Day 368: Tired Toddler, Exhausted Dad

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The little guy had a horrible night last night (and therefore so did me and my wife).  He had been acting a little weird the last few days, mainly he was not eating and he was whining more than normal.  But then it all came to a head last night, when he woke up freaking out, crying inconsolably, and generally not really being too thrilled about anything.  He had a super stuffed-up nose, so he could not breathe, so it was probably freaking him out a bit.  I think it is all due to teething, because he is drooling like crazy, and thru the day he seemed to intermittently be in pain, but it could also be a cold or something else.

Anyway, last night, he eventually he calmed down and joined us in our bed.  That’s when what I would call the “fun” started.  My wife is not what you would describe as a restful sleeper.  On a peaceful night, she bounces around the bed like a Mexican Jumping Bean while I try to sleep through all the rustling.  Meanwhile I sleep quite still and quietly; my wife describes me as looking like a dead person.  And who did my son take after?  Especially when sick?  My wife.  So the two of them are in the bed moving around so much you would think they were having some kind of dance party.  Nonetheless, I tried to sleep amidst the chaos.

When we finally did start the day, I was ok but mildly tired.  But as the day progressed, the little guy was either crazy happy or crazy upset – and to be honest, the highs and lows wore me out.  If you think having a tired and whiny baby is hard, try having a tired and whiny toddler.  One who cannot talk yet.  I usually can handle all the crazy he throws at me with good humor, but some days the amount of unreasonable things that happen are really over the top.

He wants to go here, NO HE DOES NOT WANT TO GO HERE!  Ok, lets go there.  NO I WANT TO GO TO THE FIRST PLACE!  He wants an apple.  TAKE OFF THE PEEL!  Ok, now the peel is gone.  WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PEEL?  THIS IS NOT AN APPLE!!!  He wants his ball now.  GET THIS BALL OUT OF MY FACE!  He needs a diaper change.  WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!  (in the ALL CAPS text, it was always accompanied by a freakout)

Amidst all the above, there is still the battles with eating meals, playing at playgrounds, running after him to make sure he does not fall down stairs, and other general parenting things.  So today is one of those days that I go to bed as early as I can.  Off to get whatever sleep I can so that when tomorrow’s freakouts happen, I can just laugh them off. 😉

Day 367: Ode to Butterscotch

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A friend of mine today who is Canadian mentioned that there the McDonalds has butterscotch sundaes.  This made me rack my brain all day to think of what other butterscotch and ice cream combination I loved, and I realized it was the Dairy Queen Butterscotch Dipped Cone. 

imagine the chocolate part in a golden color and you have butterscotch!
 Butterscotch is a unique flavor that I grew up with in the Midwest US, but outside of the US, UK, and Canada,  it is hard to find.  It is most often found as an ice cream topping or a hard candy (with a shiny yellow wrapper), but they also make “butterscotch chips,” which are like chocolate chips only butterscotch, used for cooking.

But what exactly is butterscotch?  Basically if you make toffee but boil the sugar to the “soft crack” phase instead of the “hard crack” phase, you have butterscotch. It’s mainly made of butter and brown sugar, so you can imagine the flavor; rich and buttery with a deeper sugar flavor than you would get from white sugar.

I hadn’t really thought about butterscotch as one of those things I missed about living outside of the US, but it turns out this is one thing I definitely do miss.  Funny how an offhanded comment can spark a memory or wish for something you didn’t even know you missed!

Day 366: a year goes by quickly 

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Now it has been officially 1 year since I went on Pappa Leave.  Crazy how much the time has flown and what I have seen while taking this time to be with my son.  A few things I have learned:

  • I never knew it was possible to love someone as much as I love him.  I love my wife immensely, but it is a different kind of love that I experience with the little guy that is ours.
  • Things are usually simple until we complicate them.  The little guys needs on the basic level must always be met – food, rest, security, comfort, and so on.  If we miss those we will have speed bumps.  Cover them always and you have a happy little guy.
  • Appreciate each phase, they all pass quickly 
  • Don’t worry about the harder phases, they also pass quickly
  • Being at home with your child is both the most difficult job and the most fun job all at the same time
  • It is easy to forget about your needs, but sometimes it is what is best
  • A full night of sleep is a treasure
  • A toddler waking up with a smile on their face, laughing, is a great way to start the day
  • Hugs and kisses from a loving little one are priceless
  • Having a child teaches you to have perspective and keep perspective
  • Watching the development of your child is amazing 
  • Kids are surprisingly perceptive of moods of others
  • We are lucky to have a healthy child and it is easy to take that for granted

There are so many other things I could write but I will stop there.  The journey thus far has been interesting and challenging in so many ways, but the awesome part of it all is how connected and in sync I am with the little guy.  Nothing could be cooler.

Day 365: Are You Taking a Photo of MY Child?

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If you are wondering what the easiest way is to upset an expat mom or dad in Hong Kong, just take a picture of their child.  Not in a creepy “hide around the corner” way, but when the toddler walks up to you and grabs your leg, laugh and take a picture.  Chances are really good that the parent there will be OUTRAGED!

As you know if you have been following this blog, my wife and I are definitely not in the above-described group.  If someone wants to take a picture of the little guy, or with the little guy, we enjoy the moment with them and use it as an opportunity to teach him about other people and how to interact with them.  

Are we worried about what they are going to do with the photo?  Not one bit.  Why?  Because 99,99% of people who would be taking his picture were not planning on doing so when they woke up that morning.  They were just out and happened to cross paths with us, find something cute that they wanted to remember, and take the photo.  Sometimes they have proper cameras, but the vast majority of the time they are using their phone.  And what would they do with the photo anyway? 

The thing is, with the photos, we are always in control of the situation.  Nobody gets to touch the little guy unless they ask and I say it is ok.  When we are done with the photo opportunity (like if the little guy is getting freaked out), we stop it, even if they are not done with the photo taking.  But again, the vast majority of people are super fun and respectful.

I write about this topic because they other day at Disneyland one of the moms came up to me super angry because someone wanted to take a picture of her kid.  How dare they?!  And they acted like the mom was being rude when she said they couldn’t (which I agree).  They were from mainland China and he is a blonde kid who walked up to them sitting in the Lion King show.  So he invaded their space, they thought it was fun and wanted to take a photo.  How crazy of them, right?! ;p  

I have heard countless moms complain about this to me.  “Oh we had to cover the stroller because people kept looking in.”  “Oh we had to tell people not to take our son’s photo again.  I mean, I don’t take photos of them!”  And on and on.  To me it is just a lame way of saying “my child is so gorgeous, people can’t stop taking their photo.”  

To be honest to all white residents or visitors to Hong Kong and Asia in general, it does not mean anything if your white son or daughter has their photo taken in Asia.  All over the world, it has happened to me as an adult where people want to take my photo, and it has happened to my wife more often.  So it will also happen to your kids.  Get used to it and don’t act like you are special if people want a photo, or like the person taking the photo is some kind of weirdo.  Lighten up, have some fun with it, and enjoy it – along with the illusion that your kid is cuter than everyone else. 😉

Day 364: Pat the Bunny

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patthebunnyOne of the little guy’s favorite books at the moment is an awesome kids book called “Pat the Bunny.”  This is a book that, according to the back cover, was first published in 1940, and has since sold over 6 million copies.  There are also other stories in the series like Pat the Puppy and Pat the Cat, but the bunny one is the original.

So, the story goes that there are Paul and Judy, and they can do things.  And you (the reader) can do things too.  For example, Judy can pat the bunny, and you can too!  Paul can play peek-a-boo (he’s behind the piece of fabric).  Paul can smell the flowers, which smell like flowers – and actually smell the exact same as they did when I had this book as a kid (which is crazy to me).  And there are also scratchy whiskers on the dad, and some other interactive touch-and-feel elements.

daddy's scratchy face.jpg
what a hipster that dad is with that shaving cream brush!

I was really excited to get this book for my son, and it did not take him long to really like it.  I mean after all, it’s fun to read a book where there is something completely new and fun to interact with on every page – so I am not surprised this book has been going strong for so many years.  If you have not looked into getting this book for your toddler or someone else’s as a gift, I would recommend it for sure!

Day 363: How Do Kids Learn to Be Scared?

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Today the little guy and I went to Disneyland again, which is always a fun experience. We had a great time with the people we went with, and enjoyed the shows and sites.

During his nap I went to check out a potential ride to take him on, to see if it might be too scary.  The ride was based on a haunted house, where a character and his monkey collected things from around the world and they come alive during the ride.  There are all sorts of effects and the ride is really fun – but I determined it might be a push to bring him on the ride.

It made me think, how do kids learn what to be scared of?  Like how would he know it is a “scary ride” if I don’t teach him that?  We were at the Lion King show today and one of kids with us was freaking out during it, apparently he was scared – but why?

I guess some of it is instinct, and the rest of it is learned.  He will also then have to overcome some fears that develop.  Like the first time the little guy gets bit by a dog, he will be scared of dogs until he overcomes that fear.  As parents we work so hard to show our kids the world and help them keep their “unblemished” view on things, but it is hard to keep that up.

So I guess we just go about things as normal.  I think it is best not to try to teach the little guy to be fear-free, but instead to teach him how to handle his fears without letting them control him.  This seems like the kind of lifelong gift a parent should strive to give their child.

Day 362: Make ’em Tired

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Now that the little guy is a full-blown toddler, it seems like I have one role: make him tired.  Wear him out with physical activity and/or mental stimulation at intervals that will allow him to sit long enough to eat or be transported to the new destination I decide to bring him.

For example, today I was having a hard time getting him to eat lunch after he just sat in the stroller to get to Hong Kong Park.  So, I eventually gave in and walked around with him on the way to the aviary.  Then, as we walked up a very steep hill (steep by adult standards, this must’ve been Mt Everest by toddler standards!), he got so tired he simply sat down and wanted to eat, right there in the middle of the pathway.  I sat right next to him and gave him his food, not caring a bit that we were sitting on a steep walkway.

Then we went to a playgroup at St John’s cathedral, which is at quiet times nice, and at busier times chaos.  He played and enjoyed himself and was clearly tired when we left.  And then tonight he got a lot of books and running around the apartment.

So it seems that my role is to wear him out, to make him tired, so we can jump back into it the next day.  And tomorrow is another trip to Disneyland, so I hope he’s ready! 

Day 361: Should We Do a Family Holiday?

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We have realized that we have no plans for the Easter holiday, so we have begun discussing the options of places to go.

The idea to go somewhere stems from a larger conversation my wife and I had about the fact that our vision for me and the little guy when we came to Hong Kong was that we would go with my wife when she made work trips around Asia.  Now, almost 1 year later, we have only done 1 trip: Vietnam, and the rest have been back-and forth between Hong Kong and Sweden.

So, on we search, and search, and search.  Japan?  S. Korea?  Thailand?  Philippines?  Do we want city and/or cultural experiences, or a resort and a “relax by the beach” time.  I guess it depends on what we want out of the trip, right?

Our criteria seems simple enough: not too expensive, a direct flight, not too far away.  Easy, right?  Nope.

The thing is, we have to take into consideration the needs of the little guy.  Right now, and probably for the next 5 years, he wants to be on the move.  He wants to go, go, go, have activity, see things, do things.  If we go to a city, we have to make sure there are places where he can run around, and things that would interest a 15 month-old.  If we go to a beach or a resort, I think he would like having the time by the water in the sand, but I think my wife and I might go crazy – we are not really “hang out at the beach” kind of people, although my favorite place in the world is Antibes, France, and that is a beach city and we just hung out on the beach there as a big part of our time there.

Anyway, there is also the reality that we need this trip, too.  “We” meaning my wife and me.  We have not really done a lot for our relationship this last year, because to be honest the little guy comes 1st, and our relationship is not even a close 2nd (or 3rd or 4th?).  It is not an uncommon thing, so it does not freak me out, but it is important that we actually get that “us time” together, in the form of date nights, and things like that, which have only happened a few times in the last 15 months.  So, maybe a trip like this will give us that opportunity to spend that time together that we need for our relationship.

So on we search, looking for the best place to travel to that will suit all of our needs as a family.  When I think about it, it starts to get a little too much, and I start to wonder if maybe a little “staycation” in Hong Kong is not the answer instead 😉

Day 360: The First Real Temper Tantrum

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We are at 15,5 months with the little guy, and today he had his first real, official temper tantrum.

As we go about our days, we have pretty typical routines and a predictable rhythm.  In the mornings, we eat, then there is some playtime around the house and a lot of book reading, then a snack followed by a walk where he takes a nap.

Today he was a bit early in his timing, and he wanted to get going on the walk about 30 minutes before we normally go.  To me this was no big deal, and I figured he must be a bit tired if he wants to go now, so I thought we can go ahead and leave as he wishes.  But before we leave, he must have his shoes and jacket on, like always.  And, BOOM, there we have our temper tantrum.

He cried and whined, flailed his arms around, threw his head back in a sob, and was completely unreasonable.  Typically he will sit still for the shoes and the jacket, and maybe whine a little to say, “hey, I really want to go, hurry up!”  But today it was like he was saying, “dude, seriously!  I told you I want to go, and you want to waste my time putting on my jacket and shoes?!  Are you crazy!”

So, I did what any rational parent would do who has no place to be but is at home with their kid on parental leave.  I just calmly put his shoes and jacket on him anyway.  Thru his meltdown, I talked to him like I normally would, as if he was not freaking out. He was eventually laying on the floor blue faced and angry, but that just made it easier to put his shoes on anyway, so that did not bother me.  I think things would have been made easier had I given him his pacifier, but then he would have just learned that he just has to be a total freak and he will get his pacifier.

If I could do it all over again, I would have let him have a complete meltdown by the door while I sat and had a coffee, to begin the learning-lesson about how temper tantrums to not yield a positive response, but I guess the way I dealt with it works, too.  Here we go, we now enter a new, exciting, terrifying phase.

Day 359: Memories of Twizzlers Candy

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Today I was in the supermarket here in Hong Kong and I noticed an old friend: Twizzlers.  I grew up eating these bundles of joy, and to see them here was funny.  I normally do not have a sweet tooth, in fact it drives my wife crazy that I can have a seemingly endless cupboard of sweets, and never touch anything, or that it can take me a week to finish a bar of chocolate.twizzlers 2.jpgIn a moment of weakness (or strength?), I picked up the bag of Twizzlers, bought it, and had it with me in my bag all day long, waiting until this evening to open it up.

When I finally got around to opening the bag, I was flooded with memories as the smell of Twizzler filled the air.  I remember the many “Twizzler fights” my brother and I had (they leave a nasty welt) as children.  All I can say is that it was always an uneven match, considering I was 2 years younger, and was usually an innocent bystander trying to talk some sense into my older brother, and it came down to simply trying to defend myself with the only “weapon” I could find: the delicious snack our mother had thoughtfully purchased for us with love and affection.

I also remember trying to drink soda thru the Twizzler.  Not a good idea.  Soda gets really fizzy upon contact with sugar, and the hole is not super wide in the Twizzler, so it is not really working.

And then the age-old debate about which is the better red licorice: Twizzler or Red Vines?  I would like to dismiss this as a silly debate, because we all know the winner is Twizzler, while Red Vines are a pathetic attempt at candy.  Like how Pepsi is a pathetic copy of Coca Cola, and how Reebok is the Pepsi or Red Vines of the athletic shoe world, which is owned by Nike.  Apparently there are actually people out there who like Red Vines more – and I can only feel pity for them.  In all honesty it is “mouth feel” where Red Vines loses the war against the Twizzler.

Of course any kind of discussion about Twizzlers in general cannot be had in my house because my wife is Swedish, and there is only one true licorice to a Swede: Salt Licorice.  This is a black and dark candy, and it can best be described as a thunder cloud of disappointment to your tastebuds.  Are you an American who thinks you like black licorice?  Try Swedish or Finnish salt licorice, and then you’ll know what I’m talking about.

My wife also does not understand what the flavor is of the Twizzler.  It says strawberry on the package but that is confusing because it is not strawberry flavored, she says.  I tell her it is definitely not cherry (that’s Nibs, which are AMAZING), and it is in fact strawberry.  No, it’s not strawberry, actually, it’s Twizzler flavor.  Just like Dr. Pepper is Dr. Pepper flavor, it is just a flavor category of it’s own, one that sparks good memories and leaves you simply happy.  If you have not tried Twizzlers and they sell them in your part of the world, give them a try!