Author: Pappa on Leave

Day 238: Seriously Dude, Learn It

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Early this morning I brought the little guy into bed with me to hopefully get a little more sleep for both him and me.  He was sleeping kind of off and on, but I really had to go to the bathroom 1 meter away in the guest room we are staying at.  Really had to go.  So I thought, “ok, I’ll be there for just a few minutes and can keep an eye on him and jump up if I need to.”  But it was super dark, and when I got my phone out to check on him using the light, the little guy was crawling to me, right off the edge of the bed.

On the up side, it was probably only a fall of about 1 foot max (what is that, 28 cm?).  Also, as he was trying to come off the bed head first, he landed on his hands and then head and then the rest of his body.  So he was just fine.  

When he fell, I did what my wife’s sister told us, and that is to make sure the baby moves on their own in a situation like this – so not only did I see him crawl and fall off the bed in slow motion (doing the “superman fly” off the side), but then I had to wait for what felt like an eternity for him to get up.  

Once he moved and I could comfort him, I played with him a bit in the mirror (he likes to mimic the weird faces I make), and then we went back to the bed to play around for a while.

After we played for a while on the bed, he wanted to crawl off the edge, but did what we have been teaching him, “backa” (backwards of the edge).  So in other words he knew what to do, but just didn’t want to do it this morning when he crawled off the bed.  

I was so worried and concerned about him all day, and at the same time thought, “Dude. When are you going to learn this?  Please don’t make it so you hurt yourself every time in order to learn the lesson.”  

At the end of it all, it is always scary when your little one does things that could cause them to hurt themselves.  Of course the key is to make sure we all relax and don’t freak out about every bump and bruise.  They will be fine, it’s us who needs to work out how to handle it. 🙂

Day 237: Towards Our New House

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Today we picked up a bunch of our possessions from storage and made our way north of Stockholm a few hours, to the town where our new house is located.

My wife and I are getting so excited -this is what we have been looking for, and now we have it in just a few days!  We are excited because we used to drive by this house and my wife would say: “oh, if this cute house comes up for sale, we must buy it!”  And after months of searching for just the right place, it finally popped up one day.

Being in Hong Kong during the last few months, of course we had the challenge of how would we look at the house when it finally did come up for sale?  Thankfully my wife’s family was really helpful, going to viewings, sending photos and videos.  But we never went into the house before we bought it.  I’ll say that again: we have not been into the house that we bought yet.

So, it is with excitement and a little bit of nervousness that we prepare for the day we get the house. What will it be like in real life?  Will we still love it?  It’s a wild ride to be on 😉

Day 236: The American Dream Outside of America

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Today I had lunch with a friend & colleague of mine (when I’m not on Pappa Leave, we work together).  As we talked, I told him the big news that we bought a house, and take possession of it on Monday!  This is a big deal because we have been looking for a long time for the right balance between romantic and practical, affordable, but with the right location for us.  As we already own an apartment in Stockholm, this house is a safe haven for us when we want to get away from the city life, and it is in the home town of my wife, and where many of her family live today.

Upon hearing the news, my friend said, “congratulations, man!  Did you ever think 10 years ago that you would have a house and an apartment in Sweden, and that you would live, work, and have a family here?”  I didn’t have to think long to say, “nope!”  As I got thinking about it later in the day, there is something that really sunk in for me.  What is happening with the job and the house and the family is what people would call the “American Dream” – but it’s happening everywhere else except for in America.

That was funny to me until I realized it very genuinely is the American Dream.  Basically the idea is that you have the right to work hard and get ahead, and to do so while you have a family (read a more extended version here).

Most people think that the American Dream involves being in America and doing these things.  In fact, millions of people have moved to America because of that ethos.  But today it came to me that the American Dream is more of a mindset that is uniquely American, than it is about the opportunities in the country itself.  As a mindset, it does not matter where you “do” life – what matters is that you are pursuing those things, through the work ethic that is at the core of it (hard work is a necessary precursor to success in the American Dream).

As I sit here typing this, I have the little guy sleeping at my side.  It’s crazy to think that no, 10 years ago I never dreamed that I would have a life in Sweden.  No, I never dreamed I would be married to my wife, and that we would have a child.  The house that we are buying will be a great place to make those memories throughout the childhood of our son, and it seems to me that giving a nice childhood to our son is a universal dream, not just an American one.

Day 235: Experiencing Real Fall Weather

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Now that we are back in Sweden, and it is late October, we are actually experiencing real fall weather.  That means chilly weather, maybe some light rain, and really fresh air.  I mean really, really fresh, clean, fresh, crisp, fresh air.  With no pollution – no “air quality warnings” to worry about (I’m talking to you Hong Kong!).

It’s probably not as novel to the rest of Sweden, nor will it be this novel to me in three weeks when we travel back to Hong Kong, but for the moment, it’s amazing to be outside on a walk, with me, my wife, the little guy, and the fall air 🙂 

leaves!
  
out for a walk in Hammarby Sköstad, Stockholm
 

Day 234: Long-Haul Day Flights vs Long-Haul Night Flights with a Baby

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We made it to Stockholm, on our first direct flight from Hong Kong to Stockholm.  Usually we have to connect via Munich, Zurich, or Frankfurt – meaning the journey can end up being around 24 hours if there are any delays.  But with this direct flight, we have a breezy 10,5 hours locked in a flying tube of metal with our baby and a bunch of strangers.

The only catch: it’s a day flight, the others are night flights.

No big deal, right?  Ha!  Yes it is.

With a day flight: you have to entertain, play, and otherwise keep the little one occupied in very little space.  Not much room to crawl and otherwise explore without disturbing the others (which we did a little of anyway, just so he could get some crawling time in).  The sleep time is typical nap time – ranging for us from 1-2,5 hours.  So both my wife and I got to watch 2 movies – which is a huge thing if you have a baby.

Day 233: On the Road Again

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Tonight we packed up our things again, we are heading back to Sweden!  I am excited to go back, but we have been so busy lately it is all kind of happening fast.  The good thing is, we have done this a few times, so packing is getting easier 🙂

Here’s to a nice journey tomorrow, we are taking our first direct flight between HK and Stockholm, thanks to a new route added by SAS, so now our travel time is only 10,5 hours, compared to 20-24 before.  With a baby on our journey with us, this is HUGE.  The only caveat is that it is a day flight instead of a night one, so we will see how it goes!

Day 232: At Least 2 Pacifiers in the Crib

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When the little guy and many other babies wake up in the middle of the night, it’s often because they’ve lost their pacifiers.  This was the case for us for quite a few months until I got the wise idea to put at least one extra pacifier in the crib with him.

What happens is he will wake up but still have his eyes closed, and he will crawl around in a daze looking for his pacifier before he collapses back to sleep, as if he has been crawling across a desert looking for water.

So, when I place the extra pacifier into the crib with him, he often finds it right away, and then he continues to sleep.  This also helps my wife and I so we can continue to sleep too ;). 

This method has led to two interesting habits for the little guy.  First, I will often find him sleeping while holding the spare pacifier – and then if he somehow loses the one in his mouth he has a spare in his hands.  And second, when he wakes up in the morning he often lays there playing with the second pacifier.  Kind of an odd solution for preventing a waking baby, but it seems to work for us!

Day 231: Lime Garden Vietnamese Restaurant, Tsing Yi, Hong Kong

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Today my wife had a burning desire to revisit a restaurant we went to with one of our sets of recent visitors.  It’s called Lime Garden, and we visited it at the Maritime Square Mall in Tsing Yi. 

 We like this place because the food is good, they seem to be very child friendly, and the prices are good.  Their soft drinks and coffee are not favorites of me and my wife, but if you like super sugary drinks you might like the soft drinks, and if you like bad coffee you might like their coffee. 😉

I had the Soft Shell Crab Fried Rice in a Pineapple.  Basically anything served in a fruit is going to get my attention, because being from the Midwestern USA, the only things served in a fruit were maybe candy in a fruit-shaped bowl.  So to eat fried rice in a pineapple is a bit of a novelty to me still, no-matter how many countries I visit or live in.  

Today the novelty dish got me, and it was really good!  The soft shell crab was crispy and had good flavor, and there was a good balance between the savory and sweet ingredients.

not the best photo but you get it, its fried rice in a pineapple
So, if you find yourself in the Hong Kong MTR, and you are looking for somewhere new to eat, check out Lime Garden. They might be a chain and then you can find them in the mall nearest you, but I can only promise this location is good!

 

Day 230: When Should a Stay at Home Parent Go Back to Work?

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Today I had a coffee with a senior-level person in the Hong Kong branch in same the company I work for back in Sweden.  She had offered me a job in Hong Kong before, but I said, no, I wanted to take this time to take care of the little guy.  After all, we have parental leave in Sweden for a reason, and it is super special to be able to stay at home with him.

At the coffee, I heard about things in the local business, got updates about what is happening in the company, and then she offered me the same position she offered me back in January.  This is a great position, one that invigorates me and motivates me when I think about it.  It could also open doors I don’t even know about within the company and outside of the company.  After all, who can say they have high-level management experience in 3 continents?

It felt good to hear that even now, months later, this person still wants me to join the team, and can see my potential contribution as a positive one for the local and global business.  How cool is that?  But then as I walked away, reality set in: what can we do about this opportunity as a family?  What should we do as a family?

The reality is that in Sweden, things are a bit more “rosy” when it comes to having a child and going back to work.  You have your job protected when you are on leave, and you can ease yourself back into work however you want.  Being American, this is somewhat of a novelty to me, and I still find myself not trusting that it really is this way.  Anyway, all of this has made me ask the question: When should a parent go back to work after they have a child?

When is it time for the child?  3 months?  6 months?  1 year?  2 years?  Never?  When is it the right time for the parent?  When is it the right time for the family?  I guess it all depends on the personal circumstances and cultural norms, right?  Like in the US,  a lot of people go back to work after 3 or 4 months, whereas in Sweden it is usually 1-2 years.  But again, what is the right time?  When do I go back to work?

If I were to go back to work in the next few months, we would have a lot of new changes we would have to make.  First would be to arrange for childcare for the little guy.  In Hong Kong that would mean arranging for a “helper”, which I’ve talked about before.  The other practicalities that are special for us involve the contract agreement with the branch of the company I work with in Sweden, to make sure I am still protected under Swedish Labor Law for when we return to Sweden, and also dealing with my residency permits accordingly.  But that doesn’t answer what is right for us; right for the little guy.  Soon he needs more than me anyway, and will be going to “dagis” (daycare) part-time anyway, right?

My wife and I have a lot to talk about this weekend regarding all of this.  Of course the plan was for me to stay on leave while I am here, but now this opportunity is in front of me.  I am not usually one to pass up opportunities professionally, and that has always been a good policy – but I have a family now.  I have a child to think of, and we have a family to think of, to build and grow together.  That said, it does feel like passing up this opportunity is just delaying the inevitable, which is that I will go back to work in the future anyway – so why delay it if the right opportunity comes up?  It’s a good problem, but still a challenge to figure out.  😉

Day 229: Appreciating What You Have

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Today we spent a day at the pool at one of the clubs in Discovery Bay that we are members to.  Of course we are members because we got the dues included in our rent, but we still have the awesome benefit of having this option for something to do.

When I was hanging out there, in the sun, enjoying the day woth our visitors while the little guy slept, I had a moment where I really appreciated the ability I had to be there.  And it dawned on me that I do not appreciate where I am, what our circumstances are, or many other things nearly enough.  It’s easy to get caught up in the other things that occupy our minds, and never stop and smell the roses or appreciate where you are right now.

So much time is spent in our lives planning for the future, talking about the future, and living for the future.  But having the little guy here in my life has shifted how I think. I have noticed that in the time that I have spent with the little guy, the moments we have are often what you picture the future to be.  Pushing him on the swing, for example, was always what the future would be when I had a child, and now I have one – and there we are!  

If I was spending that time worrying about the next things in life, maybe I wouldn’t see that moment.  Of course we all need to plan ahead, but maybe it’s a good idea to isolate that time and stop and appreciate where you are – explore all the circumstances that have come together, and be wowed by the awesome feeling that goes along with it 🙂