Author: Pappa on Leave

Day 178: Swimming in Hong Kong

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With terribly hot and humid spring and summers, it is no surprise that there are a lot of options for swimming in Hong Kong.  There’s the apartment buildings – many of the newer ones have pools.  Hotels also have pools, you can basically take your pick of where you want to go.  There’s also a lot of public pools – for example in Kowloon and Tung Chung they are inexpensive and nice, and definitely a good option.

In Discovery Bay, where we live, there are 2 pool options, at both the “clubs.”  You have to pay a monthly fee to access these clubs, and when you do you get pool access, and a few other amenities like play rooms and discounted prices in their restaurants (although you still have to pay for the gym an additional fee, so it’s not that awesome).

Anyway, there is a pool at the club in the plaza (where the ferry comes in), and one in the Siena Club (by the North Plaza).  I usually bring the little guy with me to th Siena Club, because there’s an indoor part (no worry about the sun, and water is much colder).  Additionally, the pool has a really beautiful setting, overlooking Hong Kong island in the distance.  When the kids are older, there’s also a sweet kids area with a part that feels like you are in a water park.  When you think of it, it’s hard to get a better place to swim with your child in Hong Kong. 🙂

image from visitdiscoverybay.com

Day 177: When You Feel Uninspired

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I have been writing blog posts now for the previous 176 days.  There’s a lot of different topics covered – some serious, some playful, some about the little guy, some about food, some about travel.  I usually find something interesting to write about during the day – something might pique my interest and I say “aha, that is what I will write about today.”

Lately, since we have been back in Hong Kong, I have felt a little uninspired.  Or some of you might call it feeling “blah.”  And of course when you feel this way, you don’t really think that the things you find interesting to write about would be interesting to someone else. 

It’s weird when I feel this way because as you know, I have a positive spirit in me.  There’s no departure in the positivity or optimism from knowing everything will be ok and so on, but it’s more of a frustration that leads to being a bit bummed, and then the guilty feelings for feeling that way when you know your life is not so bad compared to other people’s.  It’s not really about being negative, it’s about being despondent, for lack of better word.  

Some of these feelings come from feeling like we as a family are floating along without roots in the ground (back and forth between Sweden and Hong Kong, and then when we are in Sweden, we are bouncing around).  It’s so exhausting I can’t even explain it – it would be without a child in tow, but with one, it is just plain hard on your psyche.

Hong Kong itself is exhausting, so being here takes a lot more energy, and when you do something that would otherwise be normal back home, you feel like you “survived” and should get a Medal of Honor just for doing it.

Another part of my feelings currently come as I question my job.  I have mentioned that I love working, and I love my job.  But last week, I was contacted by the person covering for me asking for an update on my return plans, and that has had me thinking.  As anyone who has been on Pappa Leave (or Momma Leave) will tell you, when you think about going back, it isn’t as exciting as it once was.  Maybe because it’s old, or maybe it is because everything else in your life has changed, and that means going back to the old job is out of the flow.  It could also be that once you step away from it, you see the job or the company or the direction of your future from a different angle.

So what do I do when I feel uninspired, blah, and so on?  I used to think you should turn – go a different direction, not let it get much attention.  Then there was a while that I thought I needed to deal with it head-on, to analyze the “why” and “how” of those feelings in-depth all the time. That for me is not a healthy option, because you just sit there in those feelings, and it can turn into an unproductive rabbit hole if you are not careful.  I think this is because identifying what’s wrong is the key step, and if you are self-aware you probably already know what’s wrong, so you just need to get on with moving past it.

So for me, I think it’s best to acknowledge the feelings, like waving to a neighbor across the street.  Be aware of them and where they come from, but then move on from them.  There is no reason to dwell on anything or try to solve it immediately, because time will always help you work things out.  Time brings perspective and helps to shed light that you might need to make a change in your life, if that is what is needed.  Or time can simply help to wash away silly insecurities, too.

So for me and these current feelings, I just acknowledge them, and don’t give them too much weight.  They have no power when they have no weight, right?  And if they come up again and again, I will of course take a moment to dig into what exactly it is – but the chances are very good that I simply need to relax, take it easy and not worry too much.  That is the answer to most things.  Take a chill pill, everything will work out fine 😉

Day 176: Playdates with the Helpers

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I have an interesting dilemma that has been on my mind for a while.  It’s not as much of a dilemma as a weird situation, and I am unsure how I feel about it, so I figure if I write it out, it will make more sense.  Let me paint a picture for you.

I have met a few lovely groups of moms.  One group stays in touch regularly, and all of the little ones are about the same age.  Most have “helpers”, which is the Hong Kong term for when they hire a person as an under-paid domestic servant nanny/cook/cleaner.  The helpers come from various parts of South East Asia, and basically keep the house running and the kids taken care of while the parents work.  Some households have helpers even if there is a parent who is not working, but in the case of the mom friends I mentioned above, they are all back to work now after watching over their children for many months.  This has left me and one mom from the group as the only two who are at home with their little ones without a helper.

A few months ago, I received a text message from one mother saying, “hey, does your little guy want to meet up for a play date this afternoon with my little guy at XYZ play room at ABC time?”  I wrote back, “yes, that would be great!  I’ll see you then!”  She wrote back, “ok, that’s perfect!  I’ll let my helper know and they will meet you there.”  I was a little weirded out by that situation, not because I don’t want to hang out with the helper (she’s really nice), but because the mom was working as the “agent” for the helper.  Why couldn’t the helper just send me a text, or why couldn’t she have mentioned that it was a meeting with her helper and her child to begin with?  I doubt it would have mattered from my side, because a play date with two little ones of the same age is pretty valuable, regardless of who is watching them at that time.

So, now that the moms are all back at work, all of the play dates that are organized are helpers + babies (no parents).  So the dilemma is this:  in order for the little guy to meet up with the group of babies his age, I’m going to be hanging out with the helpers.  As I mentioned above, it is not really a big deal for me if I think about what is really important: the interaction with babies his age.  But it does matter to me for 2 reasons.

  1. The helpers probably do not want to talk to me – we have nothing in common, and they likely want and need that time at play groups to talk through whatever they are going through with the other helpers.  It’s bad enough they are being sent to hang out with me and the little guy by their bosses (the moms) – from what I have seen at the play rooms in Discovery Bay, the helpers would rather talk amongst themselves than to the expats (and especially if the expat is a father).
  2. Play dates are not just social for the little guy – I need them too, in order to talk about parenting things or just have some social time in general (so I don’t lose my mind).  Helpers are paid to take care of the children, and they do care about the children for sure – but the helpers are not the parents of these children, and they do not make the key parenting decisions, or have the same kind of concerns, so there is a difference in how we approach situations.

Since I think most of the helpers in the group are really nice, I think what I will do is not assume that they do not want to socialize with me – maybe they will find it interesting to talk to me, just as I would find it interesting talking to them.  🙂  As far as getting the socialization for me, maybe I just need to let go of the play dates as the place where I get that socialization, and find it elsewhere – or be open-minded that a different kind of socialization is fine.

Above all, it’s really a lesson in being flexible, I guess.  I didn’t even think about what would happen when everyone was back at work – of course it would only be the helpers who are able to bring the little ones to a play date in the middle of the day.  It’s kind of a big metaphor for life – things are always changing and evolving – just when you get used to one situation, things change, and you adjust to a new one, and on-and-on the circle goes. 😉

Day 175: Ninja Baby

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It has happened a few times in the last week where I will have the little guy playing in front of me, and then I will twist over and back to check on something on the ipad (up on the sofa behind us) for a few seconds, and then BOOM!, there’s a little guy standing right next me, using the sofa for support, staring at me and laughing.  He will have gone from playing and crawling on the floor in front of me, to standing next to me without making a sound, in a matter of seconds, just like he’s some kind of ninja.  

In case you are skeptical that I am maybe just ignoring my son while I am looking at the iPad, I assure you this is not the case.  I have a “3 second max” approach to watching him at this age – I never let my eyes off him for more than 3 seconds (additionally, I am listening and keeping him in my peripheral vision).  My eyes are always darting to him when I am trying to multi-task, kind of like when you are driving and checking your mirrors.  So, I want to point out the timeline on this:

  • 0 seconds: son playing in front of me
  • 1 second: I am turned to the iPad, son playing in front of me
  • 2 seconds: I am turned to the iPad, son must be doing ninja moves outside my peripheral
  • 3 seconds: I am turned to the iPad and turn back to check my son, and there he is standing next to me

A few weeks ago, I wrote about his super human kung-fu grip.  Now, he’s got this ability to go into stealth ninja mode, so I’m starting to wonder about these super skills that he is starting to show.  If he can make himself invisible or fly, then I will be really freaked out. 😉

Day 174: The Week Alone is Over

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I don’t think I mentioned it earlier, but my wife was gone for work, leaving me and the little guy alone with one another all week.  That means we got to help each other overcome jetlag, adjust to the crazy heat and humidity, and the change from being around family and friends in Sweden to meeting new people all the time here.

The little guy did a good job the first few days, but last night was not his night or my night.  I think it was the last little “bump” before you are adjusted after traveling – neither of us was sleeping well, and we were both a bit cranky for the first half of the day.

The heat and humidity is still a major obstacle here.  It’s so oppressive, you don’t really feel like going out to do something.  For example today we were at Disneyland (that trip alone was unappealing but I gave my word to a new friend that I would go), and it was fairly miserable for me.  I don’t think it was for the little guy, because he seemed content most of the time, but for me it was just not fun because of the heat, humidity, sun, crowds, and noise – combined with not sleeping well.  So, I think I have a few more days until I am completely adjusted to the heat again, so that I’m not trying to bounce from one air conditioned place to another.  For the little guy, as long as I keep using the rechargeable fan that clips to the stroller, I keep blocking the sun from him, and I keep giving him water, he seems to be just fine.

Being “alone again” after being in Sweden is both a nice change and, as you can imagine, lonely.  It’s nice to go on my schedule, do things that I plan to do without worrying about anything else – but at the same time, it’s hard to be alone all the time when you are adjusting to so many other things.  And it’s a billion times harder to be alone when you are with a 9-month-old who wants you to be within touching distance at all times.  Imagine how fun it is to try going to the bathroom.

We also met and started to get to know a whole new group of people this week. One thing I love about spending this Pappa Leave time here in Hong Kong is that there are so many other people in a similar situation, most people are really open to meeting new people.  In Sweden, people are not thrust into a situation were they have a child and no friends, so they already have a network and are likely not nearly as interested in meeting new people.  

So, it has been really nice this week to stay busy, meet new friends, and get back into the groove – it has helped us get into a rhythm naturally that helps the little guy find the routines he needs – but I am looking forward to my wife being back now, so she can spend some time with her son and her husband, but also so I can have more than 2 seconds to myself 😉

Day 173: New Favorite Toy: Plastic Bottle

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We have all sorts of delightful toys.  Toys that have bells.  Toys that have songs.  Toys that have lights.  Toys in every color in the rainbow.  Toys made of wood.  Toys that are soft.  They are everywhere right now on our living room floor.

Despite the plethora of toys that collectively cost more than I probably want to think of, the little guy really likes plastic bottles.  Yep, a Diet Coke bottle or a bottled water bottle (small or large) will really pump him up.  We do not allow him to crawl into the kitchen (too many hazards), but the other day he made it in after I walked in there, and he found a full bottle of water.  Today he made a beeline for the kitchen and went right to the same place, and found a bottle of water again.  It was full, and 1,5 liters, so he could not pick it up and got frustrated.

Back in the living room, he saw an empty bottle up on the dining room table.  He clearly thought, “I MUST HAVE IT!” and proceeded to whine and cry about this bottle until I could figure out what the deal was and get it for him.

I have absolutely no problem with him chewing on plastic bottles, because they are made of PET, and PET is also what the plush toys (stuffed animals) are made out of in the form of polyester.  Plush toys are also filled with polyester fill (also made from PET).  So I’m not of the illusion that the toys are safer than the bottles because of what they are made of.  The lids are tightly secured, so no worries there.  Oddly, what does bother me is that I could have just filled his toy basket with various plastic bottles and he would be happy.

I guess I can’t blame him, I can see the merit of the plastic bottle as a toy.  It becomes even more clear when he picks up a plastic bottle that is the size of him, but he can swing it around without a problem, or he can look through it and see things in a different color, or he can chew it and it gives away but still offers a little resistance – it seems that a plastic bottle is kind of a perfect toy after all.

Day 172: The Return of Coffee

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After 7 years away from coffee, I must now admit it to myself that I again drink coffee.  I do not drink much, and not everyday, but as opposed to not drinking coffee, it’s a big change.

The reason I stopped drinking coffee was because I really like it; so much that I was drinking coffee all day long, stopping maybe in late afternoon.  Eventually I started getting the shakes, and it got to the point where I would start shaking after just 1 cup.  It was probably caused by the caffeine mixed with the stressful events of my life at the time, but I just decided one day to stop.  No problem.

During those “non coffee” years, I became an avid tea drinker. I still really like tea, and especially a good cup of Earl Grey, but if I need a caffeine drink now (coffee or tea), I find myself going towards coffee – as long as it’s espresso-based, not brewed.  Probably you will see me having a cappuccino.  In Italy they say you should not have cappuccino after the time of day you would have tomatoes (so basically no cappuccino after lunch), but I’m not in Italy 😉

Why the change back to coffee?  It’s hard to explain the first of two reasons.   The first is that my decision to stop drinking coffee was an aescetic decision – a way to deny myself something as an exercise in self control.   By not having coffee I was in effect reminding myself of the power of the mind -a “you can do whatever you put your mind to” kind of thing.  But I don’t want/need that exercise anymore, and I don’t see a reason in denying myself something that I see as an affordable luxury; a gift to myself that doesn’t cost more than the tea I would otherwise have purchased.  

Second is that I have a little guy who I am responsible for being 100% alert around all day long.  The little guy also makes it so I do not get much sleep.  So, in order to keep me awake on some afternoons, coffee just gives me more of what I need than tea does.  The re-introduction of coffee started when the little guy was 7 months old and we went to Vietnam and I had the iced Vietnamese coffee.  Now that is a good drink.

Socially, it is much easier to be a coffee drinker than not, especially when I am in Sweden.  Being a tea drinker in Sweden is pretty rare, so people are always a little unsure how to handle you.  “Oh, you don’t drink coffee?  Do you want tea then?  What kind do you want?  Let me get the water boiler out.”  You just feel bad, when all you really want to say is, “sorry, I know it’s a pain, I can just drink your coffee if it’s easier.”  If they know you drink coffee, people say, “do you want coffee?”  And you say yes or no.  Simple and easy. 

I was joking today that in 100 years people will say, “can you believe they used to walk around drinking coffee?  They even had coffee houses!”  Kind of how we now laugh about how not that many years ago, cocaine was freely prescribed and was even the principal ingredient in Coca Cola.  As a stimulant, caffeine that we get from drinking coffee is so addictive that there seems to be a fine line between caffeine and any other stimulant that is considered a drug.  Just try to talk to someone who needs coffee in the morning to get going – talk to them before they have their coffee.  ðŸ˜‰

So as long as I don’t turn into “that guy” (and that’s why I only have coffee in the late morning or early afternoons), then I will be fine with being back on the “coffee train.”

iced latte at “% Arabica” in Discovery Bay

Day 171: Cafe 360 in Sham Shui Po’s Dragon Center

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Today the little guy and I were joined by a friend and her little guy on an adventure to Sham Shui Po.  I have a SIM card that I need to recharge every 3 months, and all the cheap places for adding credit are there (3 months with unlimited internet for just over 500 hkd).

My friend had not been there yet, so I showed her around, and then we went to the Dragon Center shopping mall.  It’s 9 floors of goodness, with an ice skating rink on the top floor.  There used to be a roller coaster, but for “safety reasons” it was shut down and all that remains is the track.

The Dragon Center is a bit of an “old school” Hong Kong mall.  The ceilings are short, the shops are small (like, seriously, they fit 1 person) – but often with very cool things.  As you go down from top to bottom, the shops become less independent and you find more chain stores.

It was time for lunch, but we also needed a place with height chairs for the little guys.  I was concerned – this is not the kind of mall where I expect the restaurants to have height chairs.  But then, as if delivered from above, on the 6th floor was a restaurant called “Cafe 360.”   

   
We saw height chairs, and the food looked amazing.  I would describe it as “European Fusion” – a bit of a mix of Italian, French, primarily.  I was compelled to try the place when I saw the mushroom soup with puff pastry top – and it was offered with either spaghetti bolognese or spaghetti carbonara.  My friend got the bolognese and said it was amazing, and I got the carbonara, which was also very good.  The meal comes with a choice of drink, but I “upgraded” to a Himalayan Sea Salt Coffee.  Fantastic.   

    
 If you find yoursf in Sham Shui Po, probably looking for bargains on electronics, I would recommend a stop into this restaurant.  It is clean and fresh, the staff was incredibly kind, and the food is excellent.  A really exciting and surprising find!

Day 170: Into the Swing of Things

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The little guy slept well last night (although it was between us on our 140cm bed), so that was great – it’s amazing how nice it is to get somewhat normal sleep after those long flights.

Being as social as possible, I thought it was a good day to jump right back into things.  Why wait?  Some people I noticed seem to wait to be social until the jetlag clears, or find other excuses after they are gone and return, but to me it seems like that is the worst way get over jetlag.  Just get on with your life as if the time difference is just a long night you had, and you will be just fine.

So, I joined a group of moms for a coffee, then spent the afternoon with a closer friend of mine and her little one – we had a few stops in Discovery Bay, then the playroom.  Oh how the playroom has changed for the little guy!  Before we left 6 weeks ago, he could barely crawl around it.  Now, he’s crawling everywhere, and crawling quickly – even crawling up the padded playroom slide that is taller than him.  Crazy!  

Off we go into the week – tomorrow to Sham Shui Po, then later in the week to some other playgroups and Hong Kong Disney.  No rest for the weary! 🙂

Day 169: Back in Hong Kong

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We had a great flight!  Tjoho!  We flew from Munich to Hong Kong using Lufthansa (easily one of the better “baby friendly” airlines), and found ourselves here before we knew it.  The little guy flew and slept well, and when he was awake he charmed everyone – this is a great thing when there are also outbursts of crying.  People seem to be ok with the “exploring the voice” screaming that he is doing now, which was a relief.

So now we are back in Hong Kong for a few more months, and we will be jumping into things as usual tomorrow – starting with a get-together with the other moms (no dads yet!), and hopefully some play time to keep the little guy from remembering to have jetlag.  For me, thank goodness my friends are interesting to talk to and I like being around everyone and their babies, and if I am really tired, there’s always a coffee available.  Here we go again – no rest for the weary!

our last flight using the baby cot