Day 68: Baby Socialization

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As you have read, my wife and I are really eager to help foster the outgoing nature of the little guy, and we often encourage him to interact with people when he connects with them (usually by staring at them until they notice, and then smiling when they smile).  We like it when other people hold him and play with him, too, both of us being of the philosophy that the more different people he plays with and who hold him, the better it will be for him.

But what about his peers, the other babies of the same age?  It is difficult (especially being new in a city) to find those children, and the parents, who feel it is important to socialize their little ones.  We found one couple who is really nice and have a child very close in age to the little guy.  We share a few things in common, and the singular thing we have in common is the need to socialize our babies, in addition to the importance of socializing ourselves as parents.  So we have hung out a few times now, and I look forward to the next time.

How do you “do” baby socialization (AKA a “play date”)? 

At first it is a little weird because you are getting to know each other their babies.  But after a while you can start to see the way the other parent interact, and you can “mirror” this when you talk to their little one.  Then, there’s the matter of how to get the little ones playing.  To me it is just about the two of them getting comfortable with each other in their “personal bubble” for a while.  They spend all this time alone with their own toys and their own parents and caregivers that they need to just get comfortable with another person being in that bubble.  Then, eventually after a while, they will naturally start playing together.

Why should you socialize your baby? 

I have a set of friends who were so worried about their baby getting sick that they did not have any kind of play dates or have their little one meet anyone besides them and close family for the first year.  This is an interesting approach, and one that my wife and have obviously not chosen to go with.  We are less worried about the little guy getting sick from other people (he has to develop his immunity, after all), and we believe you should socialize your baby because it is vital for how they learn to communicate and interact with others.  Of course there is likely a lot of research on the topic to find out there.

In Sweden they have a thing called Öppna Förskolkan (open preschool) in many communities that meet for 3 hours a day – the parents can come and play and sing with their little ones with other parents.  In my wife’s hometown, there is a different location sponsoring the gathering every day (a church center on mondays 9-12, a different community center on tuesdays 9-12, and so on).  I attended one while we were back in Sweden, and it was really good to see the other children and their curiosity, but also to see how they approached and interacted with the little guy.

Lots of important things to keep an eye on as parents, but I think socializing through simply meeting with other parents and children is one of those things that is both good for the little one, but also for you.

Day 67: A Little Home Cooking

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My wife and I decided that now that we are more settled into our apartment and the newness of being in Hong Kong is no longer there, it would be nice to eat healthier at home by cooking our meals ourselves.  I love cooking, so it does not bother me at all, as long as the little guy has his mother home to spend time with while I do the cooking.

The idea is that we will make a “menu” for the coming week and then buy everything on Sunday, and I’m hoping to have 1 meal from Sweden, 1 from USA, 1 Salad, and then 2 others.  This will help us stay focused while we are at the supermarket, and will probably save us a lot of money, too.  Plus, with the little guy learning to eat solid foods now, it is important that he learns by seeing us eating a balanced diet.

Tonight, I made a simple thai dish: Chicken Red Curry.  It turned out well, but I guess I added too many vegetables to it, and I let them cook a bit too long.  They don’t need much time and you want them to stay crisp.  Looking forward to doing this, it will be fun to further develop my cooking skills.

photo 1 photo 2 photo 2 copy photo 3 copy

Day 66: A lot of miles and a milestone

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We made it back to Hong Kong and again the little guy was a champ on the airplane – just a little freak out leaving Stockholm but otherwise everything was smooth.  I think now the little guy has easily flown more distance than a huge percentage of the adult population has.  Back in Hong Kong was a wakeup call for the heat (28 degrees compared to 8 in Sweden), and humidity (dry as a bone in Sweden, humid as a wet dog here), so we will be adjusting to that this week.

While I was putting some things away I laid the little guy on the baby gym, and when I turned back around, he had rolled over!  Not one of those wimpy “oh, did he just roll over, after I helped him?”, but this was complete from lying flat on his back, to laying on his stomach with his arms out.  I turned to my wife and said, “check this out, he just rolled over – looks like we are starting a new era now.”  It is crazy how much of a big accomplishment simply rolling over is, and I am excited to see the next phases, too.

Day 64: Preparing a Baby to Fly

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We are already on our way to Hong Kong again tomorrow, and aside from packing our bags, it means making sure the little guy is ready to fly.  We learned a lot on our first flight with the little guy, and a lot of it is about confidence, not worrying about what other people might be thinking, and setting the little guy up for success.  How do you do that?  If you make it so the baby is prepared, you have put together the right ingredients for them to be happy.  Here are some steps that we take:

  • When hanging out with the baby in the days and weeks before the flight, quite often, have them on your lap facing away from you, just like you would on a flight during takeoff and landing.  Play games with them where you whisper in their ear and move their arms, and so on.  If you get them used to it, they will not freak out when you have them in this position for long periods of time, and will even eat and sleep in that position.
  • Try to schedule flight times when the baby would be sleeping, or at least when they are going to be happy sitting on your lap staring forward.
  • Have a pad for the baby (see image below).  There are obviously a lot of reasons why babies freak out during takeoff and landing, but one reason must be because the buckle of the seatbelt that the parent is wearing is digging directly into the back of the baby when they are buckled in (except for Lufthansa, whose buckles are off-center).  So, we have figured out if we have a small, lightweight pad between the buckle and the little guy, he is not squirming as much.

    a thin pad between the buckle and the little guy's back is not too bulky and prevents discomfort
    a thin pad between the buckle and the little guy’s back is not too bulky and prevents discomfort
  • If the baby uses a pacifier, make sure they have it in during takeoff and landing, to help with the pressure changes.
  • Get an aisle seat – you will likely have to get up to change a diaper, so just make it easy on everyone and get an aisle seat.
  • If you are traveling with your partner, be true partners.  Decide what your game plan is, and who will do what, and drop the ego.  (also a good philosophy for parenting in general)
  • Think 2 steps ahead.  Is the baby going to be hungry when you are about to takeoff?  Have a bottle ready.  Will you need to feed the baby during the flight?  Have a plan for how you will do it.  What about toys?  Books?  Who will change the diapers?  If the baby wakes up during the night, who will go with him/her?  Who will deal directly with comforting the baby if they have a freakout?  On whose lap will the baby sit during takeoff and landing?
  • Above all else, relax and don’t let yourself get stressed during the flight.  Babies can sense when you are nervous and uncomfortable, so make sure you are not over worried and over concerned about it all.  Just stay focused on the needs of your little one, and don’t treat them differently than you would if you were for example sitting on your sofa (if your sofa was 30 000 ft above sea level and was really uncomfortable ;).
    • In other words, do not crowd them or try to distract them more than you normally would – it will only freak them out.  If they cry, console them, but don’t get all nervous thinking “oh no, the other fliers will hate us!” – who cares what they think, especially if you are doing your best.

I hope that list helps for anyone who might be needing some tips before flying with a baby.  We are obviously not masters of it yet, but we are getting more and more comfortable each flight, and these are some of the things that work for me and my wife (and the little guy).

Day 63: Salmon, potatoes, and caviar sauce

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One thing that I have come to enjoy since I moved to Sweden in 2012 is lax, potatis, och romsås (salmon, potatoes, and caviar sauce).  

salmon, potatoes, salad, and caviar sauce

In Sweden, it is super common to eat this meal, and we have it a lot because it tastes great, is not difficult to make, and you are guaranteed to leave the meal satisfied and with a little bit happier outlook on life.  Here’s how you make it:

  1. Buy salmon, potatoes, caviar, dill, and sour cream
  2. Put salt and pepper on the salmon and cook it in the oven
  3. Peel the potatoes and boil them
  4. Mix dill, sour cream and caviar
  5. Put them all on a plate and put more sauce on it than you think you should
  6. Then double the sauce
  7.  Enjoy, you are set with a Swedish salmon, potatoes, and caviar sauce meal

Day 62: A Tight Family

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Being back in Sweden we have the fortune to visit and spend time with my wife’s family.  I genuinely enjoy spending time with the people who have helped shape who my wife is – and the way they operate means that any random weekend can become a holiday (though this weekend is a holiday anyway).

This family is held together by the grandfather and his children (the grandmother and great aunts and uncles of the little guy) and their children (my wife’s sisters and cousins).  It’s wonderful to see the closeness, support, and safety that this close-knit family brings to one another – and it’s not just the immediate brothers and sisters who are close, it extends to the cousins and on and on.  It is a wonderful family to have here in Sweden, especially as my family is in the USA.

It makes me think a lot about the family unit that my wife and I are in the early stages of creating.  One day I will be the grandfather whose family is gathering, and who are close and make any weekend a holiday.  The little guy and his brothers and sisters and their children will get together and have a closeness that comes from that right family bond that we will create starting now, in our everyday lives together.  It comes from the decisions we make and the way we teach our children about the role of family in their lives.  It’s a bit overwhelming, I think, but at the same time it is exciting – we are just at the beginnings of creating what could be really amazing with the right priorities, a family where everyone is safe, and knows they can let down their guard from the world.  I guess as they say, all we need is love.

Day 61: A Parent’s Bond with their Child

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This week a family member mentioned to me, “you and the little guy seem to have a really good connection.  I can see you get along well.”  That was a really cool statement, and it made me feel good – me and my son are getting along, and the bond that we are growing is visible.  It was not always this way, so it is nice to look back and smile at the progress we are making.

The connection you have with your children is likely important to all parents, and I have the lucky opportunity to be home with my son.  As a father, it is really hard to “break in” to the special bubble that the little one has with their mom – especially when they seek food and comfort from them exclusively for the first months.  I have come to realize it is not “breaking in” that needs to happen – the bubble just needs to get bigger, to be inclusive so that it encompasses all 3 of us.

When I think about it, it is really awesome to know that the little guy and I have a connection that we are building on and that will grow as we go forward in our lives.  But I also realize that this is not exclusive.  My wife is also connected very strongly with him individually, connected with me individually, and we are also connected as a family.  As long as we continue to grow our family on the base of love that means my wife and I do not measure our self-worth or how good we are as parents by how strong we perceive our bond to be with our child, we will be free of jealousy and all the other ugliness that could potentially be there.  And that will enable us to continue to grow in our bonds as a family – that bubble can grow exponentially. 🙂

Day 60: The Pure Joy in a Baby’s Laugh

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I have really come to appreciate the pure joy that comes thru when the little guy laughs.  It can be from a tickle in the right spot, from a game of peek-a-boo, just from a look, being picked up, or something he thinks is funny (there is a monkey playing with a ball in one of his books that he laughs at every time).

To me, I think I like the laugh so much because it is uniquely his – kind of a high-pitched squeal that ramps up, like an old siren that you have to crank to turn on.  Sometimes it comes from him sucking in air, and sometimes it is so constant that he loses his breath.  It is hard not to laugh when he is laughing, and I find myself not laughing at him, but laughing with him and finding joy in the moment.

It is cool to realize that this laugh of his is pure joy.  It is not at anyone’s expense, it is not mean-spirited – it is pure.  It is sad to think that this purity of heart will over time get chipped away by the world – by the hurts he experiences in a variety of ways from a variety of people.  It actually makes me want to cry a little, to think of that pure joy potentially not staying there forever as he gets older.   Instead of thinking about that, I will cherish the squeals of laughter, and let it fill in some of the chips that the world has taken from my heart.

If you think about it – why can’t we all laugh like that at a funny picture in a book, when someone is goofy, or when someone picks us up and makes noises? 😉 (ok, not that last one, but you get the point).  Maybe there is a lot to be learned from the little guy’s laughs.  From quick observation it seems like a 2-step system: First step, open your eyes with innocence, see everything as new and interesting.  Second step, simply want to laugh.  Choose it.  Opt in.  Then, I guess, just let go 🙂

Day 59: Mom’s First trip Away

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My wife left on Sunday for a 4-day business meeting that goes from Monday-Thursday.  This her first trip away from the little guy.  It was/is not easy for her, and if you think about it, this makes sense.  She not only has had this little human near her every day since he was born 5,5 months ago, but she was also carrying him for 9,5 months, too.  So we are basically talking 15 months of the two of them being together every day.  She loves him with every ounce of who she is, and I understand that.  I feel the same way.

Fortunately we have Facetime and Skype to stay in touch, and it is cool to see that the little guy is responding to her voice when we have been on them.  I am unsure if he is responding to the video part and understands that face is his mom, or if he is just enjoying the video in general.  He smiles, and he even laughed and really got into a little game of Peek-a-Boo where my wife turned the phone so she was out of the picture, then turned it back, so I think he must have some awareness.

So, how has he been doing so far?  He has been very much the same little guy, laughing and generally in the good mood that we have come to expect.  This is probably largely because I am spending most of my days with him, so it is nothing strange for him to be spending a lot of time with only me.  There are also days when we are in Hong Kong that he goes to bed before his mom is home (not always fun), so he has now gotten more used to me putting him to bed.

I was most worried about the middle-of-the-night feedings, which have been exclusively my wife as she has been breastfeeding, but he does not notice (or does not care) – he just wants the food, the comfort, and to go back to sleep.  As it is, he is going to bed around 8:15-8:45, and then waking up as usual at 2:00 and 5:00.  He really wants to stay awake at 5:00, but we bring him into bed with us at this point and this allows for us (me, my wife, and the little guy) to have that extra hour or more of sleep.  Yesterday for example, he slept until 7.30, today until 8.30.

I previously posted about sleep, and I believe that specifically for our little guy going forward, his sleep needs are going to be most tied to him getting him enough food thru the day and having some regularity with the sleep schedule (including naps).  The feeding schedule is now involving solid foods (pureed vegetables and porridge), and thru the day he eats every 2-3 hours, as well.  He is napping regularly, and I wonder now if I shorten his nap times, if this will help him sleep longer at night.  I have read a lot of places that this is not how it works – more naps and long naps do not adversely impact baby sleep in the night – but I think at some point it must matter.  I will dig into this more when we are back in Hong Kong.

And how am I doing taking care of the little guy alone?  Of course everything is more difficult without a “partner” – even if it is just at the end of the day or for a few hours in the morning.  I have a whole new respect for single parents after just a few days with my wife gone.  Simple things, like feeding babyfood to the little guy, become a circus that takes a while to clean up after.  Cleaning, cooking, and other “regular” things are also harder when you are alone with the baby all the time with no person to take some of the weight.  It is not the time away from the baby that is important to me since I like being around him, but what is important is the time without the baby relying on you so that you can take care of things.

Now the little guy and I have a few more days ahead as “bachelors”.  As bachelors, we have an obligation to play video games, work on a car or something else involving tools, and watch sports, Star Wars, and Will Ferrell movies until my wife comes home.  Or I could just do my best to keep giving the little guy what he needs – love, attention, love, reading to him, love, playing with him, and love.  And I can’t forget to burp him, either. 😉