Day 408: The World Our Kids Will Live In

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I think we are all working on being more “responsible.  We are recycling, buying less “stuff”, and so on.  I think of how things were when we were growing up, and how things are now.  How much more self-aware and socially aware the current generation of children are compared to my generation (generation y) – but maybe there is a lot more hypocrisy in the current generation too.  Preaching strongly about one thing they are passionate about, while not even being aware of the 3 dozen things they are doing that are equally “bad.”  So it becomes a difficult thing to raise a child who has their head fully wrapped around the issues they are concerned about.  I can tell you we in my generation were not encouraged to ask a lot of questions about social or environmental issues.

For example, I remember learning at a very young age that we should cut apart the plastic rings that a 6-pack of soda come in, so that when it gets to the ocean, the fish will not get stuck in them.  Never once did we ask about why they are going to get to ocean to begin with.  There are other examples like this that pop into my mind occasionally, too, and it just makes me think about things.

Today on facebook I came across a video of a young girl giving a talk at the Rio Earth Summit in 1992.  We are about the same age, so I would have been her age when she was giving this talk – it’s amazing to think about the points she was making at that time, when I consider what I was thinking about at that time.  She calls for the members of the summit to pull together, to quit being hypocrites, and to solve some of the problems that are present, and uses some vivid examples and imagery in the process.

The video is amazing for being from 1992, and it also would have some power if given by a young teenager now.  That is actually kind of sad, because it shows how far we haven’t gotten in solving these problems with the environment.  But it goes a lot further than the environment, I think.  It can apply to how we as a global community deal with poverty, health, and other issues that we all share.  I guess the problem could be that we still have an “old fashioned” way of looking at governments, but the boundaries of countries, and the responsibilities of their governments, are getting blurrier and blurrier every year that goes by.

My wife and I as parents are really trying to make sure the little guy grows up with an awareness of the world around him.  To me that also involves understanding he can make a difference and contribute to a positive change that he wants to see.  And fortunately, being involved in such a way will not only be seen as something you “can do,” but it seems like it will kind of be expected socially.

It will not be an easy road to walk down with him, because we risk raising someone who is judgemental and close-minded to other ways of doing things and other ways of being – basically lacking flexible thinking or subjectivity.  But if we can strike the right balance and give him a good moral compass through how we raise him, then there is a great potential that he can be a part of some of the wonderful positive movements that this next generation can bring about. 🙂

Day 407: the little guy “talks”

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There is something funny that has started to happen over the last few days: the little guy is talking.  Well, not really talking, as in “using real words,” but talking as in, “not just whining.”

Basically a few days ago, instead of whining when he wants something, the little guy will walk over and “tell us” what he wants in complete nonsensical sentences.  For example if he wants a banana, he used to just whine until we guessed what he wanted.  Now, he might walk over to us and say: “blaskbel olkasd mlooa nana.”  And he says it in a calm way, with gestures towards the banana.   The last part, “nana” for banana is real, and that just started today.

I am not sure what caused the turn in this direction.  It could be that I have started to teach him words to say when he wants something (like when he is hungry, I have taught him to say “mat,” which is Swedish for “food”).  Or it could be that with our Swedish visitors we have had the last few days, he is now hearing language that he does not recognize as well, so he feels comfortable making the noises that sound like words in his head.

Either way I think it is great.  I think it is a huge breakthrough and that it will open the floodgates towards talking.  No rush or stress about talking, but it feels to me that if he is saying nonsense words to express what he wants, the next step is real words, and then we will all be a little happier knowing exactly what he wants. 😉

Day 406:  trying not to raise an entitled, self-absorbed child

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One thing that is super important to me is to raise the little guy so that he is not an entitled, self important punk.  You know who I’m talking about, the kids who have everything handed to them, who don’t appreciate anything or see how lucky they are.

I think about this current generation of kids, and I don’t think they realize how lucky they are, for the most part.  They have all this technology that is increasingly affordable/accessible, and that basically gives them access to the world in a way that we only dreamed of when I was their age.  I imagine when the little guy is older it will be even more amazing.

But this still brings things back to the question of not making the little guy a little a’ hole.  I guess the key on this relies on “present parents.”  Like you know, being a parent who is there, present.  Like a parent who is not working, reading, watching tv – but there and present for their child.  Maybe having conversations with them, asking how their day was, what they learned, playing games with them, and so on.  But also encouraging self-reflection so they don’t go thru the day mindlessly, but instead they think about their actions and the results of their actions, and so on.  

Maybe that’s the key: self-reflection and self-awareness.  I mean, if you learn as you are growing up to be aware of how your actions impact the world around you, and to reflect on what that means, then perhaps you will grow up in a way that will help you check yourself, but also helps you genuinely do good / be good.  And as parents if we can encourage and ask questions and be involved in a way that is not intrusive, then I think we will be on the mark.  Sounds not too difficult, right?! 😉

Day 405: the journey back home starts

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Now we officially have it all planned: we will go back to Sweden.  My wife has been sorting out things with her work, I’ve talked with my boss about coming back, and now the real fun stuff begins: organizing the move.

We of course must ship some things back home, and for this that means we have had a bunch of companies come give us quotes all week.  It is surprising how much it can cost to ship some items, because it all goes on cubic foot instead of weight.  There are a lot of concerns about mold because your stuff is in a dark, humid container for 6-10 weeks, but the companies all have things they do to block against any problems, for example by having silica gel packs in the boxes, asking us to keep our air conditioners on (but not too cold) before they pack our stuff, and so on.

Next up is also selling the apartment in Stockholm and buying a new one that can fit the family.  I have rented out my place this last year and now in the next month, we will take possession, decorate it for selling, and put it on the market.  And then we have to find a new place to buy and live in.

It is kind of exciting thinking about buying a new place.  Partially because it is new and fun to have a new place, but also because my apartment currently is “mine.”  I bought it, my wife is not on the loan, etc.  So now we will buy our next home together.

There are a lot of things going on as we walk forward into the next phase of our lives.  I think this next few months will absolutely fly by – I will blink my eyes and wonder what happened to that time when I was on Pappa Leave.

Day 404: Gnocchi: the Perfect Food for Toddler Fork Practice

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Tonight me and the little guy ate a nice dinner of gnocchi with red pesto.  He ate so much it was crazy – I think he ate almost the same amount that I did!

I was turned on to the idea of giving him gnocchi by an Italian lady I know through a friend.  She has a kid about the same age as the little guy, and I was talking to her about him not using a fork, and mentioned I have to get him using it more (instead of his hands).  She said that she uses gnocchi for her little one, and that seems to work.

gnocchi
Gnocchi with tomato sauce and basil.  image from cookdiary.net

If you are not super familiar with gnocchi, it is a potato or wheat dumpling that has a kind of firm-chewy consistency.  It is super easy to cook if you do not make it from scratch – basically it takes 2 minutes to cook in boiling water.  Because of the consistency, it makes it fun for a little one to eat, and it also makes it easy for them to stick a dull “toddler fork” into.

We have given him gnocchi now a few times (maybe once every 10 days), and he is getting better and better with the fork every time.  It might also be helping with his skills with a spoon, too.  I think he sees that it can be nice to use a tool to eat with instead of his hands.  Either that or it is just fun.  I don’t care the reason, I’m just happy he is getting better with the fork!

Day 403: Independent Play Time for Toddlers

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I read in one of my “dad books” a while ago that it is good for little ones to have time playing independently.  Time playing without you involved, without you hovering – basically to be left alone with their toys/books/whatever safe thing you have for them.

I have noticed that lately, it is something that is valuable for both the little guy and me.  Sometimes he wants me to play with him, sometimes he wants to play alone.  And sometimes I want to play with him, and sometimes I want him to play alone.  I think it is a valuable part of his developmental growth to have this independent time to do what he wants.  And what does he do?

He reads out loud to himself and his toys.  He feeds the stuffed animals.  He plays with his puzzles, toys, balls, and whatever we have for him.  He puts on my shoes.  He fixes his hair.  He hugs things.

How do I know what he is doing if I am giving him this “independent time?”  Because independent time does not mean I neglect him and go to the other room and close the door.  As a parent we all know that we need to keep one eye on our kids at all times, and this is no different.  So maybe I am bringing dirty dishes back into the kitchen or cleaning up, but he does his own thing during this time.  Or maybe I am listening to a podcast while sitting on the sofa, and he is playing on the floor.  You see what I mean?

It seems to me that a lot of people want to constantly be offering some kind of stimulation all the time for their kids.  As you know, I am always trying to do something interesting for/with the little guy.  But I think there is some real power in that independent, alone play time.  Almost like it gives their brains a chance to try out all these things they have been learning and absorbing thru all the stimulation they have.  So it feels like it is good for them, and also good for us, the parents. 😉

Day 402: Stopping a Biting Toddler

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There is a hot topic amongst the toddler parents I know.  For those who are parents of 16-20 month-olds, that topic is biting.  The little ones (including the little guy) have been biting parents, relatives, and/or friends for various reasons.  It could be because they are using biting as a weapon to get something, it could be because they are angry, or it could be (as is the case with the little guy) that they are just having so much fun and they are biting as part of play.

Once we are all feeling comforted because we know our little ones are not the only ones biting, next we talk about how we are dealing with it.  Some parents are not dealing with it at all.  Some parents are taking more direct action – and that is what me and my wife are doing.  But in order to take direct action, you have to admit that the toddler knows that they are biting and does it consciously.  Some parents don’t think they know, and maybe their kids don’t know.  But our son definitely knows.

Since it is 2016 and it is not seen as acceptable parenting practice in most of the world to spank, we do not spank.  I was raised being spanked by my parents as part of their parenting style, and look how great I turned out! 😉  No but seriously, I don’t see the negatives about spanking that most of the “anti spanking” movement puts forth, because if it is done responsibly as a measured consequence and not as a hasty reaction, it can probably be a fine approach.  But my wife is Swedish and of course it seems archaic to spank to them because it has been many decades past since spanking was acceptable.  I of course do see that you can successfully parent without spanking, and happily agree with my wife that we will not spank the little guy.

So how do we handle the problem of the little guy biting?  What do we do?  We immediately take the little guy out of the situation when he bites.  So if we are at home, we immediately say “no biting”, bring him to the corner, and repeat “no biting” to him.  We stay there with him, stay at his level, and keep him there, sitting on the floor.  We don’t stay there too long, but long enough for him to be bothered that we are there.  If we are out in public, we take him to a corner somewhere and do the same thing.  If he repeats after we take him to the corner at home or in public, we do the same thing, and repeat as necessary.  Does it work?  You know it!

I should mention two main points here.  First, being consistent is critical for this, and having both parents involved and willing to “stop everything” to take them to the corner is crucial.

The second point is that I think it is important to give positive reinforcement when they are playing nice and give them an alternative to biting.  So for example for the little guy, when he is playing with his stuffed toys and I see him biting them, I say, “We don’t bite.  Can you kiss him?”  And then when he does it I tell him how good he is and how nicely he’s playing.  But additionally, just randomly when he is playing nice with his toys, me, his mom, and his friends, I also tell him good job.  And especially when I can see that he was going to bite me, and he instead kisses me, I tell him how good he is, and how nice it is that he is kissing me.

They way I see it about “offering an alternative” is that it is confusing for a toddler to just say “don’t XYZ.”  They need something to replace that action that you don’t want them to do, and if you do not give them a replacement for that action, they will probably be a bit frustrated and confused, right?  I mean, think about it as an adult.  If you get to the end of a street and there are no signs except for one that says “no crossing,” but you need to get across the street, then you are wondering what to do.  But if there are signs pointing you in the right direction, then you can transition just fine and cross the street.

I don’t claim to have any research or expertise in how we are doing this.  I just figure if you take him away from something he likes (i.e., playing, or being around other people), then he will stop the behavior that is causing him to be taken away.  I would assume if the child is biting because they are angry then there are other steps, like getting to the bottom of how they handle anger, or figure out a way around them getting angry for whatever reason.  But for handling “bite for play” toddlers, it seems to be working (so far!) 😉

Day 401: Fixing His Hair

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Yesterday the little guy got his first professional haircut.  It was pretty funny to see the setup in the hair place, but obviously they know what they are doing.  There was a mirror with a tv screen in it, plenty of stuffed animals, and a super fast stylist who knew when to back off.  So now the little guy looks respectable, instead of like a 1970’s cartoon kid.

I always let the little guy sit on the counter when I do my hair (I usually do it while he brushes his teeth).  It takes me like 2 minutes, and he seems to find it interesting.  He likes to brush his hair (or act like he is brushing it), and he likes his hair in general.  In addition, he loves to see himself in a mirror, so it’s a good situation overall 😉

Today I brought him to the bathroom at the mall with me, and after I washed my hands, I fixed my hair quickly.  In the mirror, I saw him doing the same thing.  🙂  Yes, he was “fixing his hair” in the mirror, just like I was, and it was amazing.  What a funny little thing for him to pick up and do, and now at this moment, if I say, “fix your hair,” he will rub his hands on his hair.  Amazing the things they learn just by being around us!

Day 400: Top 10 PappaLeave Posts

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Today is my 400th day of being on parental leave.  And that means it is my 400th day of writing on the blog.  Woah!  Time goes quickly, doesn’t it?

I was going to do a “things I’ve learned” but I kind of did that for the “1 year“, so instead here’s the top 10 PappaLeave posts.  These are the most visited posts, and some are visited almost every day by someone around the world.  If you haven’t read one or two of them yet, just click on the link and it will magically appear on your computer.  😛

10.  Day 336: The “I Can” Toddler Spoon  Here is a product review about the handy little spoon that helped the little guy realize it can be fun to get food to your mouth using something besides hands.

9.  Day 5: Grunting Baby and A Lot About Baby Gas  A high-information post about something I had to deal with a lot when the little guy was little.  I am glad this post is out there on the internet as a resource, and I am glad people are finding it when they are looking for it.

8.  Day 111: How to Pronounce the Letter Ö  It makes me smile that this one is in the top 10, because it is the most frustrating letter in the world, and I now know that I am not the only one who has problems with it.  😀

7.  Day 123: Missed Our Swiss Air Connecting Flight (again)  For some reason people keep finding this post.  I guess a lot of people miss their Swiss Air connecting flights 😉

6.  Day 120: A Dad’s Opinion About Circumcision  If you want to read a pretty passionately-written post by me, this is the one for you.  I like it because it embodies way more complexity than just circumcision.  It’s bigger than that.  And I still feel the same way as I did when I wrote it.

5.  Day 276: The Best Toys in Hong Kong: Fuk Wing Street, Sham Shui Po  This is just what it sounds like: a post about where I think the best toys in Hong Kong can be located, for the best prices.  Lots of people are looking for information on this, apparently 😉

4.  Day 2,5: First Night, Dream Feeding, & Baby Jetlag  An aptly titled post that covers a bit about dream feeding and baby jetlag.  I should point out here that I think dream feeding is one of the smartest things a new parent can do.  Just sayin’.  And regarding baby / toddler jetlag, I think we are pretty near the top of the list of parents who have traveled a lot with our little one, so if you are searching for how to handle little ones with jetlag, start here, but also just search it on the site, I have written about it a few times.

3.  Day 70: Graco Citilite R: A Good City Stroller / Travel Stroller  This post reviews the Graco Citilite R, which is still our “compact” stroller.  Lightweight, folds up with one hand, comfortable for the little guy.  What’s not to like?

2.  Day 12: The Art of Breastfeeding and Avoiding Foremilk / Hindmilk Imbalance   This is a super informational one that is actually one of the most needed areas of information on the internet in my opinion (and that’s probably why a lot of people find my site when they search for information about it).  Lots of people are breastfeeding and a lot of people struggle with their little one having various problems that could be attributed to how they are feeding.  And this whole concept of “foremilk  / hindmilk imbalance” does not seem to be out there as much as it should be.

1.   Day 343: How Does a Baby/Toddler Think? This one is basically me asking the question about how a baby or toddler is thinking since they do not have language or words to use to think with.  I wrote it and then a blogger I follow who must also follow me (who has waaaaay more followers than me) named linneaiusa wrote about it and gave me credit for writing about it first.  Boom, explosion of visitors.  Even if I deduct her visitors, it would still be at the top – I guess there are a lot of people wondering about this topic!

A big “thanks” to all of you who are following, and I hope I can churn out some even better posts in the time ahead!

 

Day 399: Meningitis Puts Things into Perspective

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There is a couple that we know who also have a toddler the same age as the little guy.  The kids are a few weeks apart in age, and we even live close to one another, but for one reason or another, we have never really become close friends with them.  Super nice couple, but sometimes the timing just does not work, and we just do not see them very often.

They had a baby a week ago, and we have ran into the father multiple times since then.  The baby had a higher level of white blood cells when born, so he was kept in the hospital, and then 5 days later was released and was considered healthy.  We saw him on his way to go get the baby just a few days ago.  Beaming and pumped to move forward with the family together.

We ran into the father this morning.  He looked like an emotional and physically drained person.  He was walking with the toddler in the stroller, kind of in a daze.  He tried to put on the “smiley face” but when we asked how he was doing, he said he was hanging in there.  I asked if he wanted to talk about anything or if he needed anything, but he said it was fine.  I found out later that his little baby is back in the hospital, and he has meningitis.  His wife is also not doing well.

Woah.  Talk about a reality check and slap in the face for me and my wife if we were being petty or annoyed about the little things in life.  If you don’t know much about meningitis, it is super dangerous, and with infants it is often fatal or can lead to brain damage if it is not caught enough.  The short hand of what meningitis is (or at least the kind that impacts infants most of the time): it is a disease brought on by a bacterial infection.  It attacks the brain stem and is a pretty nasty thing to deal with – and it is so harsh that it is no surprise that even with immediate antibiotic treatment, your infant has a 15% chance of dying.

What do you do if you are me?  I want to go find this guy and give him a hug, but it’s not possible.  I cannot imagine what he and his wife must be going through.  When you have a situation like this, there is literally nothing you can do but wait, and that waiting must be excruciating.  All we can do is keep them in our thoughts and prayers, let them know we are here for them for anything they might need.  And for us, we can realize that if we and our son are healthy, we should consider that a blessing.