Day 418: The Wonder of Bubbles

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One thing that has become really fun to do with the little guy and his friends is play with bubbles.  They find them fascinating, and can run after them giggling until they catch them for quite a long time.  It’s such a pure an innocent thing to watch them playing like this, captivated by the whimsical way the bubbles float thru the air.  I love it!

In Hong Kong (and probably everywhere else, too), they sell relatively cheaply bubble “wands”, and also “bubble guns” – if you want to get fancy instead of the old school bubbles we grew up with.  I like these wands or guns more because they are not as messy and they make better bubbles.

If you’ve got a toddler, give it a shot with these, it’ll be a huge hit – just be ready for all the other toddlers in the vicinity to come running to join the fun – they’ve got a “bubble sense” that is amazing 😉

typical bubble wands – these are fantastic!
the kind I don’t use because they are messy and it’s not 1982

 

bubble guns – similar to what we have, but ours plays music and lights up

Day 417: LA: We Love Ourselves, Why Doesn’t Everyone Else?

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I am back on facebook for the sake of the parenting community in Hong Kong, and I think once I am back home in Sweden I will drop off facebook again.  I have written about what changed in the years I was away from it, but one thing that I have noticed that hasn’t changed: People from LA are constantly reminding everyone how great LA is.

There are so many people that give LA a bad time for being inauthentic, and say that the people in LA are selfish and horrible people.  I think this kind of stereotyping is probably part of the problem – surely in a city of almost 4 million people, there are some good apples, right?  Of course there are.  There are some really good people there.

I have been to LA a bunch of times, and I have met some cool people there.  I have also met a lot of the people that the stereotypes talk about.  But I have also met those people in every state in the midwest, and in NY, and in Hong Kong, and in Stockholm, and everywhere else I have ever been.  So why does this reputation kind of hang over LA like a cloud of smog?

There are probably a few factors.  One is the smugness of being an Los Angelan.  There’s a bit of looking down the nose at people from other places (especially from the midwest), with an air of, “oh, we do this here, and it is so smart and enlightened.” give me a break.  And then there’s the lack of humility, and that’s probably the thing that gets people the most.  Nobody likes a person who lacks humility, and people really get irritated by places who lack humility.  Places where the people band together and say how great they are, and share photos and poems, and movies, and articles about why LA is amazing and better than everywhere else.

So, when people write a post on facebook at least once a week stating something like, “LA is so full of wonderful people, blah blah blah” and it gets tons of likes and comments about why LA is great, then you have to wonder what kind of collective insecurity a place has.  Its almost like LA’s inhabitants want you to believe them – “trust us, it really is cool.  seriously.  it’s the best.  seriously.  like seriously.  like no, really.  trust us.”  If it’s cool and the people are cool, let it be cool then, and quit beating the “we are cool” drum.  As it is, that drum is only making it look less cool and less full of the genuine, awesome people they want you to believe are there.

So, be humble, LA.  If some people hate you, that’s how it is sometimes.  If some people love  you, that’s also how it is sometimes.  Just be you.  Get out your free range honey and put it in your organic chipmunk poop coffee, take a sip, relax and enjoy that view of the amazing sunset that you must also take a snap of for facebook (to prove how great LA is).  You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggoned, people like you 😉

Day 416: The Emotional Toll of Moving

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We are moving back home in 5 weeks.  That means 5,5 weeks until I start back at work (and that also means 5,5 weeks until the end of this blog).  There are a lot of arrangements with moving back – calling the moving company to ship what we want to keep back home and figuring out how to get rid of things in general (selling, giving away, and so on).

That stuff is the normal “stress” of moving.  I have moved so many times I don’t even want to count, and every time it gets more draining on my psyche.  It’s not so much moving that is the problem for me, it’s the continual uneasiness of never being settled.  As a kid, I got to a point where I didn’t even unpack some boxes after every move, and I don’t want to be like that as an adult.

This is not to say that I don’t feel open to going other places in the future as my wife did with Hong Kong – there are potential opportunities for my career that involve moving around the world too.  If that is to happen, it’s got to have a clear start and end, and not too much ambiguity about what happens in that “arc” of move away – work – move home.  That is something I probably would not have thought about before this year, but I have learned so much as the year progressed.  This year has been filled with ambiguity, and because of that, I never really felt settled, and because of that, it has been a hard year.  Add to it that I am taking care of my son full time and I am a person who loves to work, and you see that this has been one of the hardest, most challenging times of my life.  And I’ve lived through some pretty tough times.

So, as we prepare to go back, I find myself in a generally grouchy mood.  Extra sensitive.  Tired all the time.  Losing weight.  Blah.  It sounds a bit like depression when I read it, which is really interesting because I am pumped to go back to work, and there are some really cool things that I can’t wait to get started on.  I love Stockholm, and I love that we will be buying a new, bigger place together to live as a family.  I am pumped for my wife to be in her new job.  I am also pumped to spend time in our summer house.  And I am so excited that the little guy is getting older and will move into new phases as he heads off to förskolan in Stockholm (it used to be called “dagis” but apparently that’s not PC now).  So all-in-all, there’s no reason to be feeling as I do.

Perhaps it’s just that I want to get there already.  Skip the 5 weeks of waiting around in a place where I will not be connected to anymore.  Move on from this period and be done with it.  But that’s not how life is.   You can’t just skip the stuff that is less fun.  That would be awesome on the one hand, but on the other hand, if we did skip those times, how boring would life be?  We would end up skipping everything.  Instead, I should focus now on the things that I enjoy most – do some special things with my wife while we are here, spend quality time with my friends here, make the most of the time I have with my son, and savor the special things about Hong Kong.  The next chapter in our lives will come soon enough, so I might as well fully enjoy the current chapter we are in until the end. 😉

Day 415: Bring on the High 5’s

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I did a lot of thinking last night after I researched about kids who like to hug a lot.  There’s a lot of parenting forums that share information about this, and basically it boils down to this: Hugging at this age (17 months) is an imitation of what he sees at home, and how he knows to show affection (his mom and I hug him).  So when he sees his friends and he likes to be around them, he wants to show them this, and he does so by hugging them.  But, there are some things to remember:  Some kids like to give hugs.  Some kids like to get hugs.  Some kids don’t like to get hugs.

I have worked over the last few months to make sure the hugs are not too “hard” – in other words he is not strangling the other kids.  But he is still coming on too strong.  And rather than try to teach him how softly to hug, which seems a bit complicated for a 17-month-old, I have decided to get him to change his tactic so he is giving High 5’s.

So, from today on, when he sees a friend (adults included), instead of giving them hugs, I will ask him to give them high 5’s.  He likes high 5’s anyway, so to me this seems like it will be a good move long-term.  He will still be touching and interacting, but it will not be invading the other little ones’ space.  If he goes in for a hug, I will get on his level and simply say, “don’t hug, ok?” I hope it works, because I have read a lot about how these kids who hug too much can be disruptive in school, so I want to try to stop it now, before it becomes an issue!

I will say that as the day wore on and we saw more friends, the little guy did not jump on the “high five” train.  I think he sees that as a reward for a good job (which it is), so he probably does not see the connection between high five and greeting or showing affection.  It did work to say “don’t hug”, but I am worried that this will be confusing down the road, so instead of saying “don’t hug,” I’ll simply say “don’t touch” – that’s less confusing and a good concept for him to know anyway!

Day 414: Return of the Bites

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Today we had a long and active day, with lots of “play dates”.  It is a Sunday and normally that means time with the family, but my wife had to fly off to some work meetings this morning.  So, instead of being alone, me and the little guy met up with some friends.

I have mentioned in the past that there was a bit of a “biting thing” going on with our group of friends, and the little guy was included in this.  Since I wrote that, we have stopped the little guy from biting – but it appears from today’s play time that we are the only ones who have been successful at stopping our child from biting (at least for the moment – maybe he will start biting again?).

Two of the three friends, in separate play dates, bit him.  Hard.  More than once.  And those bites leave some nasty marks – one of them, on the arm of the little guy, started bruising immediately and has left a nasty mark.  I hope it is not looking too bad tomorrow.

The biting is partially his fault, I guess – but I kind of have to resist from claiming it is his fault too much, because that method of “victim blaming” is passe now – the action of the individual – toddler or not – is that of the individual.  Anyway, I still think I can use the biting of the little guy as a learning opportunity.  I mean, if he gets bit doing something that could cause someone to bite him, then he can learn not to do it – helping both parties.

What happened with the first bite was that the other child is smaller than the little guy, so I think when he is being hugged or the little guy is too close to him, it can get to be too much, and then the other child does not know what to do.  In other words, the other kid probably had “enough” of the little guy’s hugs and closeness, and didn’t know how to get away – so he bit him.  He bit him a few different times, but I think that was the reason for the last bite anyway.

The other child is the one I have mentioned where the mother is not really applying much proactive discipline.  But in this case, I will say, she was right there taking action so her son knew it was wrong.  The little guy had this kid’s toy, and he wanted it back, so he bit him.

I think both instances where we are seeing biting today it is difficult for the parents, because they need to address more complex issues, like, “if you want something, XX is how you get it, not by biting.” (so teaching about sharing, for example, or teaching that you don’t always getting what you want).  The one where he bit because he may have felt like this was a defense – I kind of don’t blame him.  If you put yourself in his shoes, what else is he supposed to do?  He is a lot smaller (same age) than the little guy, so I guess this was his only way out – normally he is a mild-mannered kid.

So on we go with the “biting” thing.  Ugh.  What a pain.  With the little guy, I am using the biting to say, “see, this is why you cannot just grab other kid’s toys”  and “you can’t hug him so close / so much.”  And I am also trying to teach the little guy to wait and not steal toys, and to not hug too much at home.  But I will say, what kid doesn’t steal toys?  Isn’t that how kids play?  And hugging too much?  Never thought that would potentially be a problem.  But I guess parenting is full of these little twists and turns.  Those behaviors we reinforce (like hugging) can be just as potentially disruptive as those we do not.

Day 413: A Toddler’s Fear of Life-Sized Animated Characters

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A few weeks ago at Hong Kong Disneyland, we decided to introduce the little guy and his friend to Minnie Mouse.  You know, when they have people dressed in the characters and you can take pictures with them?  So, there we were, waiting in line, and the little guy was having a lot of fun looking around and even pointed out Minnie to me.

A few minutes later, it was a different story.  He was in my arms, and we were standing next to Minnie for a photo, and she reached out to the little guy.  He freaked out.  Crying, screaming, and trying to basically run away.  I thought maybe it was a one-time situation, where he was just freaked out because there was too much going on, etc.  Maybe it was because Minnie was moving but not talking, and he has a stuffed Mickey who does not move?  Who knows?

Today we made a trip to the Toys R Us in Central Hong Kong.  It’s a relatively small place but there is a little lobby area nonetheless outside the shop.  And boy was I excited when they had a character (is his name Geoffrey the Giraffe?) at the entrance.  I was so excited because the little guy is pumped about giraffes in general.  So, when it was time to leave, I pointed out the giraffe to him, and the giraffe walked over and held out his hand.  FREAK OUT!  OOOAAAAHHHH!!!  Although he was strapped into the stroller, he was trying to run away, climb away, do anything to get away – it was sheer terror.  Even when we got him calmed down by me taking the giraffe’s hand to show it was safe, he wanted nothing to do with it except for to wave “goodbye” and get out of there.

So, there we have the only real, concrete thing that I can say I know the little guy is afraid of: life-sized animated characters.  He had the same reaction as above when he met Santa this winter, so I guess it’s anything “not normal” by whatever standards he has for normal.  If that’s the case, it seems like a pretty rational fear I guess, but hopefully it is something he will outgrow one day. 😉

Day 412: Getting A Little Dizzy

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So, the little guy has a new “thing” he likes to do.  Sure, he’s a toddler, so that means he is doing a lot of weird stuff – this new one is both weird and funny to watch.  He spins himself around and around, getting dizzy.  Of course at the end of the spinning, he can’t walk very well – usually ending in a fall and laughter.

Now, I remember doing this when I was a kid, but I was obviously a lot older than the 17 months that the little guy is.  I remember loving the sensation of spinning and seeing the world fly by, as I seemed to go around faster than a top.  And now, as I watch my son spinning around, it makes me nostalgic for the simpler times of young childhood – when the biggest concern you have is that you wanted strawberry ice cream and only got chocolate instead.

The little guy is spinning more and more lately – which means more and more often he is stumbling around like a drunken fool and falling to the ground while laughing.  It’s even funnier to me because it’s not like he can really walk straight to begin with, given his age.   As it is a new trick to him, yesterday at the toy company photo shoot, he was doing this spinning with a few of the toys that he especially liked (musical instrument toys).  It was really funny for me to watch, but for the photographer and the people from the toy company who wanted a good photo, this was not as amusing 😉

I wonder how long this getting dizzy phase will go on for – I would assume it will last a short time, and then come out occasionally from his bag of tricks as he gets older.  As usual with everything behavioral with him, I find it all fascinating!

Day 411: Stay at Home Dad Confusion

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Today the little guy had another photo shoot for the toy company he had a shoot with in October.  Read more about that, and my view on having the little guy doing some modeling here.  Short version: the little guy is playing anyway, who cares if he is getting paid to do it while people take his photo?  As long as he is not being hurt or coerced or treated wrongly, we feel it is fine at this age.

When we were taking one of many breaks, the woman who works with the parents & children was chatting with me.  She is Hong Kong Chinese, born and raised in Hong Kong.  A very nice woman overall, so I enjoyed talking with her.

While we were talking, she asked me, “who is normally taking care of him?”  I responded that it was me who takes care of him.  This got a kind of surprised look, and she kind of had a hard time understanding what to ask or what to talk about.  She said, “so, you don’t work?  You don’t have to work?  You don’t have a job?”  I laughed and told her I have a job, but I am on leave to take care of my child right now while my wife is working here in Hong Kong.  She was so confused about this – she said she thought that was really interesting and commented that there must not be many other dads staying at home, which of course is accurate.

After the shoot, I got to thinking about her reaction – how she stuttered her way through understanding that I am a stay at home dad.  I realized that it is so special and unique for a guy to stay at home in this part of the world, that it really catches people off guard.  Is there something wrong with me, who stays at home with my child?  And for people here who are more “aware” of child-raising outside of Asia, they are probably still really interested in it.  Like, “Oh, I’ve heard about that, but I’ve never met someone who is doing it.”  Rather than take it personally and get all righteous about it, I was kind and answered her questions and talked with her – after all, there’s always something good to come from a little cultural exchange, and who knows, maybe if she has a child with a man in the future, a stay at home father might be an option for them, too.

Day 410: sick kids still playing with others

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As the little guy still had a bit of a fever today, he was not having a ton of fun, and was definitely in no shape to meet any of his friends.  A few of the other kids we know are also having a fever.  Here we come across another “difference in parenting style.”  Let me explain:

I ran into one of my friends who has a feverish child yesterday, and she said, “our doctor is not a big fan of keeping kids away from others when they are sick, so we will still get together if you want to, so they can play.”  Hmmm.  Ok?!  So it’s ok for your kid to get my kid sick?  Weird.  Selfish.

Our opinion is a bit of the opposite: if the little guy is sick, let’s not let him get other kids sick.  We will still do things with him, and still go places with him, but there is no reason to have him around others who could catch what he has.

I guess this is something we will run up against time and time again as we go forward with parenting.  It’s not that kids get sick that is the hard part for us, it’s that other parents almost willingly get other kids sick.  To me that is not necessarily the greatest thing to do to others, but I guess it is not always a conscious choice that is made, or one that is made maliciously.  

Maybe just “think about others” is a good way to walk forward as a parent of small children – it can work in a variety of scenarios, not just regarding sickness 😉

Day 409: fever makes another appearance

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A few of the little guy’s friends have had a high fever lately.  Additionally my wife has had fever and a cold.  So naturally this afternoon, the little guy developed a fever of his very own, to fit in with the group. 😉

It’s so difficult when your little one has a fever, because of the wide variety of things that could be causing it.  And because of the wide variety of potential causes, you don’t know how worried you should be.  And then there’s the thing that sometimes little ones simply have a fever for no real reason – just to make things more complicated.

My money is that he has gotten my wife’s cold.  They are super close all the time, cuddling and kissing and basically exchanging saliva at times.  So it could be that.  It could also be teething, because I noticed today he wanted to eat a lot of crackers, which are crunchy and probably soothe sore gums.

Whatever the cause, I can only think, “here we go again,” and hope that he is ok and back to his energetic self soon.  It’s never easy to see your loved ones be sick.