Author: Pappa on Leave

Day 138: Close Talker, Close Sitter, Close Sleeper

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The little guy has a full-blown personality of his own, and in his eyes you can see a presence; an awareness of the world.  He is constantly looking at whatever he finds interesting, looking sometimes super intensely – with focus.  There is a mirror in the hotel that reaches to the floor, and today he crawled up to it, and played with the other baby.  He thought the other baby was pretty handsome 😉

One thing that is also happening is a real need to be close.  I mean CLOSE.  It is not enough to talk (babble) to me, he must do it in my face really loudly.  It’s not enough to sit next to me, he needs to be ON me.  It’s not enough to be held by me, he needs to latch on to me like a monkey. It’s not enough to sleep next to me, he must nestle his way into whatever space there is.  

On the one hand, this is all very cute and cozy – who doesn’t like to feel needed and special to their baby?  On the other hand, it’s like, “hey dude, give me some space here.”  I am choosing to focus on the cozy element of it, so that I can memorize it for the future.  After all, in about 14 years he will not want to cuddle with me (I am assuming).  And, it IS pretty cute, so I guess I will just enjoy it 🙂

Day 137: What Goes In Must Come Out

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I am pretty pumped that the little guy has taken more and more to the solid foods, and is relying less on the bottle.  It is going along with his increased activity – crawling around a lot, etc., and his overall awareness of the world (wants to eat like his parents eat – even opens his mouth when we are eating).  In addition, he is getting very close to the point where he will sleep through the whole night without eating (he has done it a few nights already), and that probably also gives him more interest in meals during the day.

Naturally, this up-swing in eating solids comes at a cost to the guy who is taking care of him.  That’s right, I’m talking about changing more diapers.  We are talking about a huge increase in production, here.  When he was really small, we changed a lot of more-than-pee diapers.  But then over the last 4 months, it was down to 1-2 a day.  Now, we are up to 3-4 a day.  And this is a new type of monster – they don’t smell like roses!  The increase probably has something to do with all the fruit-smoothie-products we feed him between or at the end of meals to help give some fiber (otherwise the porridge does not have enough fiber for him and he is not a happy guy).

If you remember my post from last week, changing a diaper has become a major task now, as he would rather crawl away or twist his body into a human pretzel – even if he is not wiped off (leading me to pure panic, imagining his butt dropping down on whatever surface we are on before being cleaned).  Today when I was changing his 4th diaper, I couldn’t believe his strength and desire to get off his back – even with all the “fun” I was trying to have with him – singing, toys, games, etc.  I guess if you were just learning to move and explore, you wouldn’t suddenly want to be placed on your back and have your pants pulled off – so I can’t blame him.  Regardless, I think it’s time to start potty-training him.  8 months isn’t too early, is it? 😉

Day 136: Those Parents Who Can’t Hear Their Noisy Baby in Public

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Today we are back in Stockholm and I noticed on two occasions that we are “those parents” who can’t hear their kid making noise.  First was in our storage unit when he was squawking and whining a lot, and we just kept going about our mission.  The second was in a restaurant.  Before I had the little guy, I was usually somewhat annoyed when parents would be out in public and they didn’t do anything when their kids made noise.  After all, you should think about other people, right?  So what’s the deal?!  

I realized after some thought that ignoring baby noises that others might find annoying is because those noises are part of the white noise that a baby creates.  So basically, we (parents) are on alert when we hear those “red flag noises” – the rest just go by (to us, anyway).  It could also be that with how tired we are, it takes all of our focus to be social while also making sure the baby does not grab a fork and stab himself, so we literally do not hear it.

At least I think the other people were entertained by the little guy’s restaurant squawking, so we will have to make sure we keep going to really loud, outdoor, and/or causal places for quite some time 😉

Day 135: A Baby’s Kung Fu Grip

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Our little guy has at least 1 super-human feature.  I’m talking about his kung-fu grip.  He is able grab onto something and hold onto it for dear life, while it takes me and his mom a few seconds to safely get him off of that item.  It can be little things (toys, spoons), painful things (hair, noses, hair on legs, skin), or other items (tables, doors).

Here’s a typical scenario that happens if I am with him on the sofa:  He’s crawling around, while I keep my own kung fu grip on him to prevent him from falling off.  He decides he wants to crawl down the side of the sofa (obviously, the most interesting thing for him).  While I let him struggle just a little bit over the sofa edge, BOOM, his little hands grab onto the underside of the sofa, and he will not let go – laughing the whole time that I try to pry his fingers from the side.

Of course this grip can be a good thing, too.  If he drops his pacifier while I am holding it, I will just bend over and let him grab it, for example.  Today for the first time we gave him “majskrokar” (corn puffs with no flavoring that Swedish babies chew on), and he grabbed it immediately and started gnawing on it.  He also has no problem grabbing toy balls that you would assume are too big for him – nope, he’s got it with one hand, like a mini Michael Jordan.  He will also grab onto our shirts if we are holding him and will crawl up us if he gets scared or excited (imagine a little monkey).

So, I can assume a few career options for him based on this super-human grip strength he is exhibiting:

  • Trapeze Artist
  • Professional Basketball Player
  • Arm Wrestler
  • Guy who wraps the rope in circles on the ferries in Hong Kong (they have huge forearms!)
  • Something involving holding and/or bending things

Of course we will let him pick what career he wants and we will try not to push him into any one over the other ;P

Day 134: Waking Up to a Cheekbone Chewer

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The little guy woke me up today at 5:00 in the morning by chewing on my cheekbone.  He has a pair of tiny razor-sharp teeth on the bottom, so the chewing, which used to be cute and fun, was painful enough to wake me up right away.   Yesterday he found my ear and chewed on it, and the day before he kicked me in the face.  Also, we don’t co-sleep, so how is he getting into bed?

My wife brought him into our bed, in an attempt to cuddle some extra sleep out of him.  He usually will fall asleep after we try this maneuver, but today it just did not happen.  He crawled around, still super tired, looking like a drunk man searching under the table at the bar for the car keys his friends took away from him.  When he does this, he will periodically drop his head to the bed, and almost fall asleep.  As if noticing that we would win the sleep battle, he will then whipped his head up with a sigh, and go back to the drunken-man crawl on the bed.  This continued today for about 30 minutes when finally I decided the extra grunts he emitted meant he needed a bottle.  After feeding him, he continued to do the crawl around the bed, but eventually fell asleep, and slept for 3 more hours.

There is a major difference between the person I am at 5:00 compared to the person I am at 8:30. At 5:00, I am not super thrilled about anything and kind of go on auto-pilot making the bottle and feeding him.  I do not even enjoy the cuteness of the drunken-man crawl – but I will take a moment to note it for later, when I feel like a good laugh.  At 8:30, I can reflect on it and laugh, and can go about the day in a little better spirits.

The little guy is obviously not aware enough to be concerned if we are tired or not, and truthfully, it does not really matter if we are tired.  He needs a loving, happy father to be there for him, even if I did not get a good night of sleep.  Regardless, I act like I am outraged by the cheekbone chewing early in the morning, but the fact is I oddly love it because it means my son is healthy and active, and I love it when he is playing or crawling on me.  I just need to work with him on the timing 😉

Day 133: A Simple Way to Have a “Good Day”

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The past few days have been rainy and cold in Sweden, and today it is beautiful and sunny.  Reflecting on the last few days has reminded me of many years ago when I was in the modeling world (almost 15 years ago now); I met a really interesting guy.  He was from The Netherlands, and we were both in Milan for the show season in January, sharing a small flat in a basement.  I should point out that I have a Master’s Degree from a top US university and some coursework on a PhD completed, and I can say that I had more meaningful intellectual conversations while modeling than any I had in academia.  In other words, be careful about stereotypes.

Anyway, I was talking with him about how the weather was really nice that day, and it really helps you to have a good day.  He said, “why do you need nice weather to have a good day?  A good day comes from your outlook, and it can happen no-matter what.”  Back then as a guy in my early 20’s finding myself all alone in the world, this was a really poignant statement.  So true.

After that, I went about putting those words into practice.  A “good day” or “bad day” is about what is internally happening and how that translates into your outlook.  I believe with all of my being that you can decide the moment you wake up if the day is going to be good or not-so-good.  It is all about choices.

Those choices lead to your outlook about happiness, and it is all about looking for the things that you need in order to be happy (and the bar for what you need to be happy should be set really really low).  For example, if you need good weather to have a good day, and it is rainy and cold in the middle of July, then you can see how beautiful the rain is when it is crashing down, and how cozy it is when you are inside.  But even better than that is not relying on external things (like weather) that are beyond your control – but instead to say to yourself (literally or figuratively), “today is a great day” when you wake up.

A day is neutral when it starts – it can turn out however you want it to – so by saying “today is a great day”, you are saying to yourself that today already exists as a good day, with nice things to experience.  It takes the power away from other things or people or events to control how you experience the day.  Let’s say you are feeling really down or overwhelmed by something (or life in general) – if you repeat “today is a great day” to yourself as soon as you wake up, you will eventually convince yourself of the goodness of the day, and you can overcome those challenges easier.  Over time it will not take repeating, it will just be a natural mindset you have when you wake up.

We all have good days and bad days, and it would be silly to try to have 100% good days, because we are human, and part of being human is having emotions.  Emotions can have a way of building up and can then have a way of cracking through and clouding your vision.  So, again I refer to my friend who said, “you control if your day is good or bad.”  Don’t let the world you experience be clouded by a little rain – remember that behind the clouds there is always sunshine, and you control which one you see. 😉

Day 132: The Platinum Rule

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Recently I read about a variation to the famous Golden Rule, which is called the Platinum Rule.  Here’s a quote from Wikipedia that basically sums it up:

The Golden Rule states we should do unto others as we would do unto ourselves. The Platinum Rule states we should do unto others as they would do unto themselves. This should require an individual who wishes to apply the Platinum Rule successfully to make the effort to understand the needs and desires of the other person before acting.

I think this is pretty solid, because it requires us to be reflective and think about the other person’s perspective instead of just projecting our own onto them.  It makes a lot of sense to me, and I hope you can also see the value of it!

Day 131: Diaper change? Good luck!

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Tomorrow the little guy turns 8 months, and there are a lot of awesome things that come along with it.  For example, his personality is starting to shine thru even more, and he is moving quickly towards eating only solids.  He is also a lot more active, which is fascinating and interesting and scary all at the same time.

One new development is the battle that ensues when trying to change his diaper.  It started a while ago, when he would try to roll over or reach for something at the side.  But now it is a full-on battle.  

You can distract him by singing or giving him a toy, but this is short-lived.  He needs to be on his side or stomach, apparently, and it must happen NOW, while he is being changed.  Not in 1 minute, 30 seconds, or even 5 seconds.  Now!!

And good luck to me and my wife when changing him into clothes in the morning or changing him into pajamas at night.  It is becoming more and more difficult with him getting stronger physically and more opinionated about where he should be.  It is a good thing we started changing him on a mat on the floor a few months ago – it has happened more than once that he has been well into crawling away wearing nothing but his birthday suit, looking for adventure, as if to say, “who needs a diaper?  I’m ready to go!!”  If it were not so cute most of the time, we would be exhausted by it – I guess it is important to stay lighthearted about it and keep trying new things to keep him happy and/or distracted during changing times.  This one really keeps us on our toes!!

Day 130: Raising a Bilingual Baby

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My wife is Swedish and I am American.  So, our baby is a dual citizen of both countries, and will be raised in Sweden (once we are back from Hong Kong).  This means he will need to speak fluent Swedish and English.  What’s our plan?

We decided early on that my wife would speak Swedish with the little guy, and I would speak English.  In this way, he would be exposed to both languages.  It only works if you always do this – so my wife should not go into English with him, and I should not try to speak Swedish with him (although it does help me learn Swedish to do this).  At the moment, since I am spending more time with the little guy and all our friends in Hong Kong speak English, he is exposed to way more English than Swedish.  When we are in Sweden, it is more balanced, because his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all speak Swedish.

It is important that he retains the connection to the Swedish language, so when we are in Hong Kong, I have started to play Swedish Radio for him, so he can be exposed at the very least to the language of the dj’s and even some Swedish music.  This is no replacement to hearing Swedish from my wife, but there are days when she sees him very little, so we are doing our best with the situation.

Apparently the research shows that when kids are exposed to two languages, they can pick up other languages easier later on, even if they might be a little slower in developing their language skills at first.  So, all we can do is stick with this plan, and keep exposing him as evenly as we can to both the different languages we speak natively.  Of course the most important language for him to learn is the universal language of love, which we can show him no-matter-what language we speak 😉

Day 129: The Value of Taking Parental Leave

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Today I was explaining how the time I have spent with the little guy has become deeper and more meaningful now, when I have taken this time away from work to take care of him full time.  It makes sense, right?  When we are working (especially if you love working like I do), you get caught up in it – you might leave work for the night, but you never really leave work, if you understand what I mean.

But when you take time away from work specifically to care for this little person, when they come to rely on you to survive, and when you have nothing in your way, it can be life-altering.  Your priorities can shift in ways you hear might happen (but maybe never really believed), and your work life, while still important, does not seem like the most important thing on earth – perhaps because it isn’t, or shouldn’t be in the first place.

So, I can say to anyone who might be trying to figure out if they can take time away from work, to definitely give it a try.  Give yourself and your little one a chance to get to know each other, learn each other’s rhythm, and let your relationship with your son or daughter develop.  As they say, this time goes by quickly, so if you can, don’t let it pass by without that quality time!