beat, mainly around the following: wake up – eat – activity – snack – activity – sleep – lunch – activity – snack – activity – snack – activity – dinner – activity – snack – bottle – bed.  What we do, what he eats, and where these things happen are all variable.

Sometimes, he reminds me that he is a human.  He reminds me when he sleeps longer or shorter than he should, or when he doesn’t eat as much at a meal as he should.  Or when he gets physically tired from playing after only 30 minutes instead of 1 hour.

He’s human, after all, and no-matter how much I try to keep things moving as if he is a robot, as if  he does not have good days, bad days, times when he is not hungry, times when he is just a little tired, it only makes things harder.  I guess a lot of it is to give him a sense of security (routines are tied to a happier kid because on a primal level, they need to know when their next meal is coming), but it is also for my security, too.  I need him to be well-fed to be satisfied, I need to see him playing to be satisfied, and I need him to sleep well at night to get the rest he needs, and also so I can get what I need to be my best for him.

I think it’s a good message for every “new parent” – these little bundles of joy that come into our lives are human, after all.  It’s good to know it and remember it, because the little ones will remind you in their own way anyway 😉

Day 357: “Educational” TV for Toddlers? Ha!

Pappa on Leave2 Comments

The last few weeks I have been feeling guilty and like maybe I am not giving the little guy everything he needs.  We play a lot, read a lot, and I am always bringing him with me everywhere (obviously) and while doing so, we are talking and I am explaining everything.  We play music (not kid music, but things like Abba and Elvis), and he dances as we rock out to it together.  We have other kid friends that he is around, and I bring him to play groups and other situations where he can get the social element he needs.  I feed him balanced meals and make sure he gets what he needs when he needs it.   Overall he seems pretty happy and that his development is going well – so why do I feel like he isn’t getting everything he needs?

It’s all about music, kids songs, and kids programs (on youtube, tv, etc.).  Long ago, my wife and I made a decision that we would not use screens with the little guy for a while, so things like ipads, tvs, and even seeing our phones are not really part of his list of things that entertain him.  We made this decision because we want to be present, want him to see the world around him, and to be honest, this technology is just like a drug to people in general – and that is fine (no judgement to all of us), but it’s just a little early to get him hooked on it when he can be learning from the world around him.

In addition, I have always questioned the need to play “kids songs” (itsy bitsy spider, row row row your boat, and so on) or programs that are called “educational” for toddlers, which really just mean the abc’s, colors, shapes, numbers, or nursery rhymes.  There are actions that go with some of the songs, so I can understand the argument that it helps teach bodily awareness, and connecting words with things, and so on.  So for this argument to make sense you would have to physically do the actions with the child, for example by playing it from a speaker while you and them do the actions.  Alternatively, attend a playgroup or Kindermusik-like program where music is at the core, and you will get this.

But where I have an issue is when this stuff is played on a phone, ipad, or tv for the little one, as they sit there, glued to it, tuning out the world.  How is that “teaching” them anything?

This week, I got together with a good friend of mine and her son, and as we were catching up from us being away since December, she asked if the little guy is watching any educational youtube channels.  I said no, and that I didn’t think it mattered if he listened to kids songs.  She said she understood my point, but there’s the familiarity with the songs and the characters that eventually will help them learn things like colors, shapes, the alphabet.  I saw her logic, and she shared a channel she liked and her son likes.

So, I talked to my wife and we checked out the channel and thought we would give it a try for a few days.  On the 3rd day, when my son saw the TV come on (which is otherwise invisible to him), he just sat down and stared at the program.  I tried to do the actions with him to itsy bitsy spider, and he just looked at me and went bake to staring at the tv.  Twinkle twinkle little star came on, and he ignored my attempts to sing and do the actions while he stared at the screen, like a mesmerized little zombie, staring ahead in a trance.

It was that moment that I said, “no.”  I shut off the tv, and decided this did not feel right.  He was so passive, so “blah” – and while I can see that he could learn those things after a billion hours watching, I think he can learn them from only a hundred thousand hours of me and my wife being present with him.  I called my brother a few hours later, and while talking to him, I expressed that I am a bit stressed about this “educational tv” thing.  He talked me off the ledge and reminded me that it is good that he is learning from books and being brought out into the world, that yes, TV is a great entertainment tool, but it is not educational, and there is no way around that.  He gave some other good thoughts on the matter, which helped me to not feel bad for wanting to ignore this parenting trend.

I have to say this, which I feel will not make me popular amongst the parents or mommy/daddy bloggers out there who follow me, because I feel I am in the very large minority on this topic.  My thoughts are that it feels to me that these “educational” tv programs are just a way to give the parents a clear conscience to leave their kid in front of the tv/computer/ipad/phone while they get some “me time” or do some household stuff.  While I had the program on that 3rd day, the little guy would have sat there staring at the tv while I cooked, cleaned, or sat on my computer.  So, I think it is called “educational” without any merit, without any studies to prove that it is valuable for kids under 3 or 4.  But because it has that label, the parents say, “ok, well this will make them smarter, so I should do this.”  And then down the road they say, “ok this will keep them entertained (aka, quiet) while we sit in the line at the supermarket, or while we are in the car, or so on.”

So, I will continue to read, play, talk to my son.  I will continue to sing, listen to music, and do actions to songs without a screen, in real life.  I will continue to do things, to teach him through communication and being present.  I will continue to keep my phone in my pocket while I am around him.  I will continue to ignore the “educational tv” until he is old enough to actually learn something from it, and then I will be wary again, just like I am now.

Day 356: Truffle Pecorino, Truffle Salami, and Pacheca Douro Reserva

Pappa on Leave2 Comments

Occasionally we take a break from all the “well balanced” meals we try to eat and have one that consists of cheese, prosciutto, sausage, and red wine.  So tonight we did just that!  While the little guy munched on last night’s leftover red pesto pasta with some avocado and a selection of cheese, my wife and I indulged in what I consider one of my favorite meals.

 Highlighting the night was the Truffle Pecorino that I picked up at the local supermarket.  Most people know Pecorino Romano, a hard, sharp cheese that looks vaguely like Parmesan.  But there is also simply “Pecorino,” which is also a sheep’s milk cheese (“pecora” is “sheep” in Italian).  Pecorino cheese is softer, maybe in consistency like a Gouda, and it is creamy in flavor; it is a generally overlooked cheese in my opinion.  And then when you add truffle to it, oh man, it doesn’t get any better.

On top of that, we bought a truffle sausage when we were in Sweden that we brought with us to Hong Kong, and we cracked that open tonight.  It was also good, although a bit fattier than a typical truffle sausage.  It was white truffle, not black, so you could not see the specks inside as prominently, but the flavor was there.

And to top it all off was  beautiful red wine: a Pacheca Douro Reserva 2011.  This was a great full-bodied wine with tons of fruit notes.  It went well with the cheese and sausage, but it also does well on it’s own.  Anyone who likes Zinfandel but wants to change it up a bit should try this Portuguese wine.

With a meal like this, and a happy little guy falling asleep in the other room, it is easy to be satisfied with the evening. 🙂

Day 355: Put Me Back in Bed, Please

Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

For as long as I can remember the little guy sleeping in his own bed (crib), we have had a wake-up ritual.  He sleeps there, and then in the morning when he wakes up, we bring him over into our bed to cuddle and have a cozy little morning before we head off into the day.

So, as you know, we have come back to Hong Kong and transitioned his sleeping so that he does not wake up 3 times a night.  And it has been working for the last few nights, with him sleeping thru the night.  The thing is, he is going to bed a little later, and it takes him a little longer to fall asleep.  It used to be pretty quick – read a few books, give him the bottle, and then he sleeps (and then he wakes up 2 hours later).  Now it takes at least an hour while he stumbles around in his crib trying to get comfortable, talks to me and/or my wife, and just generally delays the inevitable of falling asleep.  Today for example it was 9:20 before he fell asleep.  That means in theory he will sleep until 8:50 tomorrow (he has been sleeping 11,5 hours a night for months).  Of course other things have changed since we got back – lots more exercise, different eating routine, a “bedtime snack”, only 1 nap, and so on.

So, keeping in mind that we are still making sure we are past jetlag, the other morning, I had to wake up the little guy before he woke up on his own (for fear he would sleep too late and then his bedtime would slip later and later).  So, I picked him up from bed and brought him over to our bed to cuddle.  He smiled and laughed for a very short time while we laid there after he woke up a bit, and then pointed to the door of our bedroom.  So, I carried him there, and he pointed to his bedroom.  Then, he pointed to his bed.  He wanted me to put him back into his bed so he could keep sleeping, or keep enjoying the comfort of his bed.  So I laid him back in bed and he laughed, laid down for a second, and then got up on his own terms.  It was one of the funniest things he’s done for a while 😉

Day 354: walking around aimlessly

Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

The days since we have been back in Hong Kong have consisted mainly of 1 thing: walking around.  We get up in the morning, do our thing around the house (read, play with toys, generally run around the house), and then it’s time for a snack and a walk (and a nap for the little guy), followed by him waking up and then lunch.

It’s after lunch that the day really begins.  It is then that he takes over and, armed with a ball in his hands, he goes out to explore the world (of Discovery Bay).  I can usually guide him by throwing or kicking the ball, which he runs after – or by pushing the stroller as a block from a direction I do not want to go, but for the most part it is his show.  Off he goes, down the path, walking like a drunken man, weaving this way and that.  Let’s stop at the playground!  Here’s a swing set!   Look, a dog!  A bird!  A pine cone!  Sand!  Run!  Slow!  Fall down!  Cry!  Eat!  Run!  Point!  Talk!  Laugh!  It’s all a big adventure, so he is on a walkabout finding out about the world, with dad keeping up behind him.

On the one hand, I wonder if now is a good time for me to help him to keep in mind that he’s not in charge here – and to kind of be a bit more controlling over where we go and what we do – say “no” more often, and so on.  On the other hand, I think this time is really critical for his development regarding exploring and being independent.  After all, if I teach him to be cautious now, won’t it be a bad thing down the road?  It’s not like we are completely doing what he says, and I have no problem saying “no” and moving our location or putting him in the stroller, but you know what I mean, right?

The major plus side to all of this is that he is very tired by the time the end of the day comes.  I mean V E R Y tired physically and mentally.  He gets really silly when he is tired, like running / stumbling around and laughing just before bed, so that’s kind of cute.  The main advantage of this is that he is so tired he is sleeping thru the night (or has been since we got back), and he has not done that since before we left Sweden for the USA at Christmastime.  I do believe the wandering around aimlessly and the sleeping are definitely connected, so I’ll keep on going, exploring, and seeing the world thru his fresh and fascinated perspective. 🙂

Day 353: Operation “Forgetting the Pacifier”

Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

The little guy has been using the Nuk Genius pacifier since he was a few weeks old.  Originally we didn’t want him to use a pacifier, because we didn’t want to deal with getting him to stop using it later on, and my wife has a real fear of him being one of those 5-year-olds who walks around with a pacifier.  But, after a few weeks of him screaming all the time, this resistance waned.nukgeniusad.jpg

For me I didn’t really care about it (and still don’t, too much), because I figure if he is an oral guy, he’s going to suck on his thumb or clothing anyway, so why not give him a device for it?  And, as I wrote about previously, I think the pacifier actually does something good for teaching ownership to the little ones of the world.

Anyway, he is now at an age that we think it is good to start removing it during day-to-day interaction, while saving it exclusively for the nights and sleeping.  If we wait too long, it will become a big deal, and when we tried to remove it before, he freaked out.  But now, when we are back in a familiar place, and he has a whole bunch of things to occupy his mind by the way of “new” toys (ones he had but forgot about), this is a perfect time.  In addition, with jetlag, we have a great opportunity to reset this, too.

So, what have we done?  Instead of making a big deal about it, we have simply “forgotten” about it.  In other words, when we would have normally given it to him, we just don’t.  Of course if he whines about it a lot I will give it to him, but in reality, that is becoming less and less already, just in the last 3 days.  Today, for example, he already fell asleep without it during his nap.

There will probably be a regression in this, and if he sees a pacifier he will make a beeline for it, so that probably means stealing them from other kids in playrooms, etc.  But for the moment, the plan is to simply forget about it, like he never had a pacifier in the first place, and save it for nighttime.  We are wishing ourselves good luck in this endeavor! 😉

Day 352: Mr Helpful

Pappa on Leave2 Comments

The little guy really likes to walk around the house “helping” us.  I wrote a few weeks ago that he likes to throw away his diaper, but now this has extended quite a bit.  For example now he insists on helping clear the table after breakfast – which meant bringing the carton of milk to the kitchen.  Also, things like finding garbage on the floor and handing it to me, and even playing that he is putting food on the plates with plastic kitchen utensils (he can’t see table level, but it’s pretty funny nonetheless to see him reaching above his head with a plastic flipper).

This has of course extended outside as well.  Today we walked around a lot while I kicked a ball in front of us and he ran to kick it or pick it up.  Occasionally there would be a leaf or a few tiny pine cones, and then he’d stop what he was doing to get them and bring them to me.

This whole thing is super funny to me at the moment, but I’m sure that it will lose its charm as time goes, especially when in a hurry.  But for now I will just breathe it in and smile 🙂

Day 351: extra cuddly little guy

Pappa on Leave1 Comment

The little guy got a stuffed doll at IKEA about a month ago, and it was amazing to see how he almost saw this doll as a little person with characteristics just like him.  He can point to the various facial features, the belly button, and so on.  And he also loves to hug him.

After that, it was like the flood gates of showing affection opened up.  He continued to hug his doll and other stuffed animals he has.  In addition, he has been coming to us and hugging us.  And kissing.  And hugging.  And kissing.  He will do it just because he feels like it or if we ask for a hug or kiss.  He will do it if he senses we are feeling a little down, which he is surprisingly good at.

This means that simply cuddling has also become something he likes to do.  I think maybe this is what he is sometimes looking for when he walks up to us with a book; there’s no other way yet for him to say, “hey, let’s cuddle.”  Any way that it happens is just fine for me. 🙂

Day 350: Air Conditioning in February?

Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

When we arrived this morning it was already balmy in Hong Kong, with unseasonably humid weather and fog that blocked any view you might try to see.  The temperatures got up to 23 and are expected to stay up thru the weekend until the drop to seasonal temperatures around 12-16 c this week.

Being gone for 2 months, one thing waiting for us in the mail was our electricity bill, which in the summer was a little high (up to 2800 hkd one month – about 3100 sek, or 350 usd).  So naturally we were a bit worried, even though all things were unplugged and we were only here 1/3 of the month.  How high was it?  An amazing 116 hkd (130 sek, 17 usd).  So you can imagine how happy we were about that!

So as we got back from a walk in the unseasonably warm weather, it was with a little trepidation when I turned on the air conditioning when we returned.  Air conditioning in February!  How much will that 5 minutes cost us? 😉

Day 349: flying with a 15-month-old

Pappa on LeaveLeave a comment

We had a long haul flight to get back from Stockholm to Hong Kong, which is now a direct flight (Tjoho!).  That cut about 10 hours off our journey from when we started going back-and-forth a year ago.  Now we have 15-month-old, so it makes things more interesting.

He was surprisingly good at staying in the spots where our seats were, and didn’t insist on going walking around like he did on other flights.  He instead wanted to either read, sleep, or sit on the floor most of the time and simply play.

There is not much you can do differently on a flight with a 15-month-old than if you were at home with them.  They need to be stimulated, they need food at the right timing, they need snacks, and books and toys.  In other words, you just need to treat them with respect for their routines, and things will hopefully go smoothly for all parties.